Down and Down

im here again..
although make a promises not to touch blog again..
and yet..
i cant control myself
too many fucking things have happen
i am so damn fuckingly need a damn break..
i feel like wanted to quit it all
and yet...
pressure that everyone..
EVERYONE
giving me
force me to continue..
did i still have the energy..
how much it still left?
T.T


i desperately wanted to go home badly this week
same to my mum, who call me almost everyday
wanted me to go home..
something happen in home..
maybe that's why she need me there?
keep calling me back no matter what..
but i still resist wanted to stay here to settle my assignment
but in the end, i end up doing nothing for the past two day...

oh gosh...
i am so damn in dilemma
what should i do...
it had been a shit weekend
Christmas is totally shit
i don't have the feeling to celebrate
even if i have celebrated it the previous day
i feel so damn guilty for doing so..
i am such a fucking retarded bitch..
some one save me from being so...
T.T

what a fucking year..
what a fucking day
what a fucking life i have...
everything they promises are just a bullshit
i hate it..
i hate it deep to the core...

give me motivation

give me support

so that

i wont fell down

tired

I am so freakishly fucking tired....

i really need a damn shit break

i want to go for a vacation BADLY!!...

jump to the bus and drop me some where else for a day

but not here..

TT

random

Random Pictures

accompany me with assignment

hair drop faster

random school pictures, ways to avoid boredom

flowers~~

miss it ♥~

web browser crash @@

dark room ^^

oh god!!

i grew fatter

DONE!!~~

just finished settle my assignment..

feel a little bit relieved..

and feel a little bit of fresh air flowing through my lung..

this post is just for fun..

to motivate me not to went even further

if not im going to nut soon...

too many negatively thought of mine..

typed lot of things which might hurts other if they read it...

i apologize for that...

maybe this will be the last one...

i won't think of it anymore...

i spend lot of time thinking of all this thing that wouldn't make any different toward my life..

i guess, i should start study harder

looking at notes maybe can help me distract all those thought away~~~

as for sure,

thing will not be the same again...

the melodies of lonely

keep repeating and repeating

and i love the way each time it played..

^^

try to remember..

i came with hope and dream

thinking of the hope making me smile again...

=]

yes!!

i succeeded!!~~

i want to GRADUATE~~

hated to talk...

tired to talk..

lazy to talk..

maybe i observe a lot of thing by keeping myself silent...

i learn a lot of things...

i realize a lot of things...

for them,

i realize that, i really invisible..

there are things that i requested before...

but because i am I..

therefore, a lot of things..

they wouldn't help at all....

but if other requested the same thing..

it wouldn't be the same..

people willing to even go to others house,

just to help them settle it..

maybe i have no value for them to do so..

maybe i not worth for people to do so..

by the way, i did not requested people to come to my house and fix my problem..

i can go to find you..

but the rejecting message you gave to me..

make me realize

and wake up

it's cruel...

why people love to treated me in this way?

is this because i use this way to treating all of you?

i am also a human??~~

i also have feeling~~~

hurting me, you think the scar is not as deep as other girls out there?

because i does not look like a girl?

because i am not pretty/cute/attractive?

they form a gang with me but i am being isolated

from small till now still the same...

talk in group they included me inside

but when if there is something happen..

people won't call me if there is nothing important

i am the transportation..

just like sms~ing?

my phone had die since i came here...

did not have much purpose except for calling me go meeting

that's all...

even if i sms you..

you feel weird??!!

therefore..

i think i choose the right path by avoiding..

a change...

since I'm not so important,

i make no different in this society

多我一个不多，少我一个也不少。

they are happily laughing..

every question by me being ignored..

I've became more invisible

every comment by me,

easily unseen by others..

i have no intention

to blame anyone..

maybe i am the reason

that causes things that happen now...

by the way,

i need to say thank you to my housemates

they might don't know..

but they really lighten up my days these few days...

love you all~~~

the more i wanted it..

the more it get away from me..

personality?

today,

went for management studies class..

teacher seems in a very good mood today, different from the previous days..

she talked a lot.. and everyone in the class happily laughing with each others...

she point out a question, making me in deep thinking...

what actually is your personality?

she asked all of us to go home and take personality test..

i wonder,

me myself cant understand myself..

how am i going to answer all those question about me?

listening to a songs

Yellow by Coldplay..

the starting of the song is something like this,

Look at the stars, Look how the shine for you...

I'm looking at the star everyday..

will there be a star shine for me when i left?

will there be a place for me?

i wanted to make something, before i left this world..

so that,

i will be remember as ME

not as some one else...

and still, talk is forever easier than doing so...

I've been thinking when will i going to change back my old account

maybe~~~

until i be able to control my emotion

and tear wont flow out easily..

count up until now..

4times...

Avoiding

i changed my blog link..

this few days will be the hard time for me i guess..

i need to re-looked back of what actually is me..

until I'll be able to calm down and smile back..

i will change back my blog link

too many people reading..

i mean too many people that i concern is reading...

maybe i don't want them to think that i am insane or what..

or seeking for others care and attention?

i don't know??!!!

i have adapted posting my stuff at here,

so i have no choice but just change blog link..

when i remain silent,

there is a lot of time, i bared hard to hold my tears not to flow out..

just feel wanna cry anytime..

for them, i maybe thinking too much and this is self bring problem..

but i just don't know why i will feel like this...

i spend lots of money recently

feeling so damn fun spending money...

the moment i can concentrate looking at those unliving material and

forget bout others things...

i change my bed location to the living room..

maybe i afraid of talking to people

afraid that i will hurt them..

or

i afraid that they will see me in tears..

alone sleeping at this big living room

remind me of my room back then..

a place where i can lock myself and cry alone...

i really afraid

afraid that people will know..

afraid that i will losing something which i treasure..

everything seems to be very far away from me..

leaving me~~~

and

still the same..

i cant helped myself to cry in front of laptop again...

headache~ing

I'm searching for a reason

to ignore

to avoid

to get away

from you

...

i have no place to go except here...

i cant believe what i did just now..

i cant remember whether i get into sleep or not...

for sure..

i cried to sleep

wake up crying again...

I've try to motivate myself everyday..

but is getting harder and harder...

and i end up writing all this again...

yesterday,

i saw something flying at the sky

i thought i saw something wrong..

until she tell me, there is meteor shower occur this few days..

i only manage to see few,

one or two,

and my eye now in pain because of the light street...

cant believe that i sit alone and watch it for hour i guess...

should i make a wish?

i cant think of any wishes that i wants

maybe there is a lot of things that i wants..

so if wanna choose one between those,

i rather choose not to wish anythings

since my wishes never come true...

silly to believe in something which can never be reality...

i can feel the total loneliness when i was out there...

just now,

i think of doing thats again...

the things which i have put down two year ago..

came across to my mind again...

tonight is such a long long night~~~

it never happen,

everything is just a lied.

i am human

haih~~

too many incident happen recently

making me hard to get to sleep right now

I'm trying to make my eye tired,

so i can easily went to sleep without thinking so much....

afraid that, i will think too far away..

even now,

I'm thinking far away,

can't help myself to go out and cry...

i am so damn sad..

friends ask me what happen,

but i cant explain to them in word..

it was like, not their problem,

why should i tell them..

sleeping in worried making me nervous everyday..

even going out,

i will think of lots of things..

too many things to concern...

i wander why people love to link me with others....

there forever going to me and some one else..

and there is no me...

if others are not existed, means I'm not invisible in others people eye...

will there be a people will remember me because of me

and not because of others..

TT

sad

pain within my heart

when will it gone...

for your information,

i am also a human...

same? different?

the moment when you felt you done something right..

that actually is the moment you make a big mistake of your life

I've done a lot of mistake every single days as i live on

the problem is,

the mistake that I've done,

i will not face it..

the reason of my ignorance to face this maybe because i am afraid

afraid of being rejected

humiliating..

i've try to do all my best as i could..

but i still cant control my anger and my attitude...

making everyone around me feeling so uncomfortable with me,

and the result?

misunderstood occured..

maybe this one

can wake me up..

a lesson to me,

dont throwing out shit anytime as i like..

everyone have a feeling..

therefore,

between you and me..

maybe the very next day, we will talked again..

but for sure is,

it will never going to be the same again...

the guiltiness within me,

telling me to control myself

so

you will not get hurt by me

again..

life is not been that easy,

everyone worked so hard..

just to survive in this society..

im just wandering,

how come there are some still can enjoy while other have to suffer for them?

life is never been fair..

but if the life is getting fair, will we appreciate it?

just like i enjoy sleeping so much..

because i work hard to sleep

just to get into a good and long sleep without any disturbances..

people back then does not know..

i really worked hard..

worked so damn hard to be still standing at here...

although the result were not so good as other expected..

but at least,

i enjoy the process..

this will be the 4 years life of me starting from now..

maybe it will be a disasterious life ever..

but in future,

it will be a great experience and memories

keep it up KOK WAI YIN...

Double Faced

what i can say?

ever since i know you

i already know you are this type of people..

but i just bared it and continue my life

without you disturbing mine

and i disturbing you..

but i never thought that you will really go and talk bad behind me

while in front of me..

you acted like an angel..

treating all my friend so damn good..

i really don't understand what is your problem..

other's people say that they did not understand you

but i don't feel like that..

every single move of you

is like under my prediction..

just waiting it to happen only..

maybe starting from now onward..

i will never trusted you again...

just do whatever thing you like..

and you

what the fuck wrong happen to you!!!

i never step on the fucking back tail of you

did not even throw any shit in front of you

and you keep on showing me this kind of fucking assie face?

what the fuck!!

sorry..

i cant help myself from saying all this things..

a lot of thing you done to me..

i did not even say or complain a words..

i can be said as a very considerate human for you already..

letting you own all the things which i have part to share..

the thing i hated so much.. i even let you do

and now..

you stepping my on head even further..

you are such a fucking asshole..

yea you are a good people, everyone love you more than me...

i know i know..

and i am the bad people complaining at here...

fuck!!

I Miss Diamond Bay?

as time pass..

i've been staying here for more than 2 weeks...

maybe is been too long i never chat with my mum..

yesterday, when i called back..

she tell me that,

i nearly will never see her in life again..

she fall sick and fainted at the bathroom for hours till she wake up her own...

and no one realize that,

maybe because of my brothers and father that hate to stick at house..

making my mother feel lonely all the times..

i really don't know what i can do or said to you through phone..

but

Take Care..

i never stayed at here for such a long period..

it was fun

and tiring...

everything have to be settle by own..

but i still need accompany by my friends..

every weekend will be the nightmare..

starting assignment~ing unstop

will the work can be settle by time??..

everyone worked so damn hard just to finish the job..

unfair?

or is me who did not really believe in other's capability?

staying at here,

really tiring..

have to live together with the sound of alarm clock that wake me up every morning..

nightmare..

everyday have to force myself thinking of those

unfinished works..

unwashed cloths..

i wanted to sleep without disturb from anythings~~

T.T

i just miss my home

miss my bed

miss my pillows

miss my blanket

miss my TV

missing every single things

I Miss Diamond Bay

I Miss SS~ing at my home

I Miss The Old Me

Suddenly I Miss U so much><

Take Care

see you soon if possible

I Miss SS~ing at FastFood Shop

I Miss Those days~

where i need not have to worried bout the fucking homework

I Miss going Lepak~ing

although i did not do that frequently

taking a deep breath

and continue the work^^

the reason of ignorance of her

is because

she is afraid that she will fell in love with her?

Joy of Christmas

recently,

i had a very hard time..

maybe is the effect of thinking too much..

or maybe is the effect of doing too many bad stuff..

treating other badly making me feeling so guilty..

just today..

i receive a present from my house mate..

this present really mean a lot for me...

especially during this time..

nearly burst into tear when i saw the notes..

i feel so warm..

i don't know what is the true meaning behind Christmas...

but for me

it mean accepting, giving and forgiving..

accepting..

everything of you..

the bad and good of you

look at other perceptions,

maybe i can see through something different from you

giving..

give all out for you..

try as hard as possible to help you

maybe sometime,

you cant sense or felt that i had helped you before..

but at least

when you at the hard time,

i was there by your side before..

maybe some days,

you might forget...

but at least..

now, i think it worth for me to do so...

forgiving..

forgive all the things that you make me upset before..

forgive everything..

just forgive...

and

hopefully

our friendship

will last forever..

merry Christmas my dear friends..

i really appreciate everyone of you...

for the everything that you had done to me..

I LOVE YOU...

i love this

the first of my life time,

i receive something hand-make present..

some more is Christmas present^^

p/s: i value you too^^

failed

at the end..

i failed again..

just like what happen yesterday

I'm not aiming to be a perfectionism..

but

the effort which i put on..

seems like being throw into the dustbin...

mind feel so blank yet so full...

i cant remember any single things...

so sad..

i can feel the pain deep inside..

why should we live life for study everyday?

i really afraid of the word FAIL

ever since i came here..

too much unsolved problem..

can i settle it all?

too much conflict..

will it end?

too many people hurts..

will it recover?

on the way back home,

i saw lots of people celebrating their days..

next to my house,

i saw them happily playing with friends

and i wonder..

if i am here, would anyone came to me?

finally i can get into sleep without worries for a night..

assignment and test

making me sleepless this few days..

i wanted to get into sleep right now...

i don't want to think of all those things that burden me..

let me rest in peace for a night...

and tomorrow..

life goes on~~

night bloggie..

CS~ing everyday

killing people making me feeling so alive

XD

what does it feel like

what does it feel like to be left completely alone,

what does it feel like to be ignored all the time,

what does it feel like to be rejected all the time,

what does it feel like to living in darkness all the time.

what does it feel like,

when you want at least some one beside you,

you realize, you cant find anyone..

what does it feel like,

when you see others live their life to the max

while you live to the zero

saying all this, thinking all this thing

will only make yourself hurt..

as everyone is happily enjoying time with friends..

chatting...

played their roles as a good student..

here i am again..

third time in less than 24hours...

stepping leg outside the world alone,

need courage,

which i haven't own it yet..

it is not easy to continue..

every night

whenever I'm alone at here, i will started to wander what is the point for me to keep holding on

my hand started to tremble

and eye feel so pain, as the tear were trying to out...

when will all this end....

i keep tell myself do not bother bout this topic so much..

but whenever people start talking bout it..

i will feel pain deep inside my heart..

although they never ask anything bout my life before..

but

just hearing other people stories will make me flew far away from reality

those bad images keep displaying..

until now,

i cant and don't know how to flash back the good memories of mine

everything seems vanish one by one as day passes...

i never mention out doesn't mean I'm happy

i never mention out doesn't mean I'm brave

doesn't mean i am incredible

doesn't mean i wont drop my tears

doesn't mean i can do everything..

doesn't mean i don't want care from you

but at the end..

i mean nothing to you

when i talk thing bout me..

people thought i crazy

when i talk less bout me

people thought i am arrogant

i wonder..

i can stand how long before i collapse

i wonder..

am i the extra of life?

i wonder..

how come their relationship is so good?

is it the cause and effect of boycotting other?

I'm receiving the effect?

by the way,

if you laughing how stupid am i writing all this crap

please get lost from here...

as i like how i wanna spend my time writing this crap

i hate this

hate to see this

hate to heard this

hate to feel this

hate it

hate it

i hate it..

just hate for whatever things that happen recently

when think back

i feel that i was such a jerk, keep shitting.. fucking around..

i am so superb-extremely bad!!

everything start from me..

i am the one who influence other to do bad things..

i am the one who make other to it..

making everyone feel so damn awkward

i just hate the way i am...

i hate

i jealous

i angry

i am fukerlism..

this is so damn funny~~

i am the one who start it..

but i am blogging bout this everyday

whining bout this..

i hope this semester end quickly end..

ahhh...

i am so damn tired and i have so many shit inside my heart that did not dare to speak out

i wanna some one to scold me

tell me that i am a jerk

i had done wrong

please don't support or back up me

for everything that I've done...

the best moment is

when i said nothing at all...

this will be the

best solution...

finally

ahhh~~

finally i can back to the net world..

looks like,

i cant live without the INTERNET

this few days,

rushing assignment in my house with my classmates

three days and two nights..

staying under the same roof

sleep less than 5 hours a day..

at first,

it is quite a disaster starting..

after a heavy rain, suddenly i cant get the connection..

i feel totally sorry for my classmate,

as everyone came with all the equipment..

but at least we manage can do something...

it was a interesting experience to spend two nights with them..

^^

*******************************************************************************

i really don't know how to face you anymore...

to say that i hate you, actually im not..

to say that i like you, i cant be said so anymore..

i really feel guilty for letting everything become like this

but i dint feel like wanna mending it back..

just let it be like this..

maybe this is the good for me... and you

midterm test is around the corner..

some i did quite well and some were so so~~

blame on me that did not spend so much time on revising..

tired

is started to getting more and more tired

i met my friend that successfully can step their legs into the local university..

i was totally jealous with their study life at there..

it seems so simples,

and need not have to study till gila like me..

just because the government wanna protect their races..><

some times..

I'm getting breathless..

feel like fainting down anytime...

Christmas is coming soon

everyone plan lots of thing..

what should i do?

planning to go back home and sleep whole day again...

or go to somewhere else? but finance problem really headache~ing..

maybe just sleep...

since, that is the only day i can rest my body..

the following week until the week of Christmas..

I'm gonna have sleepless night almost everyday i guess..

rushing for assignment and presentation..

although some work had start earlier compare to the last semester

but the work seems unfinished..

last week, i plan for everything..

but plan dint work well..

i hope i can finish all this by schedule..

i wanna upload some picture..

next time...

bye~~

i snore

I'm sleepy

short blog

money flow out fast..
i had spend lots of money this week..
i eat like a king!!
is time to control my budget..

started to think back.
is it my fault for the ignorance?
i just don't understand why..
I'm a Bad Bad Girl...

i never hate you
if i really hate you
i hate myself more than hating you..

people that didn't know..
will never understand
just like i never understand you
so i will never know what you want..
i keep on forcing other to accept what i want
and never consider
what actually other's want what..
being selfish can protect and satisfy yourself
but it will hurt others
just like if there is an in,
there surly have an out..

i want other to know about me
but i never get know to other
is this the reason of the ignorance of you?
i never keep secret
i talked without think twice
is this the reason you avoiding me?
i keep on talking bad bout you
i stabbed your back
is this the reason you hate me?



i never wanted anyone to concern bout me
i just shared out what i feel
and what i want only

i never beg for more

as long as you are happy

than it is more than enough

PoLok~ing

(=='' souvenir?)

is been a very tiring days

although didn't spend much time revising or doing assignment

but

i still feel very tired

i heard stories from my house mate,

then only i realize there are lots of people that love to pretend innocent to cheat people

i wonder, how these kind of people can have such a thick face to do so

it is fine for using up only one of my house mate(since you knew her)

but what for you wanna used up my other house mate?

find us when you have trouble..

and like blaming others for your fault

i heard that,

she likes and wanted to befriend or even more closer with.....

but the way she acted this few days are so weird?

avoiding and like hating some one..

huh~~

why should i care so much?

or did i really care?

realize that i really really not very good in studying

i spend a lot of time(actually one night)

to memorize all those notes..

and yet, i still failed to answer the question..

while others are just read through,

did not even spend so much time reading like me..

also can scored better than me..

im jealous TT

maybe this is the limit of my brain?

i should try harder for the final...

when you spends lot of time studying..

and you still cant achieve the mark you targeted..

it's quite disappointing..

but feels a bit satisfied..

try harder

try harder

try harder

im trying to search songs~~

although only heard one time..

but the song doze me away..

i like it so much...

i wonder.. it is not yet released??

soundtrack from a malaysia-taiwan drama ->高校铁金刚

click on this to listen on of the song 阿哲。爱与不爱(TT this is the only songs i manage to find)

i watch a bit of this drama from youtube..

not bad..

but i only want the soundtrack!!!!

'高校铁金刚'

Alone?

i knew it I'm not supposed to feel this way when i have everything..

but yet

it surrounded me whenever I'm here..

maybe, there is something happen today

if the day had come..

and i have the money..

i will do it...

everything bout me seems to get wrong today..

i cant get my breath well..

i wake up dizzy whole days again... [dizziness started to attacked me, although the smell leather is not around me]

I'm started to think back the blood color of mine which is not as red as an healthy people should be..

my fractured bone..

I'm a failure and a sick human..

alone?

maybe...

when i looked at others people vacation life..

i feels..

little bit upset..

is like being ignored and forget by everyone..

but then...

I'm the one who chosen to be like this..

why should i feel like this when i wanted this to happen??

i should start avoid..

start blocking..

start to be in offline mood

just appear when truly needed(if i have the chance)

when i reject..

everyone accepted it without questioning..

when i accept..

people will started showing their faces to me..

which means..

i have to reject every time they offered

so that, i wouldn't have to be in such a depressed condition..

i have to looked at your facial expression to acted..

one single mistake..

i have to be alone..

better choose to be alone by myself..

than others pushing you to the lonely path..

yes..

learn to be independent..

accept the fact

that people only help those who in trouble

and 'those' have to reach the requirement of the people before peoples started to help them

so,

if you don't have the requirement..

need not have to hoping so much..

the more you expect what others should treat you

at the end, you will end up

falling deeply of disappointment,

because, people are not truly wanted to help you

just wanted to entertain you...

yes.. entertain me...

maybe..

i think is no longer maybe,

i should wake up now...

stop talking bout me..

ME is boring..

not important

rejected..

i really hope,

i can get the job..

change my life...

PLEASE!!

talk less observe more

listen less heard more

essay of my life

okie..

I'm back again...

for a serious topic to talked to..

just now.. was a rush..

just to promote my SS pic =='''

just like what i told you the previous blog..

im watching taiwan drama..

sometimes...

i just hate drama..

drama is like..

creating a fake hope for other people to believe in..

and the thing is.. people do believe for it..

maybe this is what people live for..

living with fake hope..

this same happen to me..

although i knew it that things in reality would not be so wonderful like what we can see

but i just can help myself to fell for it...

where got such a beatiful convinience,

a girl will met up with a handsome and rich guy..

and then save her out of her miserable life...

maybe because that girl is good looking one and type of some one who can speak so good..

creating such a beautiful and meaningful sentences everytime she speak..

if the girl is an ugly and a fat one?

one without any fashion sense..

any IQ or EQ

a dumb and fat girl..

but met up with this type of guy.. will the guy fell for her???

drama are always faking up the life...

it is cruel, when we realize that..

we actually can't live a life like what we see on drama...

this is the reason i hate to watch drama..

as time passes..

the story getting more and more fake~~~

when he ask me bout it..

then only i realize..

sometime i can be quite invisible..

i know that person knew me.. and i knew that person too

but yet.. they would not look at me...

maybe this is my face problem..

or my attitude problem..

i am quite arrogant..

i think this is the limit i wanted to show it out..

im getting more and more arrogant after the holidays..

the way i talked..

sometimes, if think back..

i am quite cocky

the way i glance at people,

if think back..

i am quite snob..

><

[i need a change, sorry if i pissed you]

i knew i treated her so badly..

but i just don't know why i will treated her that way

i feel sorry for her

my body wanna make a move..

but it just cant move..

maybe all of this is just excuses for cover myself

but what for sure is..

I LOVE YOU, mum..

i never said that,

but doesn't mean that I'm not..

I'm just sorry

sorry is what i can say...

sorry that you have this kind of daughter that you cant be proud of

sorry that you have this kind of daughter that make you being critic by others..

just because of my attitude and personality..

I've try to change.. but

i just can't

i love you for accepted the way i am

i love you for being so kind to me

i love you for being able to patiently treated everyone of us patiently even though u being bullied

i just love you for being the way you are

i love you for being my mum...

and sorry..

please forgive me, for everything...

EVERY single thing that I've done and pissed you off before..

sorry for not being able to tell you all this in front of you

I'm a coward..

a jerk

that would not face my mistake..

even i knew I've done wrong...

talked about life..

life is unfair?

god? is this true they exist?

do they really help those in need?

from what i knew from the elder..

we cant blame the life we have right now..

not until we get old..

until we see through everything..

feel and try everything..

maybe it is true that, now you are suffering..

but doesn't mean that you will keep on suffering till the end....

there is actually a lot of path in front of you that might can change your life

the problem is..

you cant find a light to those path..

and you did not fight to find it..

therefore..

you stayed in darkness for the rest of your life

and that is the full stop of your story..

and other peoples will wave and said goodbye to you

have you every wonder..

that everything that you have today..

is you created your own based on your pass?

what i can said now is

"believe the tunnel can end

belive your body can mend

yeah, i know you can make it through

cause i believe in youu

so, let's go put up a fight

let's go make everything all right

go on take a shot

go give it all you got

oh yeah, i know it's not easy

i know that it's hard

no, it;s not always pretty

get up and go,

tale a chance and be strong,

don't look back just go,

take a breath and move on

or you can spend your hold life holding on"

(Go-Boys like Girls)

what i can do to change myself?

I'm getting lazier and lazier as each day pass

i sleep for the whole days..

even though a lot of people said that please wake up and be more energetic a bit

but i just can't do it

i rather spend my day..

laying at bed...

watching TV

or online~ing..

i also don't want to go out..

shopping for girls is like a LIFE

but for me..

i will feel so sicked every time i go to shopping..

i will headache

or start to cant have a good breath(like asthma attacking)

or sleepy...

i knew that a lots of friends is back..

i just lazy to make a move to go out..

even they asked..

i wanted to reject them..

but think back..

just go.....................

rather than staying at home..

being said by my parent for keep sleeping and sleeping and sleeping....

XD

ignore if you hate

accept if you love

reject if you pissed

love if you fall for it

another ss pictures of the days

haha~~ today snapshot from my lappie webcam so nice..

i look so white~~

pimples attacking my face right now..

maybe is the effect of saying bad bout other people face..

==''

i thought that i am healed from the cough..

and yet.. now, i started to cough back

***************************************************************************************************

here i am again..

actually nothing to share

but just feels don't want to go to bed so early

(actually i slept more than 12hours today)

i think i should consider dieting

I'm talking bout dieting since I'm at form5...

till now.. I'm getting fatter and fatter instead of thinner

and now..

i can feel the lots of oil storing at my legs and my stomach.....

i spend my time just now,

watching an old drama..

T.T

it is so touching.. and i cry alone for more than 10 minute...

I'm also addicted playing a game..

trying to break the high score of my friends..

Bejeweled Blitz

spending more than an hour playing that game non stop

you all can try and play it at face book...

haha

okie..

thats all for tonight..

i wanna continue to beat high score..

actually

I'm lazy to go for outing

i am that lazy..

=.=

random picture

I'm bored..
uploading pictures just to procrastinate..
avoiding the notes right in front of me
=.=''
maybe after i feel satisfied uploading and editing pictures..
i will continue facing those notes..

this pictures taken during karaoke..

love the feeling at here...

this pictures are snap shot from my laptop

from a facebook applications..

out of so many friends.. only one people likes me.. >.<

below pictures taken during my friends trip at my home....^^

SS Picture Of The Day

below are the biscuit pictures i went to buy right after the end of my class
=.=''
just because my classmate and i talk bout it..
and suddenly feel like wanna eat something..
so off i go~~~

yummy xiu bao.. but not as tasty as the one sold at my home ^^

Ipoh famous Lou Po Biscuit.. ngek ngek

last but not least

Kampar famous

Chicken Biscuit

guess that's all for today
after resting my eyes editing this wonderful pictures..
time to face the notes again
good luck to myself..
i hope i won't sleep in halfway

can't wait to holidays..

i miss you~~

^^

BM2

yea

aku kembali lagi~~

disebabkan oleh permintaan yang tinggi..

aku kembali dengan bahasa melayu...

kebelakangan ni sibuk sikit..

sibuk ler dengan pembelajaran aku yang macam tak akan berakhir..

ujian yang berpusu pusu menyerang aku..

dan dengan assignment yang berlambak lambak depan mataku tapi tidak dihiraukan oleh saya..

saya teringin untuk kembali ke rumah saya..

terasa rindu dengan katil busuk saya..

setiap kali saya tidur di katil ini,

pasti akan bangun dengan terseksa, kepala dan seluruh badan sakit sama sama...

mungkin disebabkan sudah terlalu lama tidak keluar membeli belah, jalan jalan dan melepak..

saya sudah terlupa perasaan itu..

sudah jadi semakin tua..

*************************************************************************************

seems like im not talented at all at writing bm essays~~

recently i always in a sleepy mode..

not in a mood to do anything..

exam =.='' really freak me.. freaking me out!!

last time exam was like one year three times..

now.. exam attacking almost once in a month...

studies studies and studies..

and the system grading of this university keep on increasing..

more hard to score

i do hope i can pass all the exam well without have to repeat any subjects~~

i heard one of my housemate telling me that,

the grading will become more stricter..

one D.. is considered as FAIL

yes failed.. and you have to repeat again.. studying again i guess is not a problem

but the problem is the cash that flow out..

is it the university is damn poor?

i thought this kind of university provide a better education for those who cant afford to studies in other university and college that cost our life?

now this university is like trying to failed the students..

BETTER education really a high standard..

now if anyone dare to said that this university is sucks to the core

or for those stupid people to studies..

i will really throw a bag of shit right into that people..

never judge a book by its cover..

i really wanna give up the assignment mark..

i hate group work!!!

not to say very hate..

i just lazy to make the first move..

maybe last minute suit me more...^^

i hate my hair!!

so so so so HATE it..

TT

if i have the $$.. i wanna fo straight it back..

everytime i look at the mirror.. i really wanna smash break the mirror into the pieces..

i hate to face the mirror right now..

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAA

this few days when i did not blogs..

a lots of thing had happen..

i mean A LOT

but weird..

i did not have the mood wanna share it out with friends or people...

i love crapping more than sharing life of ME,

my life is boring~~

will you pay attention to my stories?

eight more weeks to go..

i hope it end fast

i wanna go back home...

enjoy sleeping for two weeks..

i wanna upload some pictures..

but times are running tight..

seems like i only have the times to write out some craps..

and now

after i press the button 'PUBLISH POST'

it is times to face the notes

i hope i can do well for the mid term..

and so do the same to all of you

stop relying

is the best way to stop pushing responsible to others..

i miss KFC

i miss Sushi

i miss MCD fries

i miss ice-cream

i miss chocolate

i hunger for it

XD

psst: i crave it at school table XD

B.M

dalam blog ini,

kesemuaan isi akan ditaip dengan bahasa malaysia..

ini semuanya disebabkan oleh teman serumah saya disini yang telah mempengaruhi saya

kerana dia terpaksa menjawab ujiannya dengan bahasa kebangsaan,

ditambah pula, dia lemah dalam subjek ini, jadi dia bertanya banyak soalan yang rumit

hinggakan kepalaku pusing dibuatnya

dan menyebabkan, saya menyedari bahawa..

betapa lemahnya saya dalam bahasa malaysia...

haha..

terlalu banyak perkataan yang ditaip terpaksa diperah perah kepala otak aku untuk memikir ejaannya

lemahnya aku...

hari ini,

berlaku satu insiden yang menyebabkan hatiku berdebar debar hingga sekarang

baru je saya balik dari lepak lepak di gerai mamak..

semasa saya dan kawan kawanku bersedia untuk balik ke rumah..

tiba tiba, sekumpulan polis meronda..

lebih kurang 7 hingga 8 buah motor

dan terdapat dua tiga polis asyik memandang aku je

membuatkan ku berasa serba salah

ingatkan diri ku yang tidak berdosa telah melakukan kesalahan besar

dalam perjalanan balik ke rumah..

tetiba, terdengar orang cakap melayu kat belakang saya

terkejut besar saya!!!

polis tu cakap..

amoi, nak ke mana tu?

aku pun jawab ler balik

nak balik rumah~!~!

huh..

polis yang baik hati ker apa ker aku tak tahu..

buat aku terkejut jer..

dah ler saya pakai pendek sikit seluar tu..

asyik memandang kat kaki saya..

ishk...

terlalu syok pula menaip naip dengan bahasa ni..

sampaikan semua shor cut keluar..

ahahahaha~~

okie la..

sampai sini lah saya hentikan blog ku

selamat malam..

if....

if...

if am you

if i am part of you

if i can be just like you

if..

if I'm not me

if I'm her

if...

if I'm noticeable

if I'm invisible

if...

if i can have the day

if i can own the day

if i can be on the day

If...

if i can forget it all...

if i can live on live without if..

if...

if only the if are no longer if

if the if are not around me

if the if are true

if the if is beside me now

if you know it

if you can feel it

if you want it

IF...

out of sudden

lonely

i feel don't want to talk

and yet i wanna other's to know my feelings

i wanted to cry

i cant find a place for me to do so

laugh at me...

hate on me

neglect me

just don't ignored me...

is raining again..

for some people, they just don't understand..

they never do..

because you are not the person..

you can't felt other's feelings...

all you can do is just to let the one express it all..

shout it out loud..

in facts

everyone are the same..

they are all the same

when it comes to ownselves

everyone will hide in the dark corner..

because they are afraid to face themselves..

afraid to admit that they are wrong...

afraid of being rejected

afraid of the changes if they tried to mend it back the mistakes

lying to yourself,

another ways of being happy..

you push all your inner and darkest side of you inside of you

when you wanna release all the pain.

you realize that, there is no one there for you

and you are all alone..

a fact that cant be change..

i wonder..

why you have to lied to me that you own nothing

but based from my observation i see from you

you have everything

maybe it is not perfect,

but at least you are some one that i hope to be...

you have the everything that i wanted to..

and you still unsatisfied with it...

you lied to me bout your family

bout your friends

bout how you look

if there is a comparison chart..

for sure, you win it all..

you envy of me?

which part of me that make you so interested with??

this is human..

they never feel enough for everything they owned..

yes!!

I'm so deep envy with everything

every single person!!!

everything they posted,

every single things and person beside them

to make yourself happy!!

the very first thing you have to do is

accept the fate..

even though life is unfair to us..

but this is our fate..

it has meant to be like this ever since you were born

the every decision and action you took from the last time..

that causes what you have now..

and this is not others fault to make you became one of this

is you

yourself that causes you to became like this...

if you did not dare to change it all...

keep whining everyday...

you are nothing, but a failure to yourself...

be brave and step out from the dark corner...

you will realize that,

there are lots of people actually lightening your world..

giving you color..

^^

this is life..

and life never meant to be cruel to us..

only we make it cruel to life...

giving advises is easy..

but to do it..

ain't easy at all..

maybe time will faded it all...

we will wait and see...

rain had stopped..

the sun appear to shine the world..

greeting from rainbow to make the world colorful

it will end...

a cut will end it all..

dare?

sometime i just hope that,

everything that i keep thinking

will come true

a lot of WHY that cant be answer

a lot of HOW that cant be solved

a lot of ME that cant be satisfied...

im not emo..

im just tired

im just bored

with

LIFE

I'm still REJECTED

perfect!!

i wander why there didn't have any korean looks alike guy in here..

at least some one who are tall with a nice body perfection?

shit i sound like a guy maniac..

he is way too cool!!

nice hair, nice body, nice...

everything is just so soo sooo soooo NICE!!

BigBang ROCKS!!!

웨딩드레스 (Wedding Dress) - 태양TaeYang

this song is nice..

perfect lyric

perfect music

perfect song title

perfect choreography

perfect man

and everything of it making the song so DAMN perfect...

two thumbs up from me.. (and more if i have more thumbs XD)

this is another nice songs..

for me it is nice..

other's may think that this song is quite...

erm... geli?

the whole album of 2PM is nice...

but since the group only release this song's mv.. The ONLY one out of the album

quite disappoint with it.

but still waiting... for their further progress...

all of them are so cute and handsome..

LOVE IT!!!

this song is quite cute also..

f(x)..

i like the beat..

yeah!!!

see~~

korean is so talented...

where can i find this kind of people at here???

out of sudden..

im envy with my friends who can study at there..

maybe i should try harder now..

and get my life out from here..

start a new life a there.. ^^

(a dream is just a dream)

wait for me......

or maybe this perhaps?

BOYS LIKES GIRLS...

handsome guy...

T.T

nice song..

two is better than one..

all of this clips are some of the songs that im obsessed with right now..

i hope you all can listen as well...