read a post from my friend
remind me that im getting old
i've been in this world for twenty one years old
achieve nothing and had no specifically skills which i can be proud of
living in a super normal life,
studying for half of the age but i still felt stupid

one thing that make me feel bless is
im not living in poverty




talk something with my friend
and it really does reflect and show how stupid i am
had a deep thought of it
geez, why does it will affect my emotion
but then, it felt kinda relieve after talking bout it
if i keep think of it, my expectation will grew higher and higher...
and in the end,
i make the final decision
fine! just stop thinking bout it for now,
it might be another memory for me to be remember in future

the year of 2011 going to end soon
real soon
im going to hide myself from the world!
bye~


questions of the year:
1. y u still __________?
2. there is no ________?

Orz

learn

Christmas just ended few days ago,
i had a good time chatting with some friends of mine
talking about anything to nothing
except for something which i dislike and everything just turn awkward in a sudden
*friend i apologize of my sudden rudeness, i did that because i hate it if people bring out this issues in public*

i may love to request a lot in front of you
i hope you can do this, i wish you can do that
but in fact,
I'm not
most of the time,
I'm just saying it just to make a chit chat topic
but not with my bbf of course.. i really expect my bbf will do it..
:P
learn not to make blank promises
learn not to give other pressure with those 'wants' i wish to get from them

i make mistake,
though i knew part of it is not my mistake
i just admit it to prevent further argument..
i hate to look at myself in anger
i hate myself when i start to talk back in anger..
i dislike myself behave like a bitch
is not that I'm pretending to be goodmannerorinnocent baby.
just nod, smile and say sorry..
learn to control my anger aka anger management

my parent dislike me spending money on those unnecessary stuff
such as cleansing foam
yeah, i never use cleansing foam/facial in home,
just wash with plain water or soap?
for them, it is unnecessary to clean your face with those stuff,
if your face turn uglier (with pimples and or dark spot)
they simply put on blame on that facial stuff..
LOL this is my mama, kinda cute
what i wanna buy they will say NO
so most of the things i want to buy is still on the wanted list
thanks to them, i save a lot
sometime when think back, i maybe does not need those stuff
learn to control my eager to buy things
learn to differentiate needs and wants..

i dump my friends a lot
most of my friends,
I'm not the one who will take the first move to say hello
maybe i should change that and start saying hello
learn to be extrovert instead of introvert
learn to use verbal instead of nonverbal communication

learn not to look down on myself
instead of saying i can't or I'm not
tried saying now you're not/can't but not in future

people who know this,
i guess only one..
i run away instead of facing it..
if it give the feeling of insecure and make me want to run away
is it indicate that i hate it?
or im just not prepare for it..
learn to accept
learn not to avoid
learn a proper way to avoid.. LOL
till now i still avoiding it, this is totally creepy =.= i know I'm bad
I'm still living in my own world
world that won't give me hurt and everything is under my control.
i am not prepare to step out from my own world yet.

learn to in love with tea
this is random haha
i heard that tea can help to reduce weight
i keep eat and eat non-stop since the sem break start
met with lots of relatives and friends
all of them said: 'wow thin dy, kampar no food eat?'
i don't know i should believe it or not whether i really thin or is just a sentences to say instead of hello
my face is getting chubbier and the pants is getting tighter
symptom of getting fat..
i need to be more thinner
every year resolution to be thin but i failed...
is a good thing of going internship alone,
i wanna make a huge makeover if possible LOL (at least thinner)
trying to avoid seeing my friends this five months,
see what will they said to me after five month xD


learn to dress well
i think i need to improve in this
since i born till now,
i don't have any fashion sense though i love to see how well people dress
when it come to buying cloth to myself
i epic-ly failed
should i find someone to blame? xD
yeap my parent again of course, they keep giving me the impression that our family are actually poor
we are so damn poor that i couldn't buy a shirt which is expensive than rm15
we are so damn poor that i couldn't buy a pant which is expensive than rm30
but now everything changes,
we have e-commerce, lots of online shop with cheap deal...
but then, even i bought those awesome apparel that definitely make yourjawdrops
i couldn't wear out, i still prefer t-shirts and pants
well then just forget bout this,
stick back to t-shirts and pants.. :P
by the way, we are still poor Orz

with all this so many things to learn
i take it all as resolution of the upcoming years


end this post with a song from The Click Five that promoting awareness about human traffic
love them

superstitious me
everytime looking at the clock
it would be double same

***************************************

a friend tell me that my blog is dull
is even more dull with those sleepinggenretype songs
i change it, but with only a songs..
zzz
i cant add in songs in it, i dont know why



okay
the purpose of blogging today ain't suppose to talk bout this
but internship stuff had been keep making me so frust
other's seems happy and satisfied leaving school for internship
while me.. erm, i don't know what to say

i choose alone go interview to a company
why?!
most of my classmate all decided not to intern
some who are lucky enough to be born at big city, can intern at company near them
my parent keep said i am stupid enough to go alone
i was thinking, when i grew up later,
i was suppose to go alone also, what is the different?
the most stupid thing i had to admit is letting go the other opportunity
sigh, not to mention bout it anymore...




at first i suppose to feel relieve..
aaah~ finally there is a company willing to hire me
but now, intern at a Ipoh is not easy..
no transportation, u die
people keep telling me the public transportation is not as punctual as those in kl
no accommodation yet,
next week gonna start my job, and i haven't found a place for me to sleep
the place i wanna go, my parent wouldn't allow
the place my parent want me to go, i don't feel like going..
urgh!

i don't wanna trouble other relative or friends
my face is not that thick enough
one week is already enough killing my pride..
my parent keep want the best for me
as what they said,
im a girl, that is the real problem..

if keeping me safe till the end,
when would i be able to grow?
just like driving car..
keep did not let me drive it,
now, i feel like a loser and you keep saying is my fault for not drive it out
and now keep pushing me to drive ==

im not saying that is my parent fault for all this mess..
most of it is my fault too for too obedient (LOL wtf is it?)
whatever
things had come to here and i need to think of things to clear it up


this saturday and sunday gonna spend a day trip to there to search for room

sigh~

i am too tired to enjoy my holiday after i came back to home

all i wanna do is just lay down and sleep

enjoy reading my books with music i like with a cup of hot drinks

online and watching video from facebook and youtube

i just love to stay at home silently without disturbance

and all of it,

gonna end soon

start with hate, end with love

Last night at here..
gonna miss everything at here for 5months

the first thing
the foods
<3
nasi lemak

the second things
my friends
:D
im gonna superdupermissingyoualllikehell
please miss me too
5month times,
we gonna meet up again
each of us
must turn pretty and handsome^^

..........................................

some random picture

the before and the after

i use a total of 3hour plus to clean plus packing
pack all those stuff in need for 5 months
2 years at here, and i accumulate damn lots of rubbish
#tiredlikehell

the last picture
snap yesterday while reading for the last paper
ah ah~


#########################

can't believe that it had been two year plus i stayed here
time flew fast when i start to enjoyed it
i still remember how much i hate everything at here during the 1st year
:)
think back,
i had been silly
i had been crazy
i had been moody
i had been happy
i had been touch
every emotion that mix up and make me up what i am today
and yeah,
im slowly in love with what i am doing now
so in love with everything at here :3
thank you

start with hate
end with love
im gonna miss u

你怎么
拥有
让我感动的能力

你怎么
总是可以
让我爱上你

你怎么
总是可以
让我忘了一切
很沉迷的
感觉
很沉迷的
感受
很沉迷的
往进
第二人生





就算世界再多残忍
你让我
望着星空
不觉得一个人孤单

漫漫的
像个傻瓜一样
努力的追梦
有些事現在不做一輩子都不会做了
OAOA~

很想学guitar

很痴迷爱上你
五月天

水瓶

今天
很不开心
倍半我度过六年的亲爱的水瓶
不见了
！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！

考试时
明明还在，
回家的路上感到很不安
结果还给我猜对了
我忘了它
T.T
用很快的速度
回到学校，
找完了整个课室
垃圾桶
都没看到它

打扫阿婶
为什么
你那么勤劳


六年的回忆
就只剩下
这四张照片吧~

你我的回忆
我会记得！
你我的感情
我会怀念！

T.T
伤心死了

可不可以
再次
出现在我面前？

***********************
第八号作品
2012
我要！

我的电话

不懂从几时开始

不喜欢电话了

并不讨厌

而是，不像以前那样

非常的需要

去到那都要有它

还常会以为电话响了

现在

漫漫的忘了它存在

出去也不带

还忘了，自己放了什么铃声

它对我最重大的意义

就是闹钟

没它，每晚我会感到不安

因为 除了它 没人 会 叫醒我

啊~ 啊~

电话 = 闹钟

打电话？ = 电脑？

信息？ = msn? plurk? facebook?

:P

对于它，朋友们 和 家人

感到很抱歉...

朋友，我会连家人的电话都忘了接

所以， 不要怪我 没回你信息

不要怪我不接你电话

^^

但说真的，

我也很懒惰去回信息

*i mean those message which more than 2 hours old, unless very important..

somehow it depends, even if i receive a message,i also won't replying you because i don't want further replying due to laziness LOL..

maybe i hate this kind of commitment,

i must reply! it is a must! <-some sort like this.. i tied in this commitment when i start to reply

and also ending it~

it was like who going to end this sms..

and the ending message all went weird weird..

eg: okok!, haha! <- no point right?*

我也不会打回去

*unless more than 2miss calls or 2 day u continuous call back* <-(this is how i treat my family)

p/s: those are for some cases only.. im not always like that..

maybe due to the hand pain, im getting lazier to press phone..

pain ler!

one example when i will get totally absorb pressing my phone is

when i'm getting into an awkward meeting/reunion/chit chatting session

somebody please save me out from there!

but i guess, i will spend most of the time wandering around rather than pressing my phone :P

**************************************************

话说

要过年了

过了圣诞

就播这首歌~

never knew why,

whenever listen to new year songs..

eye start get teary..

when started grew up,

new years doesnt really mean new years and getting angpao plus family reunion..

it do mean something special..

well

this is

a very good remix..

combine lots of new year songs

and video shooting whole over Malaysia!

pretty Malaysia :)

*guess you never figure out

the 1st song on my playlist is actually a christmas song

sad Christmas*

以前，

看到别人

一个人吃饭，

一个人逛街，

一个人的在生活

会觉得，

他

怎么找出这种勇气

怎么去习惯这种习惯

而我，

死也不要一个人..

就算饿了

就算闷了

都不要自己一个人出去

感觉很傻

看到朋友或家人

一个人的话，

会想尽办法

去陪陪他们

总觉得，

一个人的感觉

很孤单，

很恐怖，

所以，

就是不要他们有这种感觉

最近，

我学会了

一个人行动

（虽然有点懒惰出去）

原来

也没什么嘛~

可以，

一个人

花多多时间

看自己喜欢看的东西

用漫长的时间发呆

乱逛

乱走

这感觉

蛮舒服

************************

saw some of this during shopping

teddy cookies

though it taste super sweet (*not really like*)

but i love the cute cute bear bear shape

ABC chocolate!

been searching for this cookies for ages

and i finally found it!!!

like~

Mr.Jimmy product

adding it to my favorite list

learning Chinese from him :P

this is how fragile love can be

once it break,

it leak out

though you manage to mend it back.

it took times,

to fill it again.

it took a lot a lot of time..

saw a past blog post from a friend of mine,

remind me of a lot of things

but from what i saw
after sometime have pass
she seems happy with her single life
i just felt that
the time they use to cherish together
is a bit wasted to let go.

###################################

the truth is,

i never delete the old messages in my phone mailbox.

i never dare to read it back.

though it is not any important message,

but i keep it.

*and now every five message receive, i have to delete some of the message*

i don't know why,

maybe i scare of forgetting it

or

lesser and lesser people,

send me some warm forwarded sms.

i have to admit i think too much,

towards everything

a simple good morning i receive from you everyday

i will interpret wrongly.

i still remember it clearly though many year had pass

and

we never contact since then.

i feel so sorry bout that.

i don't even know what had happen actually.

it stuck on my mind sometimes.

a recent drama teach me

"love is not only fragile, but dangerous in the same time"

"everyone want to step into it,

but they never knew,

they step inside happily,

but,

they came out

crying"

will you still dare to step into it?

when the time came,

when he came

when i realize

i will!

will i found?

will he came?

the one who

saw what i saw

heard what i heard

love what i love

do housecore for me

cook for me

LOL!

crap time over~

time to face note again..

recently,

super addicted with 꽃미남 라면가게

make me fantasy a lot

*shy shy*

i wish she will be happy again
i wish he still remember me
i wish

do you want to know?

Life,

never felt satisfied by one.

keep moving on.

though i had failed it.

though i had to bare with all those negative comments.

though i had never been accepted.

life never stop,

bullying me.

i treat it as

game

if i lose it,

i gain experience.

if i win it,

i brag about it :)

###############################

how do you define ugly?

how ugly is ugly?

how do you define pretty?

how pretty is pretty?

am i ugly or pretty?

my life is ugly?

or

my life is pretty?

pretty and ugly

is not an issue

but most people make a big fuss with it.

###############################

keep asking myself with all stupid question,

i want to know what other think i am.

i want to know if they understand what i'm trying to let them know what i know

i want to know,

if

what i know,

they don't know

will they want to know it?

###############################

saying no to not know what other want to let you know

is very rude!

i hate!

yet,

there are still people don't want to know it.

simple example,

u mute my player..

i had just change some new songs

don't you wanna know what i love? ^^

just crapping stuff..

thanks for reading it

and

thanks for listening to my playlist ♡

things had been going on too smoothly

i get what i want, i get what i wish for

sometimes, i just scare that i get too much, i had to return more

can't help myself being greedy

i guess,

that is what i want most..

that's the reason of me being so sad till cried..

sigh~

i let go the good opportunity..

i hope the other company will treat me good~

just move forward and hope for the best

international company..

i guess someday in future,

with my own capabilities

i can still create the opportunity

with this blog post..

im gonna end my moody feeling over this internship

study hard hard to recover back my cpga!

all the best my friends