I am Lazy

Aaaaaa

I'm trying my best to concentrate on my programming studies..

it feel so easy and yet,

there is lots of minor little tiny mistake can lead to ERROR~~~~

nothing will pop out..

more worst than web page design..

but..

i still thought that this subject is the easiest of all

ngek ngek..

maybe this is the reason of why i still procrastinate..

procrastinate is just an excuses to admit that I'm lazy~~~

i think I'm started to feeling much more better now..

huhuhu..

thanks god..

i don't wanna end up spending my days in the toilet when i get back to studies..

plus..

i also don't wanna fart inside the class

XP

cant wait to went back there..

staying at home whole days making my head feel so dizzy...

it is far better to be feared than loved

Pain

Yesterday were a rough night i ever went through after so many years..

i used to laugh at people who suffer from diarrhea..

not until i feel it myself..

it start from feeling unwell from the previous night before i went to clean up my ancestor grave yesterday...

i feel really sorry for destroying the meaningful day..

I'm even sicker than my grandmother..

T.T

maybe i ate something wrong.. [the duck]

after i went home..

my stomach started to feeling unwell....

aaaa..

countless time to toilet..

until I'm afraid to go to toilet...

and i keep make myself bear with all those pain,

just because i hate to go to toilet at the middle of the night..

i ate too many different medicine..

i even thought that i will end up in hospital..

luckily I'm feeling much more better right now..

but dizziness and stomach pain still attacking once awhile...

thanks mum for doing all those job for me..

luckily I'm sick at home..

one thing i hate bout sick is when dizzy attacking me..

when i feel hot

or when i started to sweat like hell till one point..

my head will start to spin..

the world seems to be spinning..

there is more than one times i feel like fainted due to the hot weather at diamond bay..

luckily

phew~~

###############################################

i suddenly thinking of those thing again..

although people 'worship' you as a good people..

but still..

i cant forget it since that day...

maybe people change...

lots of thing bout you had change..

or i just don't understand you from the start???

from that day onward...

i started to set a distance between you and me...

just in case..

you treated me like you treated other like i see with my own eye....

is been a hard week..

tomorrow will be the first mid-term test..

and i haven't even study a things for it..

God Bless me..

i hope i can remember all those formula.....

by the way..

theory part is not included right??

oh..

I'm so dead...

the feeling of hate coming again...

i hate to be at home although i love my home so much

maybe i just hate the people at the town...

the feeling of people forgetting my existence is growing stronger and stronger as each day pass...

do we really have to fight and make other realize that we are actually existed before??

i really don't know what to do and how to do...

i hate to be friend with those i knew last time..

it feels like, money is kind of an important issue to them..

i just don't have the capability to afford those things they have..

i just don't have the money to buy and spend like them...

maybe I'm ways too afraid be friend with those who are rich..

is seems like they will scan each item you owned..

whatever thing you wear..

sigh~~~

i hate of going back to there again..

the place I'm studying now..

is full of complicated relationship among friends, families and the one they loved..

lots of hot gossiping occurring around me..

is kind of freaking me out..

is like i was into some part of those gossip and turned to a bad people..

now whenever I'm walking alone at school,

it feels like I'm being watches by some people

or feels like people are pointing behind me talking bad bout me..

everything of this feels so shit..

i cant said i don't give a damn care bout it

because i really care of it..

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

i don't know why I'm too into it..

everything around me that look familiar once seems to be so far away...

i really felt so clueless of what i should do..

i am totally lost today...

on the way back home

i am all alone

Neutral

I'm in a neutral side..

i never said who really did the wrong thing and who is the right one..

maybe I'm a Bad people in my bloggie..

but what make me different from you is..

i never have the gut you got..

i never mention straightly whom i mention in my blog

that

make me feel pissed off

make me feel irritated

that is the reason why..

i am still labelled as 'good people'

i crap a lot..

i mix a lot of my story with different people in one story..

so one day..

you are into my story without you even realizing it..

because my blog is boring, draggy and no story line...

plus..

i have less reader if compare to other successful blogger..

because my story is dull and bored and full of crapping with no point

that only satisfied my own...

which mean..

if i ever wrote out anything bad bout someone..

no one will ever realize who is that guy..

unless you really is a good friend of mine...

i knew how it feel like when being critic by others..

maybe you felt that,

you are right in expressing what you felt..

but think again..

human are eager to taste everything...

they wanna try something they never tried before..

a dramatics changes..

ended up being critic by everyone..

maybe those who critic feel that they are right bout what they say...

but respect other feeling..

even when you really feel so pissed with whatever others said..

you should accept whatever it is..

because you choose it to happen..

talk till the end..

both parties should respect each others..

both parties shouldn't even form a gang to hate each other

one mistakes,

sorry cant fix a thing..

that's the end..

please don't hate me..

I'm just sleepy..

and wrote this fast to said that I'm neutral..

==

lots of thing happen recently

which make me don't know to differ when is the best time to smile or sad..

lots of dangerous people around me

lots of people with sad face around me..

and the time..

still tik tok~ing

HELP

I need help from all the kamparian..

this morning around 3am,

my friend's motor being steal by some motherfucker..

which we suspected that this guy is a fucking 'pig'

and had aim my friend's motor for such a period...

please help look around for

a white EX5 with plat number AGV2371

is a new motor that not even celebrate it's one years birthday...

the fucking thief is such an asshole...

help me spread this news away..

click here to look at the motor

A Song

I'm happy when i knew that i might listening to the song you are listening

I'm happy to know that,

you have such a good taste in songs..

I like it so much...

thank you for sharing your songs with me,

although i stalked on your profile only get to know of the songs you are listening

XP

I'm not going to write anything bout you anymore..

you are not worth to be rejected..

=.=

maybe we do not suit to be your friends...

and is a mistake to start all this..

now everyone is hoping a move from you..

i never meant to hurt anyone...

for anything i might have done, i apologize to you...

sometime i want to help..

but there is time,

staying out of the line is helping..

when i know nothing on how to help..

i just watch from far..

even though i knew you are wrong from the start..

you never accept what i offered..

so,

everything..

is up to you..

your money,

your feeling,

your life..

i wish you could see

my half trouble too

=)

today were quite happy dinner~ing with my friends..

actually is a birthday dinner..

no picture is taken by me

and no picture will be uploaded since I'm super duper lazy~~

there is lots of things running in my mind just now..

but once i wanted to express all of it here..

everything gone..

buuush~~ gone, just like that..

==''

i hate my short term memory loss...

i think there is something wrong with my ear dy..

i cant listen to soft voice..

and i cant even listen to the proper sound i used to heard last time when i knocking my head or something..

i cant put this on word..

all what i can said is,

there is really something wrong with my ear..

maybe the effect of listening too much song in high volume..

I'm learning to listen in lower volume [sob TT ]

i even less listen to songs now..

maybe thanks to the server down of the forum i used to visit..

now i totally out of dated with those updated songs...

the serious problem of my mind is..

i don't listen, if I'm not the first to listen among my friends..

just like brother and my cousins

i knew he is so obsessed with the English songs..

till my housemates tell me to listen to the songs which listen by my brother months ago..

then only i realize,

the songs...

quite special...

==''

• Lenka
• F(x) - Thrill Love
• Epik High - Run

Lenka songs is nice..

i love her voice..

but only few songs of her album attracted me..

f(x), i love them more than snsd or Kara..

maybe i love their style..

they sang the songs which suit my mood whenever i listen to them once they release their single..

Epik High, this is the first time i ever in love with their songs..

the previous album..

erm, suppose to said, the album i downloaded [i forget the title]..

mostly is in heavy mode..

which is not my type for Korean songs..

but this is different..

ways to go EH..

he is right bout the songs he promoting..

i mean a blogger i saw...

songs he listen are quite nice..

but i prefer acoustic songs rather than piano songs to make me sleep..

piano sounds is too high in pitch..

it make my ear hurt..

maybe i downloaded the wrong version of true piano songs...

okay that's all for music posting..

happy belated birthday my friend..

p/s: I'm Getting FAT

joke

telling me that you hated it..
all what i can see is you still cant let it go..
even though it is stupid,
you still bang your head into the wall,
and became the joke everyone around you...

you admitted it but refuse to face it..
all those words which seems so reality turn out to be a lied..

when i started to look good on you,
you created hate again...
maybe from the start,
i am the idiot one,
to believe in you...

i don't understand,
why people choose to end it..
but grieve for it every single days..
when you have it in your hand,
you hated it..
when you lose it,
you regretted for it..
maybe i should not complain so much in this,
as i have zero experience although i have lots of stories...

even though they keep telling others,
they are still the same like the last time..
but,
they change from worst to even worst...
when it started,
your eyes looking at the same direction and you started to ignore people around you..
when it end,
your eyes try to look at other direction but keep on looking at the back...
till now,
you are nothing but just walk a big round and went back to the direction,
where everything of this is started..

when it end,
they tell others,
they will not regret..
instead, they will live more happy than the others..
you failed to do so..
you create a miserable life of your own..
that is not the point..
you are also creating a JOKE of people around you..
people(just like me) mostly will not pity at you,
even if they really help you..
friends will only laugh at you stupidness..

wake up idiot..
in this time..
you have only three choices..
1. forget it and move on
(well i think you should forget bout this choices, since you have failed to do so from the first spot.. even if you said you can.. but in the end, you are still the same)
2. just tell that people how you feel
(instead of grieving and whining everyday, why don't you face to face tell the other how you really feel bout this issue? at least you got the answer)
3. FRIEND
(yep, continue be a friend and stop hoping for more)

it start from you telling you wanna be a friend..
so,
why don't you really be a friend?
hoping too much from the others and hoping them can be the one you wish too..
that is just your wish,
and not what other wanted from the first point??
they have tell you very OBVIOUSLY,
and you really don't have the power to keep on complaining bout it..
this is just so stupid...
even if you failed..
please blame no one but yourself..
we already tell you maybe not from the first spot..
but at least we told you so...


if you think that,
when you are giving and lending your hands,
and hoping others will did the same to you..

you are so wrong...

i choose to end it..

so even i am looking at it every time..

i will not complain bout it...

will you do the same?

when a No is a Yes,

when a Hate is a Like,

when Last actually is the First...

One Post

halo bloggie and me..

is been a week i abandon you...

actually lots of thing twisting in my mind..

im trying to solve the question one by one or maybe forget it perhaps??

forget it by listening to music

and of course,

drama~ing

song I'm listening recently including

• 刘力扬-礼物 and etc
• 农夫 - O'FAMA [Album's name]
• 熊宝贝乐团 - 年年 [Album's name]

刘力扬

oh yea..

i start to in love with her voice..

and her song's is fabulous..

nice song for K'oke~ing

in love with all the church carol..

maybe thanks to a little boy i discover from youtube..

Andrew Johnston...

his voice is so angelic..

every time he sing...

tears really drop from my eye...

T.T

i read some blog of my friends..

some of them wrote lots of theoretically life stuff and their opinion..

although what they wrote seems so cruel

but when think twice,

realize what they said really hit the nail on my brain...

but of course,

it depends on whom and how they apply all these theory..

who are we to judge and comment on all those complexity relation between human and oneself..

no matter how good are you..

you still cant judge which way is the best for one's to live..

a single comment killed a human life..

and forever you have to drag on living in guilty..

if you choose to ignore to help..

you will be end up alone~ing

the best thing is to choose to know nothing..

or tell nothing to some one if you know other can't help you to solve your problem...

last two semester was a bad bad semester..

things started to change when the brand new year came..

maybe i found a way to recover myself..

trying to be optimistic to face the ugly truth..

=]

i hate to face the truth...

i really hate it..

maybe this is my optimistic ways to face the truth...

when 'please' become a 'force'

it hurt and make me hate to look back..

it make me feel so breathless whenever i think of it..

a small mistake which grew so big as the time pass

when sorry make no different,

the only way is to reject it...

that is the only way,

as i never knew how to say sorry to others..

and i don't even know how to mend all those broken string between all those things that happen last time..

all i wish is,

a silent talk between you and me..

a smile between you and me...

and i am the stranger...

pain killer would not help to cure..

it just help you to forget the pain for awhile..

if you did not seek help from doctor,

in the end,

you will suffer even more pain...

try to forget it will make you pain even deeper...

no matter how hard is it..

family and friends is the first one to hold you to stand up...

help you to solve it...

i don't know when it start,

i hate to tell people what is my problem except blog it out..

maybe i prefer a middle person to tell to the others what is my problem

rather than face to face telling it...

by the way..

today is her birthday..

as each year pass,

people that we love to hang to leave and forget our birthday one by one...

less people love celebrating birthday...

maybe only me who thought so..

knew each other seems like so long but not very long,

ya..

thanks her for accompany me till today..

that's all..

i leave all those geli words for her BF to say.. XD

wish her all the best for the upcoming years..

and of course, hope that all of us can graduate together..

so if i being terminate or need a semester extension..

please accompany me.. =X

i cant think of anything to tell her anymore...

happy birthday...

yea~~

forever you are older than me~~

习惯到没感觉

Time

Since I am still a little kid,

all i wish from you is..

you will stop and look at us sometimes..

and as time grew..

it creates greater disappointed to everyone...

it had grew from worst to even worst..

till i don't know wanna how to speak it out..

3year seems so long away..

just wait 3 more year..

i hope i am able to stop all this things...

i will bring myself and you out of here....

just give me some times..

thank you for making me realize..

realize everything..

i had settle it..

i had set what i want from now on...

and i will demolish other needs..

just for the better tomorrow..

now i understand what is important

and what is not..

even what other have and i don't,

i won't complained anything bout it anymore...

i have everything which other child don't have..

what more i can wish for...

T.T

but i still hope..

you will stop...

my mind in blank when you tell me that..

I'm sorry i cant do any help other than just listen...

I'm so afraid i cant do it..

i afraid that i cant do it on time...

please continuously give me pressure....

bluff is easy

doing it is hard

Fast

when the time ticking too fast..

way too fast,

till i cant even have the time to respond to everything surround me

that is the moment i tend to done lots of mistakes..

a lot a lot of mistakes...

when i realize how many mistakes I've done..

the time pause..

it seems like the time pause for me to count the countless mistake I've done...

it get even worse when the time walk even slower

when i try to encourage myself to make things right..

which i did not even have those courage to do so...

the time stops

is quite creepy to even think any single mistakes...

T.T

is creepy to looked at those people who i felt sorry for..

think again thrice

erm.. i think the first thought already killed me..

no chance at all...

T.T

time stops..

think that,

i should start studying hard or sleep hard?

or spend my time learning somethings news...

MUSIC ar~~~~

save me..

TT

ya.. music is my 1st Best Friends..

Blog is my second

and reader.. U are the THIRD...

music make me cried today...

blog make me cried today..

huh..

for no reason..

I'm feeling so down right now...

really really sad with everything that happen

a thought of back to the world again..

will U welcome me??

T.T

creating a fairyland under the dark sky

U are Dangerous

what i want to share out is..

i may look bad in the way i communicate..

but i am a good people..

but when i act too good enough with you..

that is the time you should be caution with..

that is the time when even if i hated u

i wont tell you

but just back stabbing behind of you

and keep stab Stab STAB!!!!!

or the even worst scenario..

i wont tell other bout U

but keep my hate toward U deep inside my heart...

then U should be careful that i will not do any voodoo

or even cursing U every single night before i sleep...

thanks god U haven't develop into this kind of hate...

U are so Dangerous..

I cant predict any single bad things that U going to do to me...

and,

i did not wanted to hate U...

stop creating HATE...

I've try not to hear any gossip bout U..

try to maintain Ur good side in my mind...

zzzz!!!!!

i really hate it when U do it that way...

If i am U in that situation,

i will not leave Ur stuff away from me...

at least will put it back even if i used it without permission???

what U said are hard to see it in reality..

if i am a Faker?

what are U??

U are Just Dangerous..

that's all i can say...

Blank It

Jealousy again..

huh..

I'm really an evil green monster...

i envy of U

although u may look simple in front of others..

but U look so shine in front of me..

i wonder how u can make it..

everything bad that happen will be turn to a good ending..

even when U failed..

u manage to make ended beautifully..

I envy of U

on how u bring yourself so well in this world..

the more U critics bout yourself make me feel that i even worst than that...

I'm totally envy of the life people living in drama..

hate it when realize that it look so perfect...

beautiful people running everywhere at there...

life can be as easy as ABC

even when there is any problem occur...

'God' seems helping them...

Being popular sound so interesting..

being together with the popular sound even more..

being the important in everyone mind seems so interesting..

everything bout U which sound so simple

but ended up,

having a life that everyone wish to have it..

DRAMA...

recently lots of things happen..

all the thing happen trying to distract my attention away..

i need to really focus of what i want now..

too many choices and influences which i hardly can reject but just to follow deep inside my heart..

everything happen

and

everything that i heard and see,

will just drove my away from the path I'm walking now..

I'm hunger for everything..

i wanted to taste all of it

i wanted to experience all those feeling of being at the spots with them...

i just want it all

although, i did not have those capabilities to make things right when it is right beside me..

lots of question started to pop out one by one...

I'm confuse with what i want

and what i really want...

keep on thinking this things over and over again..

i try to forget bout it...

but i ended up in my imagination world again..

where everything run perfectly just for me..

and when i wake up...

aik!!

problem become more headache...

things getting worse as each day exchanges..

even when i closed up my eyes..

i think of to be there...

i think of everything which seems to be impossible..

i dream of something which i cant never able to achieve...

maybe I'm hoping too much of myself in this short life of mine...

till now,

i cant escape from my imagination world..

i really need to blank my mind..

for a second perhaps?

the star crying in darkness...

i do hope

i can hear it's sound

i do hope

U can feel my existance

Last Carnival by Acoustic Cafe

It was nothing..

i just feel so sorrow when i heard this songs..

but it feel so relaxing when it started and ended..

just like the song title

last carnival..

carnival started with joy..

creating short term joyful moment for all the visitor

till the carnival ended..

people had to continue to live on?

and the joyful moment stayed as memory..

everyone wish the time will stop..

or just turn back...

living in the memory

i didn't knew that violin sound can be so nice..

started to in love with the sound of violin..

thanks also to the japanese composer

Norihiro Tsuru

for such a wonderful songs~~

在黑暗中我的星星哭了

真希望

我听得到