Faker = Me

ugly people do not deserve this..

stupid people do not deserve this..

learn this two from one of my friend,

and i really really agree with these statement..

sometimes this world are not fair..

you are beautiful and sexy enough,

you can become the model,

while,

if you are the ugly,

you only can become those idiot that take the aluminium paper[dunno wat it call]

to shine the beauty..

the ugly forever be the slave..

last time,

i heard from my other friends..

he tell me that he hated the pretty girl a lots

pretty girl only be friend with those who are

clever

rich

and those ugly duckling will be the slave for these beauty

well,

this is the power that a beauty can owned

while we will be the slave to serve all this beauty??

then she tell me,

not to care bout what other said

if you are ugly~~

if you have the confident..

you can shine too

but..

if you are standing in 9 beauty..

who will looked at you??

my ex-boss,

once told me,

they only hired those ppl who looked good n slim

fat people or ugly will be rejected...

this is the sarcastic world that i lived now

you can have the power..

if you have money!!

you have the face!!

or else.. you are nothing...

OK.. let say,

you really have the confident..

but what will you felt when you realize that,

others ppl keep stabbing behind you??

still move on with this style of yours?

even though everyone hated you

and think that your confident = faker..

which lots of ppl creating group anti so many girls that try to look good by editing their picture into little bit different of her...

this girl end up SS alone in the pretty world of her own..

and everyone reject her..

just because she just wanted to looked good and shine..

everyone labeled her as FAKER~~

from my observation,

even when ppl making friends,

they tend to choose those who looked pretty..

what the pretty want, they will do it immediately for them..

when the ugly want wanted something..

you don't have hand or leg to do it yourself??

the beauty need protection, because they look pretty and looks so weak,

while the ugly people need not have all this?

just because they look ugly??

this is the reason why..

i hated those who just make friends with pretty girls or boys..

hated those who dare said that friends of mine ugly..

because i experienced my own how it felt..

when a guy straight forward tell me that i am ugly..

TT

i also hated those rich people..

because i will remember that farking-puki-bitch,

that once scolded and teasing me that my hand is 'dirty'..

fuck you..

wish you being fuck by animals till you death!!

i hate you..

damn you..

you are rich ,

don't show you are damn fucking rich in front of me...

you are pretty/handsome?

don't tease me!!!

i hate you!!!

fuck off..

this experiences really killed my confident...

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh

i am a faker!!

Sing Song Sang

I spend whole night listen and downloading songs

searching for the songs that suit my mood yesterday..

and

i did not disappointed,

i found several songs which is so nice~~

love it so much

********************************************************************************

張傑 Chase Chang-下一個章節(The Next Chapter)

this is a nice album..

i love this guy's voice so much..

the song sang by him feel so warm in the cold night?

handsome guy with handsome voice..

haha.. XD

Tracklist：

01. 下一個章節
02. 螢火蟲
03. 我不聽
04. 愛伊攜帶汝
05. 重播
06. 問號
07. 你在哪裡
08. 情人節 [i love this]
09. 愛上妳這件事情
10. 長大
Bonus Track
11. 時間若倒退(demo)
12. 吻我好嗎(demo)
13. 槍與玫瑰(demo)

other song besides the highlighted also nice

********************************************************************************

소녀시대SNSD Oh!

this one also not bad

this girls going to release their 2ND album soon after their top hits Gee

so everyone are waiting for it?

but i more waiting to see their MV

their dance movement

i did not search when will be the release date of their new album

but the single of this songs is out~~

can be illegally download

^^

********************************************************************************

Honor Society - Fashionably Late

i learn the existing of this group while stalking at others ppl blogs

out of so many songs,

i only love one of it..

XD

because i dint really listen to the others

because i listen more to 张杰 XD

Track Listing:

1. Over You
2. Full Moon Crazy
3. My Own Way
4. Two Rebels
5. Why Didn’t I
6. Goodnight My Love
7. Here Comes Trouble
8. See U In The Dark
9. No body Has To Know
10. Sing For You
11. Don’t Close The Book
12. Rock With You
13. Where Are You Now (bonus track from the Bandslam soundtrack)[i like this]

********************************************************************************

Daesung (Big Bang) 솜사탕 (Cotton Candy)

yeah

i melt i melt

i melt when i listen to this songs..

this guy is cute

the whole song is compose by himself

korean is so talented..

haha~~!!

so..

this is some of the song i wanna intro to all of you

there are some still un-listen yet...

wait till next time

chao~~!!

I hate it

i do hope time stop at this moment..

the right song..

the right moment..

the right atmosphere..

everything went so right at this moment

ignore those notes besides

it feels so great

tried to react that i care bout nothing

actually i really envy

i really worried

i really frustrated

i really hunger/dying for it

i don't understand

why,

people out there,

live life like ABC

they need not have to put so much effort

and

they gain whatever thing they want

everything went so smooth for them

money, carrier, love, study...

I've try live as smooth as them

try not to see too deep inside

try not to listen so much

try not to realize the ugliness behind those beauty

try not to compare

try to shine

try to step forward

try to laugh

try to talk

try at least make one thing in my life went perfectly..

is it,

i did not work hard enough?

did not put more effort?

did not do it well enough?

sometimes,

the way people treated me..

make me wanna step out of the world..

I'm feel good staying inside the world of mine..

what is the reason,

they pull me out from the dark,

and dump me in the dark again..

i hate it!!

i hate is so much..

when you said something..

and then you left without ending it..

if it is like that,

why you tell me on the first place?

my fault for asking you to tell me?

maybe you have lots of friends beside me..

they can make you happier while i cant...

this is the way how you treated me..

i hate it...

i hate it..

when i said something

and you never paid attention,

the reason why i hate to repeat,

the reason why i hate to stay with the crowd,

the reason why i hate talking to you..

if you invited so many people in an event,

and end up,

I'm being ignored..

why you invited me?

my fault for not making myself to attract others attention?

why others,

need not even open their mouth,

can be the important one??

the reason i hate it deeply..

i hate it..

when you compare my study

when you compare how i look

when you compare others with me

how pretty people are

how lucky people are

how rich people are

how hardworking people are

how obedient people are

how good people are

I'm sorry i can be the one you like bout others

which i don't have any single traits of it..

i hate it..

i hate it..

when you live the way you are

and yet you said this is not you

the real you are so fake,

and i cant see the real you but just the 'real' you?

so why you tell me bout it?

is it just a creation?

which one is fake?

which one is real?

which one should i believe?

i hate it..

i hate to make decision

i hate to choose

i hate it..

i hate everything out there..

i love stay with the fake world i create here..

i love all the music that make me feels that there is still life out there

i love facebook that give me inspiration of everything that i hated

i see that person said,

it is embarrassing to post something out, and no one comment on it...

yeah right..

out of 10 posts i posted.. only one is being replied

so should i jump to death?

this kind of people are just hunger for popularity

i hated this kind of people

is it because i cant be like this kind of people?

talk till the end

there is nothing i hated as deep as i hate myself

i don't know how i end up hating so many things,

while the purpose of writing this posts at first is to promoting songs i listened..

everyone in the house

telling me that they are so poor

i am poor

but i cant help myself to spend..

i cant control it

i can see that she is deeply hunger for it

she is deeply in love

she is so brave

what should i said to her?

when she seems like did not wants to talk to me,

is it the previous encouragement which lead to failure

make her does not want to talk anything to me anymore?

just wish her all the best in finding the one she want..

he and she have it all

and keep complaining unstop

i really don't understand why?

is it all because to attract people?

i feel so damn dizzy right now

the sleep time of mine are disturbed

should off and went to bed..

what a nice weather

what a nice melody~~

I melt.. I melt....

when it comes to study

my little hobby

damn me

搞砸了

phew...

this is the first time i ever spend so much time doing a work

from 10pm till 5am..

and still i cant finished it..

it is fun but it take a lot of times..

And I'm wondering,

can i survive for my final exam..

i will sleep and start my study today!!

I WILL

i hope, i wont make any disaster or mistake

just like my post title...

tired of twisting my brain..

but a training for myself to work and study under pressure

am i thinking too much over a small scenario of my life?

and now only i realize that I'm standing in such a critical stage

and yet,

i never considerate and still be the one i am now..

i should really start changing my behavior

before it getting worst,

at least i can help release some of the burden and

save somethings for the future perhaps?

*****************************************************************************

大嘴巴 - 万凸3

i love this group A LOTSSSSSsssss

pretty human singing songs

rocking~~

a must listen album

黄鸿升(小鬼) - 爱&英雄 Love Hero

this one also not bad

but i only love one of the songs badly,

maybe the title suit what i feel today...

搞砸了

a song compose by mayday's ahshin （阿信）

and lyric by mayday's monster (怪兽）

the song really have mayday feel

even the singer sing like 阿信

does he try to copy him? XP

*****************************************************************************

there's lot of things in my mind wanted to say out

but i forgotten all...

short term memory lost

hoho~

that's all...

Fight for Final

"Later La"

==

I've tried but failed..

The excitement turn to DOOM

I have no idea what is going to happen next

I am not prepare for everything

the nerve is getting tenser and tenser

as

each second ticking

really don't know what should I do

even though

i keep saying i can

but

in fact

I CANT

I'm trying to make it better

and realize

it wont work

It just wont

escaping is the best way to solve everything?

maybe I'm just tired

i Hope

I can

The path seems so Long

but

I can see Light far within the path

am i be able to catch it?

before the light disappeared?

sigh~

Why I Like It Longer

Why I Like It Longer❤

I ❤ Black

I ❤ Red

I ❤ Chocolate

I ❤ Long

I ❤ Everything about U

It's all About U

The reason

Why I Like It Longer

and

Love it

Just because I heart U

✔Reject Me

✖Reject this

Black and Bloodish Day

Black

yesterday 18/01/10

as time struck 00.00a.m

nothing went right..

spending for more than one hour refreshing at the same page..

queueing and jamming with hundreds of people for motor vehicle registration

everyone were so damn pissed off~~

but i give up and went for sleep..

still got people stayed awake and sms~ing me early in the morning.. 7.21a.m

tell me that's is open for registration..

helping 4 people including me filling up the form..

phew..

and it is not the end yet..

we have to jammed for another session..

course registration..

Lucky me and some of my friends who manage get their times..

what a busy days..

then around 11am

suppose to be earlier..

but due to the 'tyre puncture' symptom

i go to 'repair' my bike..

==''

and what the~~

just a bad days..

is like I've done stupid things for the whole morning...

Bloodish

went for a blood donation..

is been awhile i want to do this..

maybe is for myself or for others..

myself? i want to test whether is it I'm still that lacking of blood..

but today,

although being inject both of mine hands..

1st time, no blood came out..

2ND time, harsh but the blood did flow out,

slow and and manage to donate 300cc of A type blood

muahahaha..

the very first time i succeeded..

the last two times..

a lot of weird things happen..

maybe this is for myself more than for others..

the poster

the banner

checking blood pressure?

the process

the attraction

this is what happen today..

haih..

really quite disappointment with my performance

it seems like I'm throwing effort to the sea of junkie

my results of all the hard work seems to be very far away from the expectation

i really upset and angry..

but what to do..

there are things,

even if we argue to win it..

but you lost the faith and heart of others..

what a days...

the rejected

Because U are my choice

Chasing Back The Time

is been a long time,

i never write blog under the sun light..

but that is not the point i want to talk to..

just yesterday,

some one said something and i guess it wake up a lot of people..

some may treat it as a joke

some may treat it as a normal story

some may implement it deep at their heart...

story,

is something that can make people change,

each and every story..

have it value within it..

even a normal story like Cinderella, beauty and the beast..

if you look deeper besides the love story and the fantasy land..

actually it teaches us a lot of things..

Romeo and Juliet?

i get to know that Juliet is the third person,

Romeo did not love with Juliet 1st..

because of Juliet beauty then link to love?

perhaps..

but for sure,

the one that being loved by Romeo before..

get hurt, and no one knew,

coz she never appear..

if you run fast enough,

you can chase back the time..

i start to warming up my body..

before i start a long long run...

and i hope..

i will be able to keep others out from my vision..

so 'this' will not distract me...

goodbye bloggie

this few week,

i will leave you for a while..

no matter how hard the path is..

i will not complain to you...

and thanks again to all my viewer..

thanks, by viewing..

you all had warmed my heart although i still feel cold..

Bye!!

A Change?

there were lots of people,

realize the mistake they had done..

all of them[including me],

apologize for all the bad stuff they had done,

and promised they will change..

but then,

when you say out to change,

people will eventually believe that you will,

but in the end..

you still end up being the same..

just like me..

still the same...

because i knew the fact that,

people wont change because they said they want to change..

therefore, when some one tell me,

they wanna change themselves,

i just nod nod my head and support them..

but most of them, will not even stand the changes they made for one week..

[sorry to say that, i judge everyone base on ME]

when you said out a harsh thing to me

im so sorry to tell you that

i cant forget it..

even if you try to mend it back

it will not be the same again..

maybe??!!

i cant face myself to be a friends with some one who hated me before

and i feel guilty to..

hard...

maybe i not so suit to be a GIRL's friends?

find other instead of me..

the one who hard to talk to,

actually is me..

i got no more to said..

by the way,

i wanna thanks for everyone who support my blogs

cant believe that,

i crap everyday,

still got lots of people will come and read my craps...

today hits over 100++

im not sure whether is the same people close and open and open over again..

but still thanks..

i earn 1 cent because of you..

hahaha!!!

cut off the emo blogging today

maybe i should said something realistic that i've done today..

i attend all the classes today!!

have a good time joking around with my classmates...

and i slept in 2 out of 3 lectures class [well done]

all lecturer seems to be in a good mood,

so do i..

today planning to go for a shop at town with me BFs

quite disappointed when we arrive to our main destination,

the shop closed..

but then, still have a great time walking night market with them..

i listen to all the old korean songs i downloaded..

cant believe that i downloaded so many and yet i never listen before..

and same goes to other genres'..

and in less than 5days,

2 of my house mates are coming back..

for me is still the same,

but since my room mate complained of bored

[im boring>.<]

then I'm happy to welcome them back also 'lor'

I'm getting excited to welcoming the next biggest celebration..

but before that, i think i should start off 'pai guan'~ing

maybe after next week?

and i will send my baby laptop to clinic to clean up all the viruses

yea~~ he going to turn one years old soon...

applause to me for be able to keep him in healthy condition..

haha~!!

*off*

sleep early to attend all classes tomorrow...

Y.E.S.

oh yes!!

something that i wished for,

at least come true...

but I'm not so sure whether in future,

i will be in this excited form or not...

people tell me this path is hard to go through...

i knew, I'm not the type that be able to adapt in changes suddenly..

that is the reason I'm choosing this path..

i want to learn to get use to it,

i want to try everything,

i want to do some big differences in my life..

or maybe in this school?

in future,

i might cry for this path that i choose..

but i will never regret with it..

i do hope this is an opportunity to help me,

make my eyes open more wider,

to see another side of the world..

and of course,

money still the main reason i choose this path..

Support ME~!!

ENCOURAGE ME~!!

SLAP ME to wake me up,

if i ever complain to you how difficult this path is in FUTURE~!!

i sound like so excited bout this,

although i don't know what on earth I'm going to face in future..

i will update bout it in future...

everyone is playing psychology game?

or I'm the one who creating this game..

I'm thinking of joining this team again,

maybe more and more responsibility i get,

will make me more stronger when I'm facing stress...

i really have to admit that,

i am really weak in facing stress...

Stress is my biggest weakness??

i cant work well in pressure, responsibility and expectation from others

this three will be the weaknesses that i wish to eliminate..

especially the expectation from others..

a lot of times, i run away to face this problem..

i even accidentally failing my life,

so that,

i can release myself from your expectations..

i knew im wrong by doing so..

that's why.. i wanna get rid with it...

after the assignment finish,

i can breath well!!

i can Laugh Out Loud!!

I'm looking forward bout the next biggest celebration

not in a mood in Final exam...

cant believe that rejected lose to assignment..

so should i?

actually i still don't want to leave them

but whenever i think of in future,

all of us will be separated,

i really cant imagine...

hard for me to accept separating,

i hate changes..

i hate separated between us...

hard for me to accept some one new as team..

maybe leaving is the only way

for me to learn to get knew of some one new..

a test for me?

by the way,

realize that i really weak in computering type subject...

I'm still confuse whether i had chosen to right path or not..

people say learn if you don't know..

last time,

computer~ing type subject is the reason how i make it to here

but now..

i really don't know..

it seems so hard than i expected..

the easiest subject bout web coding,

i cant even do well in it..

i try to do revision bout this subject last few days..

less than 2 hours..

i failed!!

i really don't know what the hell I'm doing or writing..

although there are result with whatever i type..

but i still confuse..

did i make a wrong decision?

there is some one i hate,

but they loved,

so i avoid,

until i be able to accept.

right or wrong

as time struck 1am++

i settled all my assignment..

actually, i very upset,

very lazy to continue it

responsibility perhaps?

or I'm afraid of losing

they did not gave any support..

just pressure for me to finished it..

during all the process..

it is really tiring

there are time i really felt like giving up

maybe assignment is part of the reason for my weird behavior

i hate responsibility..

sometimes, i do hope i can be the sleeping one..

i can just push all the job to others and wait you finished..

what for i need to be so 'good'

when I'm really sick and tired

i still have to move on to settle it

why others have to act like this assignment is like none of their business..

if it is..

why you register to be same team with me?

but..

i maybe sound like i have little bit intention wanna blame you all

yes i am!!

if anyone stand on my position today,

i can bet, everyone will sure being fucking pissed off

just depends on them wanna release their anger or not only

but...

still the same..

thanks to them again..

this semester i learn A LOT of things

and I'm turning more and more bad as time pass

i cant control my emotion

my anger easily burst

I'm still trying to control it..

Control everything..

trying to learn to be a 'good' people again...

**********************************************************

i think a lot of people asked

why am i being so emo

actually i also don't know

maybe everything that i expected going inversely

there is a lot of things

i better don't voice out

maybe you think that I'm selfish or what

but sometimes, if all these things being voice out

it will causes argument

and for what i wanna destroyed it all?

i can causes the friendship of you and me break right now...

well, the one you know of me..

is not really that good after all..

I'm still love gossiping talking bad bout others..

i can be very mean..

hahahhha~~

==''

by the way

today i knew a lot of things bout her..

seems like she experience a lot of things bout life

but there is no one in this world who can judge who are right and who are wrong

don't you think so?

are the positive thinking one always the right one?

why?

why cant be the negative thinking be the right one?

at least, we face the ugly reality of the world, don't we?

who are we to judge whether what's other do is whether right or wrong..

even what you do now,

you think is the right and best decision

will lead to failure in future..

whose know right?

i really felt like wanna touch bout sensitive topic bout GOD

but then,

right or wrong??

no one knows

even if i said out..

i may end up being jailed..

they say we have right to voice out our opinion

but with restricted and limitation

who dare to do so?

unless you have the money to fight with the government

but surly will end up at jailed i guess..

talk till the end

right or wrong

the only things that matter is

L.O.V.E

P.E.A.C.E

thank you and good night

no one can judge whether

who is right

and

who is wrong

to live on?

when discussing this kind of topic..

for sure, the one with negative thinking will lose

and the positive one continue to rules~~!!

with their thought of

"you live happily or sadly, the day also pass like that

why don't you live happily"

i have nothing to say

except of avoiding you all more..

since that,

i will only bring inconvenience,

bring sorrow in your happy world..

that's is,

leave me alone in this fucking world..

as you all wish,

i may leave now...

too directly hurt

and you make me realize friendship is just a bullshits,

life is just a bullshits..

arguing with all this..

making me even tired of thinking what and how to move on..

i try hard to escape from all this,

but people just dig it even harder..

they dig and they leave just like that..

making me cant even stop my tear to drop..

i know is stupid for me to think of all this things,

but i just cant help myself..

maybe is because of compare,

maybe is because of jealousy,

i just hate myself..

and you all making me hate myself even more,

making me feel that I'm just that shitty useless..

if a laugh can make you laugh,

then i promise...

i wont tell any shit of my problem to you again..

people only care for the one they CARE,

no one give a damn care bout u if you are NOBODY..

I HATE YOU DEEP TO THE CORE!!

you are such a motherfuckingcipaipukibastardshit!!!

continue live in your fuckingpuki-haha-world

i dont want give a fucking damn care bout it anymore

sorry for my rudeness

i cant help myself express my hate toward me or u

i am just that fucking

that will scolded people just like that...

to hate

to love

is up to you

Searching for a Simple Life

Happy Birthday to U again

everyone hoping for a simple life

a life without worries and stress perhaps?

life is simple enough

just that, you think that life is complicated

i may not be the best one to tell you all this

as me myself

need to mirror myself..

I'm searching for an exact answer of what's life is

there is a lot of 'IF' and hopes that time can turn back to fix it all

i not really know you

really have to think hard,

when do we met?

standard5? form1?

but for sure is,

form4,

is the time we get along 'well'

still

i don't know you

everyone locks themselves inside a dark room of their own...

just like you and me

what different with me and you is

you lock and you face the world with who you are

i lock and i face the world with the fake me

i really not so sure what am i typing now..

just wish you have a nice day

happy birthday

celebrate it with the one you love...

the only picture of you and me

is ugly

==

****************************************************************************

discover the weird weird window on every corner of my blogs?

yep.. i find it weird also

please entertain me by clicking those windows

after i get bored with it

maybe I'll get rid with it

sometimes,

to get know of nothing is better than knowing everything

she tell me bout the other she

and she concern bout her

i wanted to tell her that it is not worth for her to do so

what for you wanna concern for the other

who use to avoid you?

she just don't know the real face of her

maybe i should just let them be like this

what for i want to destroy a friendship chain

as long they are happy

then is more than enough..

do you know

the one who live in happiness all the time

get what you want all the time

have everything that what's life mean

friends

loves

money

family

will Not understand why other is suffering for no reason

the question mark within you are hard to answer

because you never experience it

because you never felt it

because you have it all

what making life complicated for you is only

because of arguing with Love & Friendship problems

you never really fall into the world of mine

which i also don't really know what is the problem of mine

maybe thinking too much is one of the reason

but there is reason for thinking too much

people around me..

life..

hard for me to explain

how on hell people going to describe what life is?

If,

you really found an answer of what life is

please tell me

i would desperately want to know

I'm making all this drama

because of the reaction of them

but

when they really realize

i found out that,

i cant accept

i cant even react

i cant breath

sorry seems cant help to solve it

it feel so damn pain inside my heart when they tell me directly

it feel so Pain

and in the end

everyone get hurts

will time really helps?

will it recover?

I'm just a coward that avoiding myself from facing the reality..

something to say?

I've got something to say..

but whenever i wanted to say it out..

i cant..

now,

even starting a normal conversation

i have to think awhile..

will my questioning bothering?

will what i said bored you?

when so many things twisting in my mind..

people cant wait and walk away..

my lip is glued

and

dot dot dot

they just don't understand why i choose to avoid..

i really afraid that i will burst into tears suddenly

i don't want to freak you all

even in school

there are times, i bear it hard

really hard

just to stop the tear flowing down..

with this kind of emotion i have right now

i really scare that i will fall before the final..

i no longer have the fire to continue the study

i sound so stupid

thinking all those impossible stuff..

but i just cant move on

i cant~ i cant~

there will be reward for them

as they put lots of effort for everything they do

i put lots of effort..

people laugh at my efforts..

i don't think, people will realize what I've done for them..

i end up nothing..

people say to me that,

nothing will change

in fact,

it changes a lot

am i the one who changing and i cant used to be with the old you?

crying and hiding is ways that i choose to escape from the truth..

even now, I'm still searching for various of excuses to escape from them..

i just cant,

i don't know what is the problem within me..

I'm just don't know..

from the moment i started know how to think

i start to think of what i want

till now, i never found and exact answer of what i want

people live in hopes and aims..

while i live for?

people giving me a lots of hopes

but

when i started to look carefully

everything is just a lied

i don't know why on hell

you all love to give me fake hope

I've been drop from sky to ground most of the time

today you say like this

and tomorrow,

you giving me others things

arghh.. i don't know what am i typing anymore..

is up to you whether you understand or not

another thing is,

besides giving me fake hopes

they love to judge on me

not to say judge...

to make it simple

what you know about me, is not me..

everything you say about me, is not me either..

but,

I'm tired

I'm tired to correct the mistake you all thought of me

maybe, by this way...

if my sorrow,

will make you happy,

I'm willing to do it for you...

secret is no longer a secret

when you tell me to keep it as a secret

sometimes it is funny

to keep secret of you

and i get to know that,

everyone know your secret

but just because you asked for it..

i do it for you

not to say that I'm sound so Godly at here

but i like to be with you

that's all

parents started to scared of me i guess..

they less scolded at me compare to last time..

today my mum tell me,

to get out from my room and stop hiding at room everyday..

father tell me that, finally i saw your face after so many days..

even living in the same roof,

but it is hard to see my face..

brother went inside my room and get out saying nothing

did i really freak them??

maybe i suit to be a hikikomori

I've been thinking of skipping the class this whole week

but the barred lost scared me off..

last time,

i really afraid of being too lonely

too silent

too dark

but now, all of this making me feeling so comfortable

i just want to stay inside my comfort zone

that's all...

L.O.V.E

today is a nice day..

as time struck 12am..

it feel nice..

yesterday was a doom day

but yet, i still the same

still wanna hide myself from others..

don't ask me why..

me myself still searching an answer for it too...

lots of things happen

lots of Hot gossips happening

but before i started everything..

i wanted to express my L.O.V.E to all my dearest classmates and FRIENDS

congrats for the successful presentation you all have done..

all of them done a great job

^^.. although this thing never came out from my mouth

but I'm proud and impress with the effort you all have put for it

i keep on thinking bad things bout people

although i did not know true or not

but i influence others to believe in me

I'm bad..

XP

but, this is what usually bad people done

they will set a road for themselves before everything started

maybe the previous path they choose, they feel that it is a big mistakes

if you really think in this way..

then what i can say is, continue to stick with your GANG

the reason i hate talking to some of the people recently

is because i afraid that i was unable to control my anger..

i will..

I WILL split out and speak all those denotation/double meaning word

sometime i hate you

i hate the way you treat others

i hate the way you treat only the one you care and you ignore other

i hate the way you use me(maybe?)

i hate it when you talk to me when you feel like no one is there for you

i hate the phrase you all use

i hate it all.. everything of you

i don't understand why i love to hate each and everyone i knew

I'm really hard to satisfied

if you really like something

go for it, before it disappear

things wont appear twice in your life

human are like this..

the easily the things come to them, they wont appreciate it until it is gone

now you say you hate it

but what if,

someday...

it disappear..

although in your mouth you say you never bother..

but what i can say for sure is

there must be a little bit regrets within you

opportunities is right in front of you..

stop and try looked around...

maybe you found out, actually

it is right in front of you

and as for me

things seems to be so close to me

but whenever i try to reach my hand to get it

found out that, it is actually so far away

there is still lot of things in my mind..

i used sleep to hypnosis myself from the world...

so

goodnight bloggies

still have to thanks you

for becoming my faithful listener..

i knew

i can see

everyone still remain the same

through chats, through observations, through my feelings

they are still like last time...

am i changing?

why they can still be the same, while i have to change?

is it i do not have the guts...

to show the ME to others..

the changes

the up and down

haih..

i really don't know what am i anymore

Kok Wai Yin sound so unfamiliar to me

i still searching...

or is this me?

what i want to say is,

everyone see him as a joke..

but for me,

whenever i see him..

i really really admire him on the way he live his life

everything that he do, catches my attention

most of it is stupid of course, but

i wonder, how he can have such a gut to show the REAL him in front of others..

how he can ignored what everyone said behind him

and continue to live by his way..

i think a lot

A LOT compare to last times..

maybe i am too free,

people keep on stabbing behind or in front each others as they live

is this the reason why they make friend with others?

what is the point of being a friends...

if, you hated the others..

you keep saying bad word bout others..

yes.. i admit.. i am a gossip girl.. a very poisonous mouth..

once i dislike a person.. straight away, your name is black and that's the end..

now... I'm trying to change myself

try to gossip lesser...

talk more about you and me perhaps?

from their eye sight..

i knew there are some spark will happen someday..

just wait and see..

from their smile

through their conversation

i knew I'm not belong to this stage...

i knew what I've done

and it is time for me to step out of the stage

its feel hurt if other push me from the stage

before I'm getting hurt,

i better done something, at least

it wont as pain as being push out

stage is belong to beautiful people like you...

and all of you deserved it..

realize that, i really hate being with the crowd

crowd making me so tiny which makes me feels so unsecured..

i knew a lot of things..

sometimes, there are things people need not tell out

i can felt it straight away what you want..

but isn't shutting your mouth up

will save you from trouble?

life is something which cant be erased

if i found an eraser of life

i will erase....................

i can feel the distance between me and the world

i just want to live in

Fairyland in Reality

(put me to sleep forever^^)

songs and pictures

ALBUM OF THE MONTH

is been kind of late update this old album that i currently listen to..

this three i choose out of so many other albums that i got..

it might not suit you..

but still i like some of it..
and the 1st album i would like to share is

KE$HA - Tik Tok

not very sure when it release..
but the song genre is quite same to Lady GaGa, try compare it and see..

for sure, each of them got their specialty

KE$HA vs Lady GaGa

1. Your Love Is My Drug
2. TiK ToK
3. Take It Off
4. Kiss N Tell
5. Stephen
6. Blah Blah Blah featuring 3OH!3
7. Hungover
8. Party At A Rich Dude’s House
9. Backstabber
10. Blind
11. Dinosaur
12. Dancing With Tears In My Eyes
13. Boots & Boys
14. Animal

2nd album

Rainie Yang - Rainie & Love ...?

杨丞琳 - 雨爱

i love this the most..

previous album of her, i did not listen much.. should say not very like it..

this album suit her best.. (in my opinion)

Tracklist
01 雨爱 (Rainie Love)
02 In Your Eyes
03 匿名的好友 (Anonymous Friend)
04 青春斗 (Youth Bucket)
05 调皮的爱神 (Naughty Cupid)
06 折叠式爱情 (Folding Love)
07 要我的命 (The life of me)
08 绝对达令 (Absolute Darling)
09 新流感 (New Influenza)
10 二度恋爱 (Second Love)


next, the last one

F.I.R. ▪ 讓我們一起微笑吧 (Let's Smile)

actually, i never heard this album before XP

yep once i remember,

the song is.. erm not as what i expected..

not so F.I.R

but i see lots of web are promoting this album heavily

then i guess, people sure like it?

i like the cover

Fairyland in Reality (sound nice^^)

01 Find My Way
02 I Am Here
03 向日葵盛開的夏天
04 紀念日
05 衝浪季節
06 紅潮
07 荊棘裡的花
08 讓我們一起微笑吧
09 貓頭鷹的夢
10 We Are...
11 Hero

********************************

ok.. that's all for the album promoting..

now.. pictures i randomly snap today

=]

my pencil case.. going to be 4 years old soon^^

went to see the barred list today..

everyone nightmare's list..

nobody hope to be listed

so do i

this one interesting..

UTAR really chained illegal park motor..

i saw this example today..

i even saw the owner got a shock when saw their precious being chained..

actually i got a feeling wanna park beside it,

until i saw the chain then only i change my mind

think before you park!!

BEWARE

Your vehicle is clamped.

Please contact Department of Safety & Security (DSS) at block C with proof of PAYMENT to unclamp your vehicle

this is just an opinion from an innocent students..

we paid for our parking,

we stayed late to register for ballot..

and yet,

school did not provide sufficient parking..

as today, not so many car parked at block B,

why don't you all give a chance to poor student like us?

hmmm..

end blogging with picture of the DAY

muahahahaha

thank you thank you^^

i hate

what the hell is on my mind!!??

i cant even understand..

i spend one whole days..

crying nonstop

tear drop without any reason...

i cant control it..

i cant..

i skip whole day classes..

to stayed at room and cry

i feel so damn useless..

i am so fucking useless..

my hand trembling..

my finger lost all the energy..

my mind is full of question and thought..

my eye in tear..

my whole body lost my souls

yesterday night were terrible..

i keep on thinking the best way to end up the clock clicking for me..

until i think of you

every time,

when I'm desperate,

i will think of you, the guilty within me..

making me feeling so damn fuck..

i am sorry, for not be able to control my anger and behavior when I'm with you

sorry for not behave well..

even when you send me to the bus station,

i just leave without saying goodbye..

not even look at you

not even talk to you even when you ask me question

i feel so damn guilty for doing so..

i hate myself...

i hate myself

i just hate it..

i hate that i just know to lock myself from the world and cry

i hate myself for not be able to face the mistake that i have done

i hate myself for not be able to say a sorry to you

i hate myself for treating you this way..

i hate myself for just knowing to blog it out and not do it out

i hate

till now,

i cant find the spirit to continue

i feel like I'm wasting your money

wasted your time for bringing me up

wasted your energy and effort you done to just make me standing here..

now only i realize that,

everything bout me shouldn't be share to some one..

is like a curse...

just like you, i think you have even erase me from your mind..

i don't know what happen...

maybe i freak you up?

i think, hating me is the best way..

but i still wanted to sms with you again..

i wanted to...

i wanted to have morning sms from you

i wanted to have forward sms from you

i wanted to hear joke from you

i wanted to listen to the story that you created for me

i wanted to quarrel with you again

i wanted to listen everything from you

i do...

i really do treat you as a friend of mine..

even we never meet before.. but it feels like we have known each other

i feel so damn sad when you ask me who am i

am i so easily being erased from your mind?

every time thinking of you,

i feel so damn sad..

lost a friend like you, making me scare that i will lost another friends again

because of you(maybe),

now

i just like to make everyone to hate me..

hate me more,

maybe if someday,

when I'm not standing on the ground,

people will not drop a tear..

i am a passer by, that pass by and leave no mark on your story..

another BANG

i think i can died on spot...

==

i should think of way to motivate myself...

i do hope,

i really hope that i own a courage

courage and gut to end this life...

craps..

Lied

this is all just a lied

i told myself..

new year, new life..

the bad things will go off soon...

but then, just when i going up little bit..

there will be sure something happen..

back to home,

argue with majority of my family members..

just because of my fucking behavior

back to here..

i try to forget everything back then

but people treating me like i am the bad people

ok i apologize for whatever that had happen

stop judging me

like you know me...

did you ever realize, i never talk things bout ME?

because the attention forever will not in ME

everything bout me

just me, is like being rejected away

you all judge Me as the ME in your mind..

not me

not at all...

I'm not begging for some one to pity me..

just leave me alone...

i try hard to bear it all before i came here..

try not to drop tear..

try not to be sad or show the fucking face in front of the other...

failed..

everything is just a lied

to just lied myself that this world is fucking 'beautiful' and 'colorful'

people at here..

forever the same..

maybe I'm the one who different from them..

forever they treated me in this way...

they will just drop the bad memory inside my mind

i cant search any good one that can make me smile

seeing all of them, laughing like a family..

i feel like I'm the outsider..

i am sorry that i am born such a fucktard

such a bitchie that bark all way out

like an insane farking girl

i am sorry for cant become the one you expected..

why you treated others so good,

and when it come to me..

it was like dropping from the heaven..

i have a fucking feeling too...

i did not mention does not mean i does not bother bout it..

environment causes me to keep my mouth shut..

even when i voice out..

my voice is like being blow away by the wind..

and you did not give a damn care bout it too..

you are making me one step away from you as day pass..

i am so fed up..

so fucking fed up..

so fucking tired

so fucking fuck off with the life i have..

university life sucks

my life is a sucks

everything sucks to the core..

i hide from home

i hide from the world

i hate myself

New Year! New Life! New Hair

before 1st of Jan 2010

upload this pic

the 1st picture in 2010~~!!

Happy New Year

sorry for did not update my blog..

it had been such a busy week for me...

i just finish two presentation in a row

for others..

it might not be the best of the best

but for me..

i think, our team have done The Best

thanks everyone for support...

2009..

the early year, were such a great moment..

until i celebrate my birthday..

the days went from up and down to the core

but sometime, the graph will up little bit...

overall...

i guess i am happy that i am still alive typing blog at here..

previous week, there really a thought of suicide..

life is terrible, horrible and blebleble..

hoho..

before i need to proceed to the brand new year of 2010~~

first of all

i need to apologize

to everyone

if i am too bossy

if i said something that accidentally hurt you

if i ignored you

if i do anything bad to you

and thank you

for accepting the change of mine

for be with me when i needed you

for hearing all my complaining

for still being my friend

for being a new friend of mine

for helping me when i really needed help

and just everything...

^^

yeah...

i need to congratz my friend

who found their new life

new love

and new friends..

(please don't forget me)

and for myself..

i just wish that..

i can be still alive till next year and on the very same day of today

writing a blog..

hahaha~~~

Happy New Year

thanks and keep support rejected

love you, love me

new year, new hairXD