I Used to....

this one is a lame post..

u can ignore this one if u dislike crap..

is been a year and plus several month i start studying outside..

although it not so far away but i miss my home (some time)

since i enter the whole new world of mine..

i spot something missing in me..

hell yeah~~

i forgotten how SS i am..

i forgotten that i used to love SS so much..

i forgotten how SS feel like...

and you know what?

one year,

and all those feeling to SS disappear..

those craps that i love to talk so much previously..

i feel so childish..

those joke i feel funny previously..

those joke that i love to laugh till tear drops before i even ask it..

those joke..

it make me feel dot dot dot..

i remember how i use to in love with msn so much

how i love to sms so much

i can entertain up to 9 people in chat box previously..

talking nonsense, talking crap, just chat whatever it is..

i use to empty my sms inbox up to 5 times in a day..

because the memory keep full..

NOW?

msn sign in for a day,

not even two box appear on my task bar...
my phone, not even a sms appear for one week or more...

and i even lazy to press the phone..

lazy to reply or forward a sms

i remember how i use to talk joke or crap with my friends..

i remember i use to laugh till tear drop whenever there is a gathering with bunch of friends..

NOW?

i feel tired..

sometimes i don't even feel like i want to talk or laugh..

those picture above..

if the previous me.. i sure will eliminate those fugly pose..

now i even lazy to do so..

i lazy to edit the picture..

i just throw it all and randomly sort it and put a font in it..

and that't it...

is it I'm turning older in my thinking or I'm old?

i try to implement all those feeling again..

i try talk joke again..(COLD)

i try to crap again (FAILED)

i try SS again(UGLY)

oh great.. i failed

=(

wah!

just only one year i already change like an auntie..

Face it

I do not really believe that how much you pour into something is equal to how much you gain..

but then,

when there is some one sad or emo~ing

i just cant help myself to said this kind of fake-encouraging statement to them..

is like creating a fake hope to them

people just love to hear something nice when they are down..

people just refuse to accept the truth..

they escape from the reality to beg some sympathy..

they try to grab some attention by being silent..

they want to avoid the fact that needed to be face because they don't want to face it alone..

they just hate to be alone...

[i mean me]

sorry...

i love to judge people base on me..

sometimes,

i just don't want to..

because i don't know how to..

and because you have more friends that care bout you more than me..

i have no power to voice out my opinion..

just hope that,

other people can wake you up..

to face the reality..

hope that,

you can change your attitude over everything..

to be a better one..

to chase away all the pain from you...

everyone is worrying about you..

they discuss about you every time you are not around..

dare not to discuss it to you,

cause you sure would not want to listen to it..

you don't want to accept the fact that you are sick..

some people just fed up looking on how you going to make thing even worst..

you so stubborn

thing is getting even worst..

really hope that you would make a step..

face the reality...

the process is tough..

but you still have us to support you..

we may not be able to understand your pain..

but we can help you to stand again when you fell..

we can bring laughter to you when you feel pain..

we are here..

=)

WorkHard?

Since i start to study at UTAR

i start to in love with DSLR camera..

wish to own this type of camera so so much..

i don't know why i want to own it..

maybe because of trend?

it can't be i love to take photo..

maybe i love to take picture..

but it is not till the stage to own this kind of professional camera to snap those picture..

friend tell me that it is not so wise to buy this type of camera at this time..

is kind of waste of money..

even my parent and my sibling said the same..

they advice me to buy a compact camera first instead of a DSLR camera..

they knew me..

they knew that i will be just passion with this kind of thing for a while..

and then i will throw away the DSLR camera..

==

plus.. no one will play this kind of camera together with me..

there are a friend who just bought a lomo camera(which is one of the cam i wan to buy)

seriously encourage me to buy..

purchasing this camera,

is one of the reason why i work so hard in every semester break..

even friend went to vacation and i wanted to go so much too..

i bare with it, just to achieve what i want to buy..

some friends, tell me..

just buy it when your loan come..

i don't want to because i want to buy this thing with my OWN money..

this time,

I'm truly jealous...

ENVY with a friend of mine..

I'm sorry to said that,

some people just need not have to work hard to own something..

parent pampered them so much and will just bought to them..

aaaaah..

maybe my parent will buy one for me too if i really ask for it..

REALLY mean it..

but..

in the end,

i still think that i should work hard to own something that i really love..

at least,

in future when i dump this thing away,

i wont feel sorry to anyone except myself..

the feeling of wanna buy a DSLR camera disappear slowly..

envy it when my friend and my brother can shake leg and do nothing during semester break..

some time i just don't understand what is the reason for me to work so hard...

work so hard but my family did not really support me to buy this kind of expensive thing..

but at this moment..

i really hope i can own it....

Glee

Glee is a drama..

musical drama...

is not cast by those girl who sang 'Gee Gee Gee~~ Baby Baby~~'

this drama did not catch my attention at first..

because there are no hot guy in it..

thanks to the great review by all of my friends..

i watch it~

officially in love with this drama so so so so much..

although the actors and the actresses did not look as great as Vampire Diaries..

but the story line is good~ maybe they talk bout conflict in school and it does reflect a bit with my life...

i love every episode of this drama,

the songs is beautiful and entertain..

I'm so envy with the actresses with those beautiful voices and the skills they have..

i envy that they have a teacher like this.. cool...

never bump with this kind of teacher in my life at all...

he does look great when he sing xP

OMG!!

the drama is addictive and the songs as well...

can't wait for season 2!!!

努力喜欢你的喜欢

我一直都很努力，

努力去喜欢你的喜欢..

你喜欢的，

我都懂..

我喜欢的，

你懂得多少？

就是因为你从来都没听，

从来都没问..

我喜欢的歌，

我喜欢的颜色，

我喜欢的一切，

你从来都不懂..

全都是你以为这是我喜欢的，

你就跟别人说这就是我要的，

这就是我..

现在的我，

对你来说，

只是你以为的我..

你们，

根本，

不了解..

最心疼的是，

你们，

永远都不会努力去喜欢我的喜欢..

现在的我们，

变了..

你发觉到吗？

只有你在说，

我一直都在听..

你有 听过我说的话吗？

你有 努力去听吗？

你有 在听吗？

我还是你的朋友吗？

='(

但是，

自私的我，

还是很希望很希望，

你会喜欢我的喜欢..

我还会努力的喜欢你的喜欢..

会一直的努力，

直到你看到我..

the saddest part of all is,

we no longer can be in the same conversation anymore..

you still cant realize the distance between me and you had became so far away..

i hate it!!

when there is no one that i can share what i like..

what i love!!

what i want!!

because no one even bother..

stuff that i like, usually no one like it..

i have the worst taste ever..

=..=

RELEASE!!

candle night

Yesterday went to Band Night organized by my school music club..

paid RM10 and keep yelling like insane..

is kind of worth..

enjoying music..

lots of handsome guy at there.. xD

feel so relieve when i yell out loud with no worries..

ah ah~

million of thank you to my friends who willing to go with me ^^

#####################

OK

one thing i hate becoming single is

people start to use me and making fun of me..

especially those who are already in a relationship..

most of them..

is it this is the way for you to boast that you have the one you loved and the other loved you back and bla bla bla to me~~

huh....

this is some of the reason why i hate to befriend with those people who are in a relationship..

sometimes, they talk like they did not know how to respect people..

i only be-friend with those people who respect who i am..

those people seriously need to be thought again how to communicate with people properly,

as most of the time they only know sweet talk with their loved one and abandoned others friends..

so don't whining in whatever facebook or msn that you don't have friend when you are in relationship..

think! how you treated your friends when you put yourself in full commitment during your relationship..

I'm not angry..

just feel very uncomfortable...

by the way,

I'm not mentioning all people..

I'm just attacking certain people who make me upset...

opps.. so you are upset huh?

do you think of my feeling when you making fun of me in front of so many people?

=..=

盧廣仲 - 四果冰

AAaah!!!

waited for so long for his album after his making his biggest debut in 七天

super exicted!!!

四果冰

this EP only have four songs...

love it so so so so much~~

^^

Track List:

01. To：
02. 蚊子
03. Nice to Meet You
04. 雪兒

love [Nice to Meet You] the most..

is like singing my university life..

蚊子 is suppose to be an annoying insects,

he can sing till so sentimental~~

very pek chek lyric.. very cute very cute songs~~~

"我说：du~ lu~lu~lu...

你说：嗯~~~~~ "

wahaha!!

great job Crowd~~~

Nice to Meet You

我就在淡水河的旁邊

我看著太陽慢慢不見

每次一到了這個時候

我還在回家的公車上面

就快要愛上了淡水

除了雨下不停的冬天

不管未來會在哪一邊

我還是會想念

不能忘記的有

大一開學的那天

還有 一起去過的海邊

你說 人生要瘋狂幾遍

我都懂

只是習慣比較早點睡

繞著操場一圈圈

時間過了一年又一年

我要忍著眼淚地說

很高興能認識你耶

我最親愛親愛的同學

我還在淡水河的旁邊

這裡的風景有些改變

但我還是沿著河邊走

才發現我們認識了多久

天知道我有多愛淡水

除了雨下不停的冬天

不管未來會在哪一邊

都還是會想念

不能忘記的有

遇見你的那一天

還有 熬夜到天亮的冒險

人生就是要瘋狂幾遍

我都懂

但是能不能健康一點

繞著操場一圈圈

時間過了一年又一年

我要忍著眼淚地說

很高興能認識你耶

我最親愛親愛的同學

不能忘記的有

大一開學的那天

還有 一起去過的海邊

你說 人生要瘋狂幾遍

我都懂

只是習慣比較早睡

繞著操場一圈圈

時間過了一年又一年

我要忍著眼淚地說

很高興能認識你耶

我最親愛親愛的同學

時間能不能永遠停在

這天

❤

Change

I know exactly who i am and what i want for myself..

i knew the changes on my behavior and personality for the every stage of my life..

it been quite tough for me to understand who i am..

there are lots of thing of me

either good or bad,

i want to change it..

even if i failed so..

i will try to minimize it,

so others will not use it to attack on me..

i am mentally weak..

i had a very low EQ..

i had to tell u this,

things that i treat this as joke,

i hope you really will..

i don't know why, each time i joke, you will take it differently from what I'M trying to express and then you personally attack me..

if you hate me fine~

why you wanna find me on the very first place?

i never mean to offence you once in my life..

you think this is some sort of joke to make fun of me in lots of people..

i don't think anyone find it funnier except you with your evil grin...

heck!

i cant hate you more because we are family!

and yet,

i don't think you ever treat me that I'm part of your family...

i cant said a thing because you have the 'supporter'

everyone have to respect you..

and you think you have the power to make fun of anyone..

even people who are older than you..

pathetic you that keep on whining why you have no friends..

you can treat your family like this..

i don't think you can treat your friend anywhere better..

not just you..

but everyone of you..

i have no power of doing anything..

everyone keep on teasing on me..

making fun of me..

things get worst when i grew older..

even the younger generation making fun of me..

no one ever put a slight respect toward me...

it hurt me deeply but i cant do a thing..

what people expect me to do?

change..

I've change a lot..

maybe i have interact with lot of people with different kind of personality..

there is a time when i went out hanging out with my new known friends..

i laugh hard! even the tear have drop out..

i miss this kind of feelings..

its been a very very long long time i never had a good laugh like this one..

i had change to someone who more matured and forget how to laugh?

i had move to a stage where i need to get serious?

maybe,

is been too long i never really interact with them,

maybe this kind of joke that we use to play with each other

but i had forget about it..

I'm easily upset with whatever thing that happen around me..

i should had think twice before i start to jump to the conclusion..

maybe i just should learn to shut up...

ya...

seriously need to shut up....

the reason why i wanna meet with lot of new people

is not i wanna become recognize by lots of people..

i just want to find more people that know nothing bout my previous and accept the way i am as FRIEND~

i want to find friend that can make me laugh till tear drops...

i want to find back the feeling~

i want to find things that i feel lost within myself...

=|

it will be a busy week for me..

with all those mid-term, practical test and assignment due..

but

i still don't have the spirit to work hard for it..

have no idea what is inside my mind..

when back home, watch drama till 4am,

sleep till 5pm the next day...

and the time is wasted just like that..

and i still feel very sleepy~

the sleep like never get enough~

=(

just now when to supermarket and search for part-time..

and found one..

working for around one week during Merdeka celebration..

still lazy wanna work for sem-break..

but we will see how later..

i still haven found the guts to talk bout things i wanna buy with my dad..

i spend a lot for this semester..

over the limit and budget..

i save nothing and keep on spending..

quite sad when i see my saving account number keep on decreasing,

but i just cant help myself to spend~~

xD

anyway..

good luck to everyone who are as busy as i am..

=(

i never blame anyone for anything..

even how upset i am toward you..

i swallow it hard and continue be your very best friends...

but

things goes different as time pass..

now,

i really feel so tired facing each of you..

tired of opening a conversation with you..

tired to look into your eyes..

just tired..

no matter how hard i try previously..

i look like an idiot who trying to disturb you daily routine..

friend ask me to talk out the problem out with you..

i dint dare,

because everything that upset me most seems to be my very own stupid selfish thought..

i tell myself every time to just bare it through for few more years..

it getting more and more difficult..

what making it so difficult is,

i show it so obviously, and you never even bother to correct yourself..

maybe my expectation toward ways of everyone to treat me is too over..

they are not my families members..

i cant force them to accept the way i want them to be..

=(

my father just shoot me down by saying:

why other people can do it, and you cant?

I'm weak,

I'm too choosy over everything...

sorry..

never had any good sleep at here,

each night i will just make myself very tired before i went up...

i will even wait each and everyone inside the house off light before i sleep..

really tired..

hate myself for making myself this tired just to get some rest..

i miss my bedroom so much....

when there is no people around me..

i become so tired till i don't wanna open my mouth..

my hand shiver when i try to lift up the cup to drink water..........

every night i feel myself like a vampire..

waiting the dark sky to turn brighter..

in the end,

i become too tired till i lazy wanna attend the classes..

The Greater the power you have,

The Greater the responsibility you have to carry it~

i love it when there is work for me to do..

but when the responsibility grow bigger and bigger..

I'm getting pissed with all those paper work all around the table..

the course structure for my subject is quite weird..

everyone start enjoying their end of semester and can start preparing for their final..

me and others classmate still have to face several more mid-term and practical test..

i hate assignment that divided into several part..

it seems like it never going to ends..

due to my 'capability'

i was chosen the best speaker in my class..

hurray?

not at all..

fuck it..

i have to do the presentation again...

i have to do it twice and the mark are divided equally..

Unfair!!!~

why is me???

still got other capable students..

==''

really pissed off with this assignment..

everything have to redo redo and redo..

small mistake, the lecturer straightly reject your work..

no question~

REDO or I FAILED U

which one will you choose then?

arghhh~!!

and i have to do it for the second time..

fuck!

cant express how upset i am now..

mid-term also is fucking me up!

the lecturer expect us to study but the notes are not even released yet..

one subject till now i don't even know what is the scope of the exam..

most of the subject, i don't even have the proper notes..

argh~!!!

i hate it~!!!

this two week will be busy..

week11:

one mid-term,

one presentation

week12:

two assignment,

two lab test,

two mid-term

(two pop quiz will be suddenly POP during these few days)

ah ah~

hope i can survive with these~~

with all this thing twisting my brain like span..

i need to find a time searching my part time job during sem break

or else i will be damn broke for the next semester..

plus the ptptn stuff is quite irritating..

the procedure is headache~ing..

hate it so much..

yet, i have to bear with it or else that's the end of the story...

when everyone in the house is sleeping,

here i am bragging bout my pathetic life that not even one will bother bout it...

cis!!

yes..

im going to cry soon with all this thing burdening me..

people around me not even helping me but just giving me ton of things to be settle off..

even when i said, can u help me out, they make those fucking-pussy-face and i just cant help it but just keep cursing inside my heart and done it my own

they does not helping me but keep on making noise when I'm trying to rest..

this is the people around me

and i really want to say THANK U for doing so to me..

fuck!

love the indieful music

Tired

have been feeling so tired this few days..

fell even more tired after back from vacation...

hate myself for bragging of tired everyday..

the sleep never get enough..

there is lot of things waiting for me to settle,

i wish there is someone there can help me out.. =(

the burden is getting even more heavier and heavier..

I'm okay to carried the burden,

but i just too tired to keep carry on..

i need energy~~

i need REST~

going home and a vacation for a small rest is a wrong decision..

each time I'm back,

i get nothing but even more tired to keep on carry all this burden to move on..

this time is more worst..

I'm tired to talk,

tired to think of anything..

I'm very very tired!!!!!!!!!!!

everyone is worrying about their loan application,

due to some problem..

more than 70% people who apply for government loan cant get it..

even me,

cant get it also..

it suppose to be a very upset news

and

i suppose to be very frustrating with it~

haih~ =(

i even tired of thinking of this thing..

tired of thinking what to do next..

tired to make my move to make things right..

i know my parent will be damn sad and searching solution to solve this problem if i really unable to get the loan..

there is even 25% chances that i will choose to leave the school..

argh~!!

damn it!!!!

feel my hand shivering for no reason..

less energy remain in my bodies..

cant even have the momentum to do anythings.

lifting up a thing make me feel even more tired..

im getting older

==

tired to move on..

i am really tired..

Time's Up

最近，

变得很懒散..

变得很骄傲..

都是身边的人害我的..

每次都说我很厉害很厉害，

再加上我本人，

其实也满爱爱一下的咯~

还真的以为自己很厉害，

有很多事情都把它看得很简单..

害得我现在，

变回过去了的我，什么都不理不睬..

等到最后一秒才来开始怕..

#############

最近，

每天都觉得很累，

每天都不够睡..

我真的真的累了..

每天都觉得很累..

难道，

老了？

啊啊~

开始有点点怕了..

不再管别人在怎样看好我，

我必须认真起来面对着未来的三年..

真的没时间了，

很怕这次会考得很差，

很怕考不到我想要的分数..

我不需要七天，

在给我玩多两天，

就两天！！

金马伦~

我来咯~~

嘻嘻^^

怎么开始忘了

nice album to share

this is really a good album..

i love it so so so so so so so much~

you just have to listen to his songs, and you will agree with me..

love almost all of the track of this album~~~

cant get my ear off from his music once i start listening to him..

Loved Track：怎么开始忘了

Genre：Pop

Release Date：2010.03.14

Track List：

01. Intro
02. 别人的情歌比我好听
03. 怎麽开始忘了
04. 那些幸福的眼泪呢
05. 好朋友的定义
06. 催泪情歌
07. 事情总是并非如此
08. 桃花源
09. 老是忘了吃药
10. 不成功的谎话
11. 放晴
12. 深奥的幸福
13. 失忆

try listen to the song with yellow color~!! ^^

the one with red~ i love the opening..

this song making me feel so miss jay chou movie "The Secret"

but actually every song is so nice~

love it..

^^

listen it ya...

张芸京友和他合作唱歌噢~

好好听~

=/

people said,

all you need is just ask and people will come to you..

but when this come to me..

no matter how hard i ask..

there are just people would not want to come near me...

no matter how hard i try..

everything they gave me is just a dead sentences..

i try hard to create a lively conversation with you..

but each of you keep give me those dead answer which i hate it most..

anything la

whatever

o

OK

when i pissed off..

i try to use back this word back to you..

result were quite obvious that you are pissed off..

and you show your pissed-off-look right on spot to me..

oh great..

today i had make some one upset with me again..

i cant even control myself for not doing that..

i did not mean to hurt anyone..

i just wanna show back that the word you use daily to me..

is basically hurting me..

so you can get hurt with the word you use to hurt me, and I'm not?

i did not said a thing because i don't wanna continue argue with you..

plus,

if anything when wrong..

people will just point to me..

ya la.. you mess up with waiyin.. the most aggressive one..

but when you mess with me..

what can i said?

people just never bother...

and the way you treating me is just far so different compare to other..

when i complain, people will think that I'm trying to play manipulated mind,

so that everyone will hate each others..

most of the cases i just keep quiet and bare through it..

but people tend to step it even higher on my head..

when i try to be good to others, you will try to be even more good than i am...

so that people will acknowledge you..

no matter how hard i try,

i keep lose to you...

maybe i just don't have social skills like you...

when i ask why, you ask me to shut up and just give an answer..

okay fine..

why you wanna ask so many why on me back??

i started to hate those friendship or any bonding..

watching the bonding that the anime character keep saying all the time for every episode sound kinds of craps..

when people choose to abandon you, that is..

they will never look back to you anymore...

no matter how hard i beg..

sometimes, 10 sentences i said cant be compare to an 'OK' that he/she reply...

this is some of the reason why i hate to talk to some of the people around me anymore..

i think they not even bother of it..

yes I'm quite happy seeing everyone in silent..

I'm happy when you wanna talk to me,

you need another medium to do so...

you need a person to accompany you so that you have the GUTS to talk to me..

I'm happy with all this mess I'm created..

if becoming meaner if what everyone expected I'm going to be..

than i will be more mean than what i am now.....