I'm not deserve

i feel regretted with everything that i wrote for the final
everything that I've explain for each paper that cost around RM500++
I've done not good enough
study not enough

other people is struggling their way out
and I'm digging and hiding at the corner all over the time
just because i lack of confidence to face them
to face everything

I'm not the good of the good
i maybe is the worst of the worst
every time when i started to wander..
i will keep think of the reason for me to exist at this world..
i feel that my life is empty and i cant find a motive or aim for me to continue live on..

live is like..
study
get a good job
if you lucky enough, get married
and spend all your whole life earning money to be keep on living..
what can i say.. boring???
maybe..
my life is boring, that is what i can say..
even online..
i don't seems good at it..
I'm not good at everything
im not good
just not good enough
good enough to find a reason
a passion maybe?

there are lots of thing i wanna learn
just because I'm not good at everything
the only thing that i can do is admire and see..
there are lots of thing i want to wear
just because of my appearance and critic of people..
the only thing that i can do is to admire and see..

what for wanna care for other people opinion bout you?
i don't know
i just care
thanks to you maybe
for keep critic on me
my confidence all flew away

why i like SS?
it is just a way for me to gain some confidence..
but still keep being tease by other
still rejected
the way i act and the way i talked..
is it too hard to be accepted?

because of them..
i learn to think twice
think deep
think hard..
before i start any conversation
before i reply any thing
just in case..
you are not satisfied again...

maybe i think a lot..
but part of the reason i became like this
maybe you had part of the responsibility?


but there are still have people around me
boosting a little bit of my confidence..
although it is not a lot
but i feel important whenever I'm with them
and whenever I'm with you?
i think i even worst than a rubbish or even a shit
you make me feel that I'm nothing but just a shit
incomparable between us..
you are the heaven and I'm the pool of shit
that's why people pay attention to you

forever you are the attention statement..
and I'm just a supporting material for a supporting material..
or a dust?
unseen and cant be felt the presence..

i learn a lot this 3 month..
learning from experience..
from the way people treat people at here
and appearance is what i know is important at here..
some people only make friend with the good looking one...
i think not some.. is most of the new people i met here..
I'm easily get jealous..
so the best way for me to stay away from this evil thought is to stay away from everything
stay away from all my friends, my classmates, my housemates..
just everything as far as possible
I'm accepting the fact that I'm not important..
my disappearing won't leave any effect..
even if i try to leave one..
i don't think people will save it..


OK crap a lot unnecessary thing..
that's all..
sorry if what i said is differ from what you thought
because this is what i thought of the people at my school now
erm.. i think is the whole world.. not only the school...
=]
(you really leave a great impact on the way i see people)
[I'm not deserve]