Friends?

sometimes i don't really know what i done so far is consider what a good friend should do or not..

i think i did not good enough..

but sorry i have to say this though I'm not really a good people also..

is been awhile,

i don't understand why you have to treat a friend like this..

are we consider being as a friend?

maybe the definition of friend by everyone is different.

but in my opinion, my point of view

what you all did is too over already..

you only treat those special one, really special friends

i know you dislike me from the start..

but being a friend,

and you need others to beg you to did something that most of the time we spend time doing it together,

everyday spending that little moment together..

it already should be a habit already,

but you still need other beg you for it..

it sound like i need to beg you,

kneel down for you

just to be one of your friends.

you talk to me when you like,

you ignore me most of the time,

i need to push myself over for you most of the time..

i don't really know this is friend or not..

maybe you really hate me so much..

i don't know? but it really pissed me sometimes..

well,

i still envy you,

despite of what you had done to everyone,

everyone still love you..

this is the power you owned!

by the way,

this is not about me,

I'm just write it out based on how my friend treat my other friend..

___________________________________________

another story,

as friend,

do we really need to count in every single things?

what i done, you need to return it in future..

i ask for your help, because you also need my help..

this kind of feeling..

it make me feel like we are just using each others...

i really scare being friend with you..

i don't know, it feel weird..

even talk to you, i need to be very careful..

you count every single thing so well..

every time i finish talked to you,

i will re-think it..

yeah, i know i done and said something that pissed that people again..

i wanted to say sorry, but in the end i don't..

why? because i forgot bout it,

plus, not really bump with them most of the time~

the moment we saw each other again,

i think that feeling of pissed already gone?

maybe bunch of friends i mixing with now is treating me really really good!!!

extremely good!

fetch me everywhere to play

*i not even treat them eat or paid for the petrol money*

sometimes treat me eat and drinks..

out with me anytime and anywhere!

though they did not listen to my stuff all of the time,

but i don't care...

at least got people i can talk crap with xD

i feel good being with them,

friends that don't count every single thing..

friends that i wont feel paiseh to ask help..

i ask help most of the time,

if i never ask for your help,

that mean you are the one being mention?

hahaha~

i don't know..

think about it...

maybe i requesting too much for a friends..

xP

sorry if i hurt you~

oh by the way,

one more theory i learn

because i hurt most people with this..

when treating another friends good,

don't tell your other friends..

they will be very upset =(

example?

i treated my friend mcD the other day,

i don't know why i will mention it in front of my other friends...

and they were so upset ...

aiyo~ i say i treat u, u duwan jek.. xD

talk till the end,

am i your friend??

T^T

don't hate me..

i like all my friend!

ME = Lansi??

I very arrogant?

i very snobbish?

I very Lanci?

previously i may~

but is not that i put my pride high~

is because i afraid people would not want to recognize me as friend..

i live in shameful live =(

lol

this is so over-crapped..

but this is what i think of myself..

sometimes,

i don't even think i deserve being friend with you..

i will always thought that i may not be that good,

you will feel ashamed to have me as friend...

sigh~

maybe the friend circle i have previously is too small..

my friend protected me well..

i afraid of being hurt..

i afraid people may not want to wave back or smile back when i smile or wave to them..

too many thing that i afraid..

i try to change now..

now i am slightly better..

i am little bit brave when I'm with friend,

i feel confident to do so if there is friends beside me..

(still sound like loser ==)

but people just don't want to look at me..

i don't know why..

the same friend i had met for two years plus plus or even more

they just don't wanna look at me..

is it i change too much that they cant recognize me..

sad

my problem?

my fault for not just go and say hi to them?

my face problem?

i born with arrogant and fierce face?

i am not friendly in reality?

people dislike me?

i cant open a conversation well?

I'm not a good talker?

things that i talked boring?

i too boring?

i am not attractive enough to be listed in your friend list?

i look like a nerd-IT~ians?

T^T

that people added many people, but not me..

i hesitate many many many times,

thinking wanted to add or not..

in the end, i end up not adding anyone..

for me, i afraid the people feels like i add them because i need to use them or what..

plus,

i added one guy i liked previously~

and till now, i talk nothing or anything with him..

keep saw his update and i still don't dare to comment!

because i afraid again!

afraid people would not reply!

he even take 3 weeks plus to approve me previously..

make me feel no chance at all and I'm totally stab-my heart-to-death..

and of course,

he do live perfectly in imagination =)

maybe not knowing you is the best, you can stayed perfect in my mind forever till i forget you someday...

maybe the reason of everything i have is..

i expected too much..

i think too much..

watch too much drama and i relate it too my real life,

and

and

and

i actually very good one

=)

I'm not a mean people..

can you just comment one time?

just one time!

and keep replying~

we can be best friend =D

can you add me~

I'm happy to see that you added me =D

*bright light* [ada chance ni xD]

someone save me from the imagination world

=(

I want a break and yet don't wanna feel damn free with nothing to do..

goshie~

too many thing done this semester..

feels like haven really got a day i can rest well

i mean like a day doing nothing

a day of boredom where you wish you have something to do...

time is packed

and sleep time reduced

i wanted to train myself to be a sleep lesser..

i succeeded at night, but i sleep at morning..

so its the same

==

today morning,

i was scared by myself when i looked at the mirror..

my eyes turn blackie..

so is that the well known legend black circle??

=.=

it looks like i gave someone punch left and right of my eyes..

ouch!

several weeks more final going to start..

yeah~

i study nothing and i learn nothing..

GG~

i need to consult my classmate..

ask them to be my tuition teacher

i am noob!

just a short update and i want to sleep with my beloved pillows and boosters

kekeke..

home sweet home

=)

I am Fierce

I've been trying to be good to others..

but whenever others saying something or praising of my attitude..

there i goes,

i started to became arrogant and acted like a bitch..

oh damn me..

plus,

if someone annoyed me for a period of time with his or her acting,

i will started to hate everything of that human..

no matter what that human said or do,

my brain will choose not to listen or see..

i will even scolded that human if they done something wrong or thing that i thought is wrong

or maybe i just want to scold them.. xD

yes..

i am a badass..

i am a jerk

i am a bitch..

damn me again,

sorry..

i will try to control my bitchies attitude..

long long long post

this gonna be a long post to summarize everything that happen this past few weeks,

why i was so emo with short post~

if you had follow my blog..

well,

main reason is because of busy and tired plus a serious home sick..

really busy with everything,

time flies, and after chinese new year, is already week 9~

5 more week i will be sitting for my final exam..

gosh~ seems like i study nothing for this semester..

today went to a seminar,

i wasn't willing to go, thanks to an assignment who required the student to attend at least a soft skills talks..

now i learned something,

get a slightly motivated,

and earned soft skill points..

i was now being shown a light to the path I'm going to go in future i guess..

something that totally wont be related to what I'm studying now..

in order to achieving it,

start from next next week [sorry, i still wanna procrastinate to rest]

I'm gonna start working hard..

try to control myself not to open my laptop..

i have now successfully control myself from not logging in and crap in msn..

i have also successfully control myself not to facebook so often like what i did previously [atleast a little bit]

now i just need to control myself from blogging and too into the k-culture [IMPOSSIBLE!!! xP]

but what happen last few days is...

just too tired,

and everything seems pissed me..

when i get tired or stress, i just need to hibernate..

but~

I'm busy till no time to sleep!

that why,

I'm easily irritates by small things..

now I'm just done with midterm..

not to say the result..

totally sucks!

result of last minute study and not attending classes..

I'm sorry, i regret now..

that's why two more week i need to shut myself from Internet world..

recently the weather seems moody~

make me moody to go to school too~

why started raining season at the time i need to work hard for exam

=(

make me feel sleepy all the time...

some more the rain seems like love me so much,

whenever i was planning to go out,

it start to rain..

dinner,

school

and assignment have to be postpone..

yesterday were a good day,

been helped by bunch of friends during exam^^

when you get too much, you will lost something,

and that might be the reason why my tyre punctured..

but thanks to friends again for borrowing me money..

thanks to friends who send me warm messages^^

though it was rain, and i need to ride slowly without raincoat like an idiot..

i feel warm~~~~~~

and that moment start,

i realize that there is actually lots of people who paid attention to me,

they help me,

they greet me,

they respect me LOL..

few weeks never back,

thanks to friends again for curing my homesick sometimes^^

thanks to them who willing to out for drinks, crap with me, dinner with me~

i kinda love this feeling,

though i love my home very much,

i try to hold myself to stayed..

two more year,

i need to accumulate more and more memories at here...

all these busy and stressful life would be a memorable memories..

and i still enjoy staying up late till the morning...

thanks friendssssss...

I'm so grateful to meet you all in my life^^

let us together work our very best and graduate~

fight fight!!

hmm.. now only i realize, this post is not very long also xD

thanks for dropping by...

this is me...

always burst to anger when there someone goes different from what i want..

i wish i can control it..

im such a jerk...

no wonder people leaving me one by one

at first,

it's really hard

suffer minor self depression for at least three days i guess..

trying to search for a darker corner to hide..

after deep thought every single night,

i guess..

things should be work fine,

don't worry so much waiyin

i want to talk so much

please listen to my heart

World of Critics

Once you walk out from your room~

you entered the world of Critics..

i really really admire those who can live alone, be independent and ignore all those criticizer

and just be who they are..

i just cant be the way i wanted anymore..

critics really affect me very very much..

i can think bout the critics almost everyday till i really improved or what..

just like previously when my uncle critics on my spectacle looks like auntie,

every time i go out with him,

i will not wear spectacle anymore..

it sound like I'm someone who acted to be what others want me to be..

yes i am..

till now, i can conclude people at here accept the one of me who looks cool, sleepy and arrogant..

maybe i should just live in that way...

or maybe i should just learn to accept critics,

and learn ways to rejects other critics..

********

that is the reason why i don't wanna tell others what actually on my mind and how i feel..

i am now super super afraid..

whenever I'm with the one,

i feel insecure as if that one will see through me..

or tell others...

i really really tired thinking lots of things..

i cant stop my mind from thinking those thing..

there many time i nearly burst into tears..

i keep control it,

because of what others people think of me again..

'strong' people like me shouldn't shed tears..

lock the door,

and just be who am i inside my little room

***********

one problem i wanna get rid is cough..

previously i love to cough..

this is the 1st time i ever get such serious cough..

i woke up to cough every middle of the night..

cough till vomit..

not really vomit, i swallow it back =.=

guess that i really should buy some medicine or consult a doctor if worst..

less talking to control cough..

i really really down..

i wanna go to home

hugs all my pillow... T-T

i want to sleep

pressure at here too high..

though din't have anything to do,

i rather spend two more hour awake till 4am+ and get to bed..

sleep longer make me feel guilty..

one day sleep already making me feeling so guilty =(

sigh..

T_T