i change a little bit of myself..

frankly it did boost a little of my confident for a little while,

then i realize everything still the same,

i am still me..

Orz

i can't change the true-self me...

by the way,

a friend of mine once posted,

at the end, size do matter..

not only size matter, the way you look, the personality..

the world is cruel with criticizer with their non stop critic without even mirror themselves 1st before start comment or comparing others..

well i am one of those, but i guess my mouth still filtered 50% :P

the point of im blogging here today is,

im turning old..

i really hate celebration...

what is the point celebrating birthday, wasting your money for someone like me?

someone like me who never really help out a lot as a friend..

maybe i scare to get old..

scare to get old while all my wishes still left undone..

unrealistic me think of lots of wishes that will never come true..

and still, i do hope it will someday..

someday, that person will realize it, and said

Happy Birthday to me^^

I'm waiting

something is bothering me recently

i don't know how to explain it..

the feeling came to me again..

where i wanna shut myself from outside with only music accompany with everything..

sorry,

i may have been very aggressive recently,

i cant find the good EQ me anymore..

i try to force myself to entertain myself to laugh more..

sometime, it just don't work,

i'll back becoming more aggressive and won't talk or start teasing everything that other try to tell me..

what the hell is wrong with me?

i knew my problem and yet i cant control myself

Sometimes it feels like nobody gets me

Trapped in a world where everyone hates me

There's so much that I'm going through

I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you

I was broken, I was choking

I was lost

This song saved my life

I was bleeding

Stopped believing

Could have died

This song saved my life

I was down, I was drowning

But it came on just in time

This song saved my life

Sometimes I feel like you've known me forever

You always know how to make me feel better

You're my escape when I'm stuck

In this small town, I turn you up

Whenever I feel down,

You let me know like no one else

That it's ok be myself

That it's ok to be alone

-this song saved my life-

i start to stalk again =='''

i never add them, never talk to them, never stand in front of them..

was i waiting?

i start to stalk again..

imagine their life without really be close friend with them..

i start to stalk again..

because i wanted to know more secretly about you..

i start to stalk again..

i am afraid if one day, some changes of you will make me down again...

but i still stalk :P

previously keep appearing online till the day they will talk to me....

but none of them did..

keep posting stuff to let them know who i am..

i guess no one notice..

people around me making me to have a perception that,

human only talk with pretty and beautiful human,

or those rich and 'usable' human..

those who can be helpful to them..

i don't have those criteria..

that's why i never talk much with those newly meet friends..

or maybe that why people don't want to talk to me?

base on my observation toward my friends and other people,

most of the time it do prove my 'hypothesis'

the way they treat different people differently..

:/

well,

i don't even talk much with my friends..

i only start to talk to them when they find me..

is not that i am arrogant or what

is because

till now i still think that i don't have the qualification to bother them for 5min or more to chat with me..

sometime, when i need help the most, many people pop out in my mind,

but........

still, i think i don't have the requirement to ask..

qualification? i wonder what is my qualification for me to you?

i failed miserably as a human.. Orz

posting this kind of stuff out making me felt so greedy

i want so much yet i did not put so much effort in it..

but if i really did, will you notice?

no one will..

because of who i am...

U never knew what is the true busy

U never knew how it is to work with bunch of people that pissed and argue with each other..

The world is big,

there is many more people who suffer this more than you..

stop complaining waiyin and just swallow it up..

:)

stop compare your life with other..

Listen and don't shoot back..

Learn to accept

Learn to listen

Learn to be more understanding..

you are busy, so do others....

why people can handle it and still i go and complain non stop :(

take a deep breath and cool down...

phew..

okay~ time for assignment

T.T

im under stressed..

stomach in pain since yesterday..

i wont make myself in hunger again

Orz

got time to complain at blog, why don't spend time at reality?

i know not everyone will stay forever by my side..

but, selfish me still wish everyone will always by my side till the end..

start from Form5,

people leaving me.. i started everything again in Form6

then Foundation, then Degree..

lots of people leaving and pursue their life independently, starting their new life again in somewhere around the world..

i wonder, do they will still remember me?

i afraid they will forget me..

i afraid they will forget me one day when i say hi to them..

slowly, one by one..

friend that i love, leaving one by one..

TT

i still cant adapt to the new life without those who leave here..

i miss them..

i will truly miss them..

whenever you are..

whatever you are doing..

take care..

i will pray for your safely and luck..

TT