disappointed

yesterday was the end of everything..
not to mean everything.. at least everything for the 3 month i suffering..
i wish to change it all next semester..
it is been a 'great' experience..
thanks anyway

it is always been like this..
my feeling
my thing
everything about me,
will be put at the last..
and everything bout him.. you all concern it the most!!
this had been i don't know the how many time..
no one willing to fetch me home from bus station..
I'm waiting like an idiot in front of the supermarket..
the sun is burning my skin..
i sit at there and wait..
I'm thinking of walking back home at that moment
i think it is faster than waited at there more than half an hour..
if the person is him..
less than 5 min, you all will go and pick him..

i am so tired and sleepy..
i sleep a total of 16 hours after i came home..
i think you don't know I'm home and sleeping in room either..

there are reason for everything i done..
they doesn't seems to concern, so i act differently for them to realize bout me..
but they said I'm so arrogant.. so i changed again..
they did the same to me.. only you, they concern in the whole family i guess..
what should i do to get their attention??
i get blame for everything i did... whatever thing i done cant satisfy all of you..


my laptop is worrying me..
a friend tell me to ask the person as he is pro in this field..
so i asked...
but no answer.. guess he was busy..
every time it is going to be like this...
the reason i don't want to find people is..
i scare of being rejected..
and yet..
people keep on rejected me...
even he wouldn't want to help me either
i guess..
i have to do this alone again...

i used to wait people to find me..
because i scare be ignore..
i scare people will say I'm so irritating
so i wait and wait and wait
no one know..
that i scare alone..
but yet.. they still throw me to the hole..
let me learn to be independent?
I'll try

feel like wanna cry out!! but bare it all with a laugh on my face..
swear wont cry in front of other again..
because in every one mind..
I'm not suit to become that type of people..
all because i acted like a boy???

people treat people differently......
i know why,
im not worth..
im not
that the end of the story..


我该怎么做？别人才能发现我的存在。
我该怎么做？别人才能发现我的痛。
我该怎么做？别人才懂得爱我？
我该怎么做？

做你多么得好，你都有一斑很好的朋友。。
你到了什么地方，都会找到很多很好的朋友。。
真的很羡慕你。。
每次你有心事，我都很努力的想办法帮你。
但我的时候？发现，没有一个愿意留下听。。
每个人都有烦恼，但我的烦恼就不是烦恼？
不要再一直说我在这里是多么多么的好。。
应为你根本都不懂。。
每次叫我说出来，但我的每一次，你都有听的吗？

我真的很想告诉你，我一点都不开心，一点都不快乐
说到最后，你的事，都比我的重要。。

上网，找不到一个可以聊的。。
回到家，比较喜欢呆在房里。。
出去？要去哪里？
看来，我真的要学会一个人生活
永远。。。