thought of rejected

Suddenly my mind is so blank...
I am sitting alone at the living room..
waiting my mind to make a first move to study..

Just now at school,
I had thought a lot of things..
I wanted to blog it out, but part of it
I had forgotten..

after that day,
I had a deep think of myself..
I really hate myself for being me...
what contribution that I had make since I live for 19years?
what is the meaning for me to keep leaving here?
I still can’t find a path that lead me to my future..
maybe the path I'm standing right now will lead me to it..
but I still very blur bout it..
did I make the right decision?

life is full of regrets..
and I don't want to live with it..
just like choosing the time table..

I did wanted to do something different..
maybe alone again..
but i realize I cant..
I need to consider bout them also..
and them.....

little kids are really little kids..
really don't understand what is really on their mind..
I'm too complicated to understand your simple
or
the other hand?
generation gap?

I wanted to tell that person so much!!
wanted to tell that person how I feel..
what I want
but.....
this is only what I want,
and what I want doesn't mean other have to accompany me for doing the risk...
hmmm.. what should i do then?

i wanted to go home..
i can’t wait for the end of this friday..
although there are still a lot of thing have not settle yet..
but i seems so 'relax'?

they really scare me..
they really change my perspective of judging other..
is it all the people are same like them?
this wonder on my mind whenever i with them..
I wanted to ask this question so much
but it seems so weird for me to do so..
is this a kind of communicate skills?
weird weird..
why my friends did not act or sound like you then?

I missed the count..
I forget how many time you stopped me from saying something
and you keep on bla bla bla...
no manner?
maybe I am..
because I'm stabbing behind you instead of saying in front of you..


sorry
because I'm a jerk..
XP


I saw them
making me o.0
is that really that fun?
how come so many people came?
because of her?
appearance is really important then..
that's why..
here is so........

I need a people to be with me right now..
so many thing i had kept in my heart..
I need a break...
there is a lot of conflict...
silent war....

dear friends,
if you see me silently, acting so different from the past..
i tell you why,
because at here.....
being good will just let other making use of you
being bad, people love you more..
==
if you are handsome/pretty or rich..
people will approach you automatically
you are born and looked like a dumb ass like me..
errr...
this is the way people judge people at here..
I’m losing a lot of confident since i came here..
there are time,
I even did not dare look eye on eye when talking to someone..
I think twice before i talk now..
i 'errr...' so long before i start mine conversation..
just in case i won’t say something stupid like i used to be back then...

phew..
can’t believe I typed so long..
actually I still want to continued it..
but blogging while the pile of unread note is in front of me making me feel so guilty..



there are some sentences,
you might think you are in that sentence, actually you are not
because you are in the sentence you think you are not in it..
understand??
if you think you are while your not..
sorry then
this is my blog..
i write what i want