what a day

seems like everything is not bad at all...
i guess today will be the most happiest day i had for the past two month
my family and i are doing great
friends are just fine.........

im bad?
realize that the way u looked and talk to me is full of anger?
pointed out my mistake......
looking down at me???

if im not going out today...
i guess i will be sleeping..
should i thanks her?

i miss my cubic so much..
i cant live one day without touching you
facebook rubic is so ridiculous
i cant see and feel it..

now only i know that love is so simple...
haha~~


after talking to you
i really realize that im a nerd...
i have not speciality in any thing
i am boring
their relationship is so good!!
kind of jealous with them..
but nerd suit me better...


i want to play so many thing
i want to do so many thing
my laptop is killing all my feeling now..
facing you making my heart feel so pain
for remembering the stupid thing that i had done..
blame no other but me




[edit at 4.46am 30/8/09]
ahh.. feel so good to be alone and silent facing my laptop and playing my brother cubic..
i wanted to chat with people...
but the night is too late for them..
everyone is fast asleep
so i went to
omegle.com chatted with unknown..
kind of addicted to this activities..
at least at there
people wouldn't reject me
i can fake myself out~~
wahaha~~~
and now...
i've done all the stupid thing alone at here..
shit..
i forgotten to check my timetable..
nevermind..
i prograstinate again.
haha!!

disappointed

yesterday was the end of everything..
not to mean everything.. at least everything for the 3 month i suffering..
i wish to change it all next semester..
it is been a 'great' experience..
thanks anyway

it is always been like this..
my feeling
my thing
everything about me,
will be put at the last..
and everything bout him.. you all concern it the most!!
this had been i don't know the how many time..
no one willing to fetch me home from bus station..
I'm waiting like an idiot in front of the supermarket..
the sun is burning my skin..
i sit at there and wait..
I'm thinking of walking back home at that moment
i think it is faster than waited at there more than half an hour..
if the person is him..
less than 5 min, you all will go and pick him..

i am so tired and sleepy..
i sleep a total of 16 hours after i came home..
i think you don't know I'm home and sleeping in room either..

there are reason for everything i done..
they doesn't seems to concern, so i act differently for them to realize bout me..
but they said I'm so arrogant.. so i changed again..
they did the same to me.. only you, they concern in the whole family i guess..
what should i do to get their attention??
i get blame for everything i did... whatever thing i done cant satisfy all of you..


my laptop is worrying me..
a friend tell me to ask the person as he is pro in this field..
so i asked...
but no answer.. guess he was busy..
every time it is going to be like this...
the reason i don't want to find people is..
i scare of being rejected..
and yet..
people keep on rejected me...
even he wouldn't want to help me either
i guess..
i have to do this alone again...

i used to wait people to find me..
because i scare be ignore..
i scare people will say I'm so irritating
so i wait and wait and wait
no one know..
that i scare alone..
but yet.. they still throw me to the hole..
let me learn to be independent?
I'll try

feel like wanna cry out!! but bare it all with a laugh on my face..
swear wont cry in front of other again..
because in every one mind..
I'm not suit to become that type of people..
all because i acted like a boy???

people treat people differently......
i know why,
im not worth..
im not
that the end of the story..


我该怎么做？别人才能发现我的存在。
我该怎么做？别人才能发现我的痛。
我该怎么做？别人才懂得爱我？
我该怎么做？

做你多么得好，你都有一斑很好的朋友。。
你到了什么地方，都会找到很多很好的朋友。。
真的很羡慕你。。
每次你有心事，我都很努力的想办法帮你。
但我的时候？发现，没有一个愿意留下听。。
每个人都有烦恼，但我的烦恼就不是烦恼？
不要再一直说我在这里是多么多么的好。。
应为你根本都不懂。。
每次叫我说出来，但我的每一次，你都有听的吗？

我真的很想告诉你，我一点都不开心，一点都不快乐
说到最后，你的事，都比我的重要。。

上网，找不到一个可以聊的。。
回到家，比较喜欢呆在房里。。
出去？要去哪里？
看来，我真的要学会一个人生活
永远。。。

thought of rejected

Suddenly my mind is so blank...
I am sitting alone at the living room..
waiting my mind to make a first move to study..

Just now at school,
I had thought a lot of things..
I wanted to blog it out, but part of it
I had forgotten..

after that day,
I had a deep think of myself..
I really hate myself for being me...
what contribution that I had make since I live for 19years?
what is the meaning for me to keep leaving here?
I still can’t find a path that lead me to my future..
maybe the path I'm standing right now will lead me to it..
but I still very blur bout it..
did I make the right decision?

life is full of regrets..
and I don't want to live with it..
just like choosing the time table..

I did wanted to do something different..
maybe alone again..
but i realize I cant..
I need to consider bout them also..
and them.....

little kids are really little kids..
really don't understand what is really on their mind..
I'm too complicated to understand your simple
or
the other hand?
generation gap?

I wanted to tell that person so much!!
wanted to tell that person how I feel..
what I want
but.....
this is only what I want,
and what I want doesn't mean other have to accompany me for doing the risk...
hmmm.. what should i do then?

i wanted to go home..
i can’t wait for the end of this friday..
although there are still a lot of thing have not settle yet..
but i seems so 'relax'?

they really scare me..
they really change my perspective of judging other..
is it all the people are same like them?
this wonder on my mind whenever i with them..
I wanted to ask this question so much
but it seems so weird for me to do so..
is this a kind of communicate skills?
weird weird..
why my friends did not act or sound like you then?

I missed the count..
I forget how many time you stopped me from saying something
and you keep on bla bla bla...
no manner?
maybe I am..
because I'm stabbing behind you instead of saying in front of you..


sorry
because I'm a jerk..
XP


I saw them
making me o.0
is that really that fun?
how come so many people came?
because of her?
appearance is really important then..
that's why..
here is so........

I need a people to be with me right now..
so many thing i had kept in my heart..
I need a break...
there is a lot of conflict...
silent war....

dear friends,
if you see me silently, acting so different from the past..
i tell you why,
because at here.....
being good will just let other making use of you
being bad, people love you more..
==
if you are handsome/pretty or rich..
people will approach you automatically
you are born and looked like a dumb ass like me..
errr...
this is the way people judge people at here..
I’m losing a lot of confident since i came here..
there are time,
I even did not dare look eye on eye when talking to someone..
I think twice before i talk now..
i 'errr...' so long before i start mine conversation..
just in case i won’t say something stupid like i used to be back then...

phew..
can’t believe I typed so long..
actually I still want to continued it..
but blogging while the pile of unread note is in front of me making me feel so guilty..



there are some sentences,
you might think you are in that sentence, actually you are not
because you are in the sentence you think you are not in it..
understand??
if you think you are while your not..
sorry then
this is my blog..
i write what i want

problem

ahhh!!!
i really really headache right now..
there are so many troubles i need to settle
and now my laptop is giving me trouble...
thanks to me, go and delete the antivirus software,
now i think my laptop got problem dy..

i type faster than the word displayed in the monitor..
zzz

i love rain,
but please don't rain for this week..
there is still so many undone stuff i need to settle with my classmates..

and then the second semester timetable is giving me another trouble again..
which one i should follow?
base on my research,
i get to know that, some people will leaving the group..
they going to join their friends in other stream
where should i go then???
follow them?
or alone...

the barred list had out..
luckily I'm not listed...
i wonder why people like to skip and absent for class..
then what is the point you study at here??

the exam mark had revealed..
and I'm really upset bout it..
this is the first time i felt pain in heart for getting low mark in exam...
last time i still can LOL if i failed for any subject
i think i had looked too high on myself
i think i had to mirror my capabilities
on
what i can
&
what i cant

stay

this few days..
i am really really down..
i can't explain why I'm becoming like this..
homework? [stupid talk show]
social network? [because of them]
family? [guilty]

i thought that a trip maybe will make me happy again..
but then,
i think i make the whole day sucks..
trying to make myself comfortable during the trip..
but i failed...

i can't breath well..
like there is a hole some where in my lung..
after i get home,
i quickly eat medicine..
till now, im still searching for the right way to make me breath comfortably...

i hate to eat medicine..
too depended on it,
will make me become just like him...


i guess I'm already old
too lazy
shopping and straying around cant entertain me anymore..
now i prefer sitting alone facing the comp whole day and speak nothing..
prefer msn to crap more than talking face to face...

what should i do....
why i cant hide my emotion anymore....
i feel like an idiot acting like that in front of them...
sorry


maybe i will consider stayed instead of go

the thing getting worst..
i don't know why, i started to hate them..


i am so so so so down.....

is it I'm that easy to let other make use of me?
taking advantage on?

I'm so going to be crazy soon...

the person i thought who will be close to me in future seems so far away from me
the person i thought that will have no ending, i started to like them
seems like i cant make any commitment toward everything..
I'm easily get bored..

and I'm become more lousy in giving other people advices..
I'm trying to help her..
there are time... I'm not even understand, am i actually help her?

I'm getting more n more irritating..
feels that i started to talked alien language, and felt that they don't understand what i mean..


just keep the fucking mouth shut..
will save the day..



thanks you
for helping us
thanks you
for coming here

sorry
for wasting your time
sorry
if i annoyed you


i wanted apologize a lot..
to my housemate
my classmate
my friend..
i am sorry...
really sorry
T.T


I'm weird

Plagiarism:Leng lui theory

Siang's Theory : Leng lui can see cannot touch!!

Just a short brief topic for today, an interesting topic for me though I've been talking bout it for ages.. Even BF felt boring for it.. Yet still I wanna blog it..

Leng lui's RULE
1st rule : Leng Lui always right..
2nd rule : Whenever you feel Leng Lui is wrong, slap yourself and see back rule no 1..

In this world of reality, pretty girl deserve first place.. First place in whatever position, even main topic in a discussion also the name of those pretty comes in first.. Am I jealous of it? Nothing to jealous also.. Pretty girls is just a vase, a vase that forever to show to others.. They did not play any important role and just a display for visitors..

Sometimes I'm too kind to pity those guys who are so addicted to pretty girls.. As BF said, they willing to let those pretty girls play though they had know the ending very well.. Yet they still bang their head towards those walls.. Stupid right? xD As conclusion, life without pretty girls for them is totally killing them off.. Correct right?

*guys don't kill me*!!

source: my BF blog
•ΞscΔρΞ frΘm rΞΔL|ty•


XD

control

*clap clap clap*
really need to clap to myself
finally i can control my emotion..
although the whole day,
there is something distract me.. really not in a very good mood
but i manage to control it, i guess nobody will notice it also..
actually i want to find people to talk to
but........


lonely~~
I'm so lonely~~

sad~~
I'm so sad~~

pain~~
I'm in pain~~




rejected...
please teach me ways to overcome all this negative thought
please teach me ways to see the good side of everyone..
please teach me ways so that i wouldn't been rejected again

even them rejected me.. T.T
is it I'm too arrogant in building a relationship?
our friendship need a third people to make it continue..
i guess if the third people is not here, fullstop will appear in our story..
i will forever have to make the first move..
why?
can you notice that I'm really really tired?

the not important one will have to make the first move,
while the important one just have to wait for people to approach to them

the not very important one,
forever is the last people that get to know bout everything
the not very important one,
have no authority to talk, especially when talking bout the feeling she felt..
everyone will forget whatever thing that the not important one had said before..
crap to make people notice that this person is still alive..
and thanks to crap, people will only thought this human only know how to crap.. and will only find you to crap and find you to LISTEN..

i listen a lot of story from lots of people
how many people listen to me before?
i saw many people cry in front of me before
how many people really saw me cry out of heart?
i saw many people burst to anger and people will comfort them on spot
comforting huh...
how many people did that to me before?
I'm acting too strong?



tired tired
you ask me to tell you
but you never listen!!!
what is the point then?
i have no chance to voice my opinion and opinion of me keep being kick far far away..

i shut up!!!
learning to shut up!!
learning to control and keep all this thing deep inside my heart..

because you are the important one?
while I'm the rejected human?

why people approve you
and people keep on rejected me?
when can i find a people that will approve me at least one time?


okie story of yesterday
i really have no idea wanna how to continue the project
luckily there are some people willing to help
thanks
i saw them for the first time
notice that, why wanna complained?
and you notice it also huh...

fell down again..
pain.. TT
stair seems to hate me a lot..
even unliving material rejected me

understand?

haih....
talk more wrong more, must learn to control my mouth again..
once i started to crap, i will talk without thinking other people feelings..

who should i seek for helped?
TT
they just don't understand that they really not understand what I'm trying to let them understand
they are not bother to understand it also..
people are selfish i guess
so should i continue understand other whom are not bother to understand me?
understand what i want?
understand what i need?
understand my feeling? my emotion?

but before i continue this
i think i should ask myself..
am i really that important for people to understand me?
am i worth?

from the start till now,
i observe...
i feel...
and all this make me believe of what i belief...


I'm so sorry to say that,
you did not understand me
and i did not understand you as well
forever there will be a gap between us...
that separate us...


no one in this world understand me more than this rejected bloggies
no one in this world will listen so much from me except rejected bloggies
no one that i will dare to seek except here...
when problem occur, other will find their friend, sibling or parent to share it all..
but me..

until the problem is over..
only i will tell it out
when that time come for me to tell..
is the same expression and responses again...

don't you get the point that i am
lonely?
XD

a lot of thing had happen..
after the exam mark are released,
everyone seems happy but in their inner heart,
i can feel that everyone is not satisfy..

study and not study is your choice..
when the result is out, your marks is low..
who can you blame except for yourself?

other people commenting or talking bad behind or in front me
i don't mind..
even i became less socialize with people at here..
became a nerd
even if my other friends at here, had it all, all the friends..
i think i wont regret..
because
i still remember the promises that i had make to them..

i make my mistake once
i failed my life once..
i disappointed them a lot

whenever i saw her,
i can see a sorrow on her face,
she must had been suffer a lot..
sorry...

because of that...
i try to strive for it
even it is tiring, but when i imagine her..
i think i can continue it without any complaining

actually I'm quite disappointed with my grade,
there are some paper i really sad bout it..
while other score the highest,
i cant even get half mark of it.
and the fucking assignment is making me headache..
i really hate to do something that had to deal with my mouth..
zzz!!!
i can see other can score really well for their exam
how come i cant be like them?


while the exam is around the corner
i can feel the tenses at everywhere..
everyone started to freak out
and i think,
i should start too....


human like you should not be disappeared from here..
became a human where people are not notice bout your existence is painful
it is not as easy as you think..
but
for certain reason,
i think you can do it


best of luck to us

rejected again

assignment stuff...
got people tell me that i am too fierce
and i had over reacted it without really checking who really are the one who making the fault..


i had to mirror myself again..
i realize that
they did not wrong all..
i understand part of it is my fault
but the way you say sound that im the mean people...
and you tell everyone bout that?
even she know bout it

okay
fine..
maybe im not a good people after all..
crap till the end,
whatever thing that i done cant satisfied you
then im really sorry

the reason im rejected
is i had the worst attitude ever..
and im sorry i cant please you

if i really done anything that pissed you..
you need to tell so many people bout that?
talked it like it was all my fault?

thank you for telling me,
at least i know
what i look like in other people's eye



some time,
the way you talk, should be a limit of it..
even if the other one seems like not care,
it doesnt mean that the person will not angry...
i know you are popular, attractive and cute, you got the attraction to attract and influence other to follow whatever thing you do...
but you need to use this as your advantages and play other feelings?

i really salute you
for be able to bare it so long
after what everyone had done all those stuff to you...






rejected again
im the selfish jerk
guilty guilty

mount

along way back from school
i watched other cycle, walking n fishing
some are full of smile
some are emotionless

went even further,
i saw the mount
from far, it seems so peace and beautiful
the mount look so good
that is what i thought of whenever i saw a mount..
and i went more further,
i realize that the shape of the tree's canopy that cover the whole mount looks kind of creepy to me..
if i have a chances to went into the mount,
maybe i will have another expectation or different kind of view to this mount

just like human,
before we know each other,
we judge each other by its cover..
a bottle that looks good from outside, but inside of it...
you will know, until you make a further step to get know of it...

i love mount.....



erm short brief of what had happen to me today
i go to school,
slept during 2 hour lecture class
moodless for the other tutorial class
and crap awhile with my classmate

oh ya,
i saw her..
she grew fatter..
XD
i guess i also became fatter


okie time for nap~~
-rejected-

two people

when you think you are the most miserable people in the world for a particular moment..
look at the people around you..
do you feel think that you deserved to blame on everything? complain on everything?
then what does other people feel?
while you get the best at here,
you have everything that other wish wanted to have..
and yet..
you still complain unstop
and some more complain it to the other that are more 'unlucky'
now think back, feeling guilty to complain to certain people...

the reason why i hate to talk to you:
actually there are time,
i really dislike the way you talk?
you never give chances to other to talk
and even if you do..
you will eventually make mine things and converted it to your's topic..
so you will be the attention of the other
you tell me to spread all the unhappy thing to you,
but do you ever listen?
i can please you, you are not happy, you need silent, i will do it for you
but you never done this to me before...


do anyone at least understand what i really need!!!
i need to sleep!!
cant you all just buy food for me since you all are going out also..
maybe lack of sleep, so im complaining non-stop

i got the feeling of what you had experienced now
maybe im the type who a bit optimistic, so this feeling are gone...
not to say gone,
reduce in a level that at least i wont feel like wanna cry for no reason?

and you..
make me got a shock..
because you are more emo than me..
actually i wanted to know what happen to you..
you seems under a lot of pressure but you say your not
you move out and dint tell us the reason..
im not the type who are good in giving advices...
i really dont know want how to help you out..

'can i die?'
if you got this kind of thought and you telling me,
i dare to say that you wont do this..
and i hope you wont...

awake

got a shock actually
that he will tell me his feeling, his mood, and what he had done...
the more he tell me what he had fight for his study
the more i feel guilty
i get to know his thing from other people..
am i a useless people??
we are near but yet seems so far away..
and those who are far seem a lot more far away..
i really miss those day
since when we started to ignore each other and why??

a lot of thing happen this weekend..
alone at here,
make me realize a lot of thing
at least i know they still concern bout me(maybe)
i know that he is sad
i know that they are happy
i know that im being ignored by certain people..
i get to know more bout them...
realize that she also are close with them, while im.....
realize that i started to hate U
realize that only she n she n she n she n he n them still know that im existed and i feel important whenever im with them.. thanks

to them:
although u never really listen to me
but u accept me from rejected
pain is there,
but a little hope u gave it to me
will vanished all the pain

to the other them:
everything is past tense then
and
i really dont understand..
i ignore u?
or
u ignore me?

trying to prepare myself for the exam..
but im really easily distracted...
i love the time started from 2am..
silent..
but the noise from the outside annoyed me..
i heard sound of....(maybe imagination)

ahh!!
i really hope i can pass well for this semester test
i need help on homework...
i really need it...
but i guess at here,
no one will help
except yourself..
i didnt dare to bother him, since he is so upset with his stuff

im curious of what kind of phone the other he had bought..

very less people actually take seriously on what I'm trying to say
just like them..
i mention to them before bout this thing..
but they react like it was nothing..
after the incident is over, they ask me again..
'oh ya lo hor!! you.......'

it happen several times
I'm just part of entertainer in your life?

continue treating me in this way,
i don't want be treated so seriously..


i heard that my classmate had been suspected for H1N1(i don't know whether true or not)
a lot of people at diamond bay infected with the diseases as well
i hope my family are safe from the viruses attacked ==
hope that everyone will be just fine...

im the rejected

the gap between you and me
become bigger and bigger each day

until
i don't know want to talk what with you
crap?
you doesn't seems like the ppl that same channel with all my crap
serious stuff?
i think only gossip bout the same ppl, is all we can talk about

the important thing that you say you don't mind
i see you did that everyday
I'm upset? I'm angry?
I'm jealous?(maybe)
is it I'm over sensitive or over reacted with it?

try to tell myself is OK and try to talk more with you,
maybe you will realize that I'm still exist
and realize that actually i can talk a lot

but then,
should i really have to force myself to make me and you more closer?
not to say force..
is like making me n you become closer but you doesnt seem to care bout it?
a single thing that been said or done by the other friend of you, or they need not have to do anything
you will fly to that friend
the other is more attractive and more valuable to talk to...
and it seems like I'm trying to search a needle in a big sea..
my effort of doing all this.. i looked so stupid

concentrate at my studies is better than building up this relationship that did not ever going to worked

too fed up

i want to find some one to talk............
but...........
promise not to be emo again...
whenever im alone, ......................


this is life...
and im weird

important

people tell me that it is not important..
but i realize,
it is very important..

people are just lying to comfort u..
the more they say is not important,
actually
they very mind it..

if really the fact is important, why don't you just tell me it is important..
i feel pissed to find out that,
you are lying me bout the fact that actually it is important..

i know i did not owned anything that related to the importancy
but the way you all react with the fact
-no comment-

nevermind..
at least i know the true face of you
important or not important is not really matter to me right now
fed up


thanks to the cruelty society at here
that really make me grow up a lot
after so long, i realize that you are the best!!

i cant sleep
i cant sleep!!!!

i cant breath
i cant breath!!!

i feel cold, so i blanket myself
i feel hot, so i unblanket myself
after i unblanket it, i feel cold..
but when i blanket myself, i feel hot
so at the end,
i rolling at the bed for more than 2 hour...
i cant sleep..


you tell me that I'm a good people
i help you
but i don't think i had done any good deed...
i still feel I've done not good enough....
i wanted to do the best...
but it end up, me myself very disappointed on it...
trying hard to fix it back..
but time wont let me do that....

if i knew,
the outcome will be like this,
i will..............
i wont.................


XD




i wish i can be just like u

LOST 1

you thought it is lost,
but actually it is not lost
it will lost if you thought is it lost
so it is lost
but actually it is not lost
just because you think it is lost,
so at the end it is lost

actually it is not lost
it is by your side..
if you open your eye wide wide..
actually it is by your side....

now only i found it..
joy to the world~~~~~

i want to back to the crappie world..

LOST

im sorry for being so childish
im sorry for everything



im sorry









erm...
today really a bad day..
i lost RM3000, if i buy the number at there..
what was on my mind till i throw it to the trash bin???
i lost my phone cover..

i lost a lot of thing..
i lost myself
i lost my friend
i lost the trust of my father
i lost a lot of precious thing..
i lost it all..
just because of the way i act...



sorry
i am so sorry

i hate myself

after the whole day,
I'm back to my dearest hometown..

when i wake up, spend a lot of time..
re think what had i done for this week
some how, i feel a bit guilty for what ever complaining that i done to everyone...


i don't have the right to report at some one..
after all, we are still classmate...
feeling damn guilty..
I'm a jerk after all..
whatever thing that done by me
all are LIED?

i don't know what am i writing here..
if i can turn back the time for today..
i wish i did not done all the complaining and reporting stuff

and...
sorry
really sorry,
for the way i act...
after coming to here, I'm acting so differently, so not me..


and when i go home..
i seems avoid to have a conversation with my parent..
then, my dad ask me..
how is your study?

seriously i am stunt..
i feel like i really did not put any damn effort to revise for the exam..
the stupid assignment is haunting me everyday....
jealous of other people exam result..
what more i can expect..
I'm the one should be blame for everything that happen...
I'm so sad and disappointed with myself..
it seems that I'm back to the past life again..

i really don't have the mood to do any communication with people right now..
everything that come out from my mouth is just complaining and complaining of the miserable life that I'm have right now..

really tired
when i came home..
i see how my parent worked hard just to keep me further my study at here..
i really hate myself...

assignment really make me pissed off...
I'm doing all the thing, not to say all the thing..
before this few days..
doing all the thing alone..
crying and thinking why am i have to face this kind of problem..
other people is pitying on other who did not done any effort or contribution for the assignment..
how come no one pity me?
not even a thanks?
forget it.. this thing is over...
i hope i wont facing this problem again next semester...
why my other friend seems have an enjoyable foundation life?


i really had no EQ since i come here..
every time i type a blog at here..
my tear started to flow..