FACTs of ME

just wanted to make my time pass...
so here i am again...
this two days, i cant sleep well...
afraid of phone vibrating,
and i don't even dare to answer call from those unknown number..
I'm so afraid that it will be them again..
maybe it was my fault from the first place..
this is me
all what i can say is
sorry at here
whenever i mess up a thing
i don't even dare to said it face to face with those people
i cant ask myself what should i do
because me myself don't know what should do..
i cant ask other what should i do
because for sure, i wouldn't do that...





I'm getting lazier and afraid of reunion stuff
there are people will called me for yum cha
but i will reject it...
while other people are excited planning what to do and where to reunion or a party perhaps
I'm busy thinking ways to reject all those invitations..
there are time, i just hate to be in a big group chatting..
although all of them are my friends..
i can chat with them..
but after awhile, i realize that...
i had nothing to talk..
and that's make me wander,
why you have so many thing to talk with other people...
maybe I'm not the socialize type people...
why I'm turning into people like this..
i used to talked a lot..
text ed a lot..
msn~ing a lot..
comment a lot on other people profile..
and all those passion seems to be fly away from me...

phone used to be by my side all the time
but now..
i don't even now where it is...
im getting lazier to reply people messages
i think this happened to me,
since i mess up the friendship between you and me
since you and i stop messanging each other
i think you found another best friends than me
i cant find a reason for me to sms back you

i'm weird..
when a person are getting more closer and more closer to me
i will find a way to avoid these people..
don't ask me why
i don't know either....

when friends and my brothers tell me that they went out to meet with their friends at coffee shops
and they stayed there for so long talking and talking and TALKING
i started to think that, do you guys really have so many things to talked to?
talked bout the funny past time?
i had to admit that i really easily forget something
now I'm sitting here, try to think back how is my secondary life is..
seriously..
i cant think of anything memorable or funny...
even some time when friends talked back bout it..
i was like..
'oh ya.. it does happen before'
when other share their childhood memory
this is even more worst
i cant even remember what i used to played when i were small..
who i hang out with?
[erm.. i hang out with only my brother until i went to secondary school i guess]
totally lost most of my memory of the past...

oh yaa..
if i cant talked with my friends or family
then talked bout the recent friends i had knew
my classmates..
more worst scenario i guess..
there are time i open the group conversation of my class..
i don't even understand what they are talking
I'm bad, so i try change topic..
and end up..
ignored..
not wanted to say what..
maybe is my fault for not communicate with them more often i guess...

when other people are being ignored..
i will make them feel they are not
because I'm listening..
but when I'm being ignored
who will do that?

so i guess...
just me and the fake life created by humans..
me and the dramas and movies
to pass my days

today i went for shopping with mum..
i don't know why,
since I'm born till now..
i had a thought that my family is poor..
that's why, there are things that i like so much, wanted to owned it so much at that moments..
after think a while, i will choose to leave the shop with empty hand..
POOR.. cant afford it
this things will find a better owner than me i guess..
and because of this..
i lost passion to shopping also..
what i can do is,
carried thing for my mum...

is this a life?
what is life?
people used to put a BIG comment to let other know that they hate their life
but at least you still have a 'life' for you to live to
life wont hate you
is you the one who hate life and that make you things that you have the BAD life ever..


i just lost my life
this is what i can said...
maybe i should just go and sleep..
sleep is my life for now onward..
until i found something new XD