=(

argh..

i hate it..

hate myself for being so weak when i trying to be mean..

small thing happen and everything of me become un~organizable..

i never learn to shut up..

never learn to think twice before saying it all.................

I'm just a jerk after all..

everyone started to afraid me and they choose a word 'respect' to represent how afraid they are to me..

i just hate this feeling where everyone treated me in this way..

back then,

no one treated me in this way..

people treated me normally,

even how arrogant i am.. they will just point it out straight to my face in a good way..

people I'm facing right now is much more horrible..

they did it behind me..

some even isolate me..

stay away from me...

when I'm trying to be good,

they just had the perception that this is just me..

I'm mean

I'm arrogant

everything of me is equal to a jerk..

maybe I'm just a jerk after all..

there is some reason why all the people treated me in this way...

can't you understand how sad i am now?

now i sound like a joke to everyone...

i cant even find someone to talk too..

i cant even find a way to express how sad i am to someone..

i cant even find a place i can cry out loud without letting other ppl know..

i cant even have the courage to call back home and express everything..

i just cant..

no one is there when i really need someone...

and I'm sick and tired with this...

and the sad thing of all is..

you never notice it..

you never bother to care bout it..

is this all about?

this is the friendship i had build?

family supporting is not strong enough...

i am so damn upset with everything..

maybe just today..

i really cant accept it..

i am so damn weak...

i am really tired of being the 'me' right now..

i am so tired with everything..

i am so tired being stuck with all this thing..

i am tired with this life...

T__T

wish it will never stop flowing...

I'm so tired thinking bout this..

i want to back to my room..

my very own room..

shut myself from the world..