i hate

what the hell is on my mind!!??

i cant even understand..

i spend one whole days..

crying nonstop

tear drop without any reason...

i cant control it..

i cant..

i skip whole day classes..

to stayed at room and cry

i feel so damn useless..

i am so fucking useless..

my hand trembling..

my finger lost all the energy..

my mind is full of question and thought..

my eye in tear..

my whole body lost my souls

yesterday night were terrible..

i keep on thinking the best way to end up the clock clicking for me..

until i think of you

every time,

when I'm desperate,

i will think of you, the guilty within me..

making me feeling so damn fuck..

i am sorry, for not be able to control my anger and behavior when I'm with you

sorry for not behave well..

even when you send me to the bus station,

i just leave without saying goodbye..

not even look at you

not even talk to you even when you ask me question

i feel so damn guilty for doing so..

i hate myself...

i hate myself

i just hate it..

i hate that i just know to lock myself from the world and cry

i hate myself for not be able to face the mistake that i have done

i hate myself for not be able to say a sorry to you

i hate myself for treating you this way..

i hate myself for just knowing to blog it out and not do it out

i hate

till now,

i cant find the spirit to continue

i feel like I'm wasting your money

wasted your time for bringing me up

wasted your energy and effort you done to just make me standing here..

now only i realize that,

everything bout me shouldn't be share to some one..

is like a curse...

just like you, i think you have even erase me from your mind..

i don't know what happen...

maybe i freak you up?

i think, hating me is the best way..

but i still wanted to sms with you again..

i wanted to...

i wanted to have morning sms from you

i wanted to have forward sms from you

i wanted to hear joke from you

i wanted to listen to the story that you created for me

i wanted to quarrel with you again

i wanted to listen everything from you

i do...

i really do treat you as a friend of mine..

even we never meet before.. but it feels like we have known each other

i feel so damn sad when you ask me who am i

am i so easily being erased from your mind?

every time thinking of you,

i feel so damn sad..

lost a friend like you, making me scare that i will lost another friends again

because of you(maybe),

now

i just like to make everyone to hate me..

hate me more,

maybe if someday,

when I'm not standing on the ground,

people will not drop a tear..

i am a passer by, that pass by and leave no mark on your story..

another BANG

i think i can died on spot...

==

i should think of way to motivate myself...

i do hope,

i really hope that i own a courage

courage and gut to end this life...

craps..