what a day

seems like everything is not bad at all...
i guess today will be the most happiest day i had for the past two month
my family and i are doing great
friends are just fine.........

im bad?
realize that the way u looked and talk to me is full of anger?
pointed out my mistake......
looking down at me???

if im not going out today...
i guess i will be sleeping..
should i thanks her?

i miss my cubic so much..
i cant live one day without touching you
facebook rubic is so ridiculous
i cant see and feel it..

now only i know that love is so simple...
haha~~


after talking to you
i really realize that im a nerd...
i have not speciality in any thing
i am boring
their relationship is so good!!
kind of jealous with them..
but nerd suit me better...


i want to play so many thing
i want to do so many thing
my laptop is killing all my feeling now..
facing you making my heart feel so pain
for remembering the stupid thing that i had done..
blame no other but me




[edit at 4.46am 30/8/09]
ahh.. feel so good to be alone and silent facing my laptop and playing my brother cubic..
i wanted to chat with people...
but the night is too late for them..
everyone is fast asleep
so i went to
omegle.com chatted with unknown..
kind of addicted to this activities..
at least at there
people wouldn't reject me
i can fake myself out~~
wahaha~~~
and now...
i've done all the stupid thing alone at here..
shit..
i forgotten to check my timetable..
nevermind..
i prograstinate again.
haha!!

disappointed

yesterday was the end of everything..
not to mean everything.. at least everything for the 3 month i suffering..
i wish to change it all next semester..
it is been a 'great' experience..
thanks anyway

it is always been like this..
my feeling
my thing
everything about me,
will be put at the last..
and everything bout him.. you all concern it the most!!
this had been i don't know the how many time..
no one willing to fetch me home from bus station..
I'm waiting like an idiot in front of the supermarket..
the sun is burning my skin..
i sit at there and wait..
I'm thinking of walking back home at that moment
i think it is faster than waited at there more than half an hour..
if the person is him..
less than 5 min, you all will go and pick him..

i am so tired and sleepy..
i sleep a total of 16 hours after i came home..
i think you don't know I'm home and sleeping in room either..

there are reason for everything i done..
they doesn't seems to concern, so i act differently for them to realize bout me..
but they said I'm so arrogant.. so i changed again..
they did the same to me.. only you, they concern in the whole family i guess..
what should i do to get their attention??
i get blame for everything i did... whatever thing i done cant satisfy all of you..


my laptop is worrying me..
a friend tell me to ask the person as he is pro in this field..
so i asked...
but no answer.. guess he was busy..
every time it is going to be like this...
the reason i don't want to find people is..
i scare of being rejected..
and yet..
people keep on rejected me...
even he wouldn't want to help me either
i guess..
i have to do this alone again...

i used to wait people to find me..
because i scare be ignore..
i scare people will say I'm so irritating
so i wait and wait and wait
no one know..
that i scare alone..
but yet.. they still throw me to the hole..
let me learn to be independent?
I'll try

feel like wanna cry out!! but bare it all with a laugh on my face..
swear wont cry in front of other again..
because in every one mind..
I'm not suit to become that type of people..
all because i acted like a boy???

people treat people differently......
i know why,
im not worth..
im not
that the end of the story..


我该怎么做？别人才能发现我的存在。
我该怎么做？别人才能发现我的痛。
我该怎么做？别人才懂得爱我？
我该怎么做？

做你多么得好，你都有一斑很好的朋友。。
你到了什么地方，都会找到很多很好的朋友。。
真的很羡慕你。。
每次你有心事，我都很努力的想办法帮你。
但我的时候？发现，没有一个愿意留下听。。
每个人都有烦恼，但我的烦恼就不是烦恼？
不要再一直说我在这里是多么多么的好。。
应为你根本都不懂。。
每次叫我说出来，但我的每一次，你都有听的吗？

我真的很想告诉你，我一点都不开心，一点都不快乐
说到最后，你的事，都比我的重要。。

上网，找不到一个可以聊的。。
回到家，比较喜欢呆在房里。。
出去？要去哪里？
看来，我真的要学会一个人生活
永远。。。

thought of rejected

Suddenly my mind is so blank...
I am sitting alone at the living room..
waiting my mind to make a first move to study..

Just now at school,
I had thought a lot of things..
I wanted to blog it out, but part of it
I had forgotten..

after that day,
I had a deep think of myself..
I really hate myself for being me...
what contribution that I had make since I live for 19years?
what is the meaning for me to keep leaving here?
I still can’t find a path that lead me to my future..
maybe the path I'm standing right now will lead me to it..
but I still very blur bout it..
did I make the right decision?

life is full of regrets..
and I don't want to live with it..
just like choosing the time table..

I did wanted to do something different..
maybe alone again..
but i realize I cant..
I need to consider bout them also..
and them.....

little kids are really little kids..
really don't understand what is really on their mind..
I'm too complicated to understand your simple
or
the other hand?
generation gap?

I wanted to tell that person so much!!
wanted to tell that person how I feel..
what I want
but.....
this is only what I want,
and what I want doesn't mean other have to accompany me for doing the risk...
hmmm.. what should i do then?

i wanted to go home..
i can’t wait for the end of this friday..
although there are still a lot of thing have not settle yet..
but i seems so 'relax'?

they really scare me..
they really change my perspective of judging other..
is it all the people are same like them?
this wonder on my mind whenever i with them..
I wanted to ask this question so much
but it seems so weird for me to do so..
is this a kind of communicate skills?
weird weird..
why my friends did not act or sound like you then?

I missed the count..
I forget how many time you stopped me from saying something
and you keep on bla bla bla...
no manner?
maybe I am..
because I'm stabbing behind you instead of saying in front of you..


sorry
because I'm a jerk..
XP


I saw them
making me o.0
is that really that fun?
how come so many people came?
because of her?
appearance is really important then..
that's why..
here is so........

I need a people to be with me right now..
so many thing i had kept in my heart..
I need a break...
there is a lot of conflict...
silent war....

dear friends,
if you see me silently, acting so different from the past..
i tell you why,
because at here.....
being good will just let other making use of you
being bad, people love you more..
==
if you are handsome/pretty or rich..
people will approach you automatically
you are born and looked like a dumb ass like me..
errr...
this is the way people judge people at here..
I’m losing a lot of confident since i came here..
there are time,
I even did not dare look eye on eye when talking to someone..
I think twice before i talk now..
i 'errr...' so long before i start mine conversation..
just in case i won’t say something stupid like i used to be back then...

phew..
can’t believe I typed so long..
actually I still want to continued it..
but blogging while the pile of unread note is in front of me making me feel so guilty..



there are some sentences,
you might think you are in that sentence, actually you are not
because you are in the sentence you think you are not in it..
understand??
if you think you are while your not..
sorry then
this is my blog..
i write what i want

problem

ahhh!!!
i really really headache right now..
there are so many troubles i need to settle
and now my laptop is giving me trouble...
thanks to me, go and delete the antivirus software,
now i think my laptop got problem dy..

i type faster than the word displayed in the monitor..
zzz

i love rain,
but please don't rain for this week..
there is still so many undone stuff i need to settle with my classmates..

and then the second semester timetable is giving me another trouble again..
which one i should follow?
base on my research,
i get to know that, some people will leaving the group..
they going to join their friends in other stream
where should i go then???
follow them?
or alone...

the barred list had out..
luckily I'm not listed...
i wonder why people like to skip and absent for class..
then what is the point you study at here??

the exam mark had revealed..
and I'm really upset bout it..
this is the first time i felt pain in heart for getting low mark in exam...
last time i still can LOL if i failed for any subject
i think i had looked too high on myself
i think i had to mirror my capabilities
on
what i can
&
what i cant

stay

this few days..
i am really really down..
i can't explain why I'm becoming like this..
homework? [stupid talk show]
social network? [because of them]
family? [guilty]

i thought that a trip maybe will make me happy again..
but then,
i think i make the whole day sucks..
trying to make myself comfortable during the trip..
but i failed...

i can't breath well..
like there is a hole some where in my lung..
after i get home,
i quickly eat medicine..
till now, im still searching for the right way to make me breath comfortably...

i hate to eat medicine..
too depended on it,
will make me become just like him...


i guess I'm already old
too lazy
shopping and straying around cant entertain me anymore..
now i prefer sitting alone facing the comp whole day and speak nothing..
prefer msn to crap more than talking face to face...

what should i do....
why i cant hide my emotion anymore....
i feel like an idiot acting like that in front of them...
sorry


maybe i will consider stayed instead of go

the thing getting worst..
i don't know why, i started to hate them..


i am so so so so down.....

is it I'm that easy to let other make use of me?
taking advantage on?

I'm so going to be crazy soon...

the person i thought who will be close to me in future seems so far away from me
the person i thought that will have no ending, i started to like them
seems like i cant make any commitment toward everything..
I'm easily get bored..

and I'm become more lousy in giving other people advices..
I'm trying to help her..
there are time... I'm not even understand, am i actually help her?

I'm getting more n more irritating..
feels that i started to talked alien language, and felt that they don't understand what i mean..


just keep the fucking mouth shut..
will save the day..



thanks you
for helping us
thanks you
for coming here

sorry
for wasting your time
sorry
if i annoyed you


i wanted apologize a lot..
to my housemate
my classmate
my friend..
i am sorry...
really sorry
T.T


I'm weird

Plagiarism:Leng lui theory

Siang's Theory : Leng lui can see cannot touch!!

Just a short brief topic for today, an interesting topic for me though I've been talking bout it for ages.. Even BF felt boring for it.. Yet still I wanna blog it..

Leng lui's RULE
1st rule : Leng Lui always right..
2nd rule : Whenever you feel Leng Lui is wrong, slap yourself and see back rule no 1..

In this world of reality, pretty girl deserve first place.. First place in whatever position, even main topic in a discussion also the name of those pretty comes in first.. Am I jealous of it? Nothing to jealous also.. Pretty girls is just a vase, a vase that forever to show to others.. They did not play any important role and just a display for visitors..

Sometimes I'm too kind to pity those guys who are so addicted to pretty girls.. As BF said, they willing to let those pretty girls play though they had know the ending very well.. Yet they still bang their head towards those walls.. Stupid right? xD As conclusion, life without pretty girls for them is totally killing them off.. Correct right?

*guys don't kill me*!!

source: my BF blog
•ΞscΔρΞ frΘm rΞΔL|ty•


XD