When I am alone

When I am alone..

i cant help myself to stop thinking how i offended U, so many of U..

i cant help myself to hate myself for offended U..

sometime, i thought of talk nothing and just keep my fucking mouth shut tightly..

but i just dislike the moment when people did not want to talk to me..

it make me feel like i have offended you..

recently,

my mind is just worried whether i got offended anyone..

every conversation i have with others being justify every time when I'm alone

to make sure that i didn't offend other's people..

and the main problem occur here is..

i did not dare to apologize..

TT

Envious Minded

This post is to talk about how envious minded am i..

this minded pop out just today,

when i was chatting with my big brother and out of no where,

i mentioned bout my little brother with him..

i get a shock when my brother told me that,

he is actually kind of popular at school..

my brother eventually also feel the same as i do.. LOL

he had hold lots of big and important position in school..

i guess, if he sign up for prefect in the early of school, he can be voted as the vice or president also..

since secondary school,

he had shown lots of interest in playing chess..

if I'm not mistake, he once represent the state or district..

he is good in both Chinese and ang mo chess...

sports is not a problem to him..

i watches him played in a basketball competition before...

with his team and his nickname 'lamfung' xD

he is good...

badminton? maybe, i can see him obsess with badminton recently..

and his academic?

he is getting better and better each year..

i bet he will do very well for A-Level..

my big brother?

i don't know how to start up with his story..

he is just giving me a feeling that he is popular..

yes he is indeed popular among his friend..

he is a very easy get a long friend..

he is good at making joke,

he is good at critical thinking..

i also have to say he is good at emotional intelligence,

he just know the right time to joke or talked bout something serious..

even the way he express his anger,

everyone will respect it..

or the way he hated some one and making fun of his friends,

no one seems upset with it..

he is okay when everyone making fun with him..

he just good at his EQ.....

while im good at pissing off other people, and lots of people around me are scare of me? am i some kind of freakishly monster or what?

he is just good and everyone will just find him for anything..

even a small gathering or what, his friend will sure invited him or disturb him till he appeared..

this is what i heard from other

I'm just feeling he is good in some aspect but it is just hard for me to explain..

not to forget mention bout their friends..

im not trying to say i dun have a good friends.. but less if compare to them..

they just have lots of friend treated them so so so so so so good...

they have lots of friend at the street..

every night, the entertainment hours unstop..

phone rang, sms in, msn nudge..

just can see they had build up a good friendship network...

while i just had less than 10 people which i can rely on when i really need help and not everyone will be able to show up also..

i really envy with their friendship bonding between them..

it really cant be used to compare..

it can be say as..

one good friend that i have is equal to 5 good friends they have...

both of my brother are good in computerized software..

although both of them sure will not ended up in IT industry/field..

but they are just good than me..

they knew lots of thing bout computer that i never get to known..

even there is some things that i just learn from my course, they knew it too...

they learn thing very fast..

they are obviously good in playing game, any digitalized game will do..

my big brother once get top3 at Diamond Bay playing computer games..

not only that, they are good at playing toys like yo yo or magic cube..

yea i know how to play too. but the way they play and train themselves?

err.. i really cannot

in conclusion, they are just a great man that are just good in everything...

we are from the same parents but they and i are just different in many aspect..

they are good in a lot of thing which i can never master it forever..

while things that i good at, they knew it too..

there are lot of time i just cant keep my track with both of them..

which make me hard to communicate with them..

the relationship between both of them are ways to good,

and sometime i just being isolated by them..

did not blame that for that as i really cant enter to their discussion..

=..=

i envy to both of my brother..

by the way,

to those who are reading this blog and know my two brother..

please never ever spread this..

i don't wanna let them laugh their ass off as im praising them

I'm sort of a type that easily envy with everything..

but I'm also easily forget bout those thing or accept the truth..

Wake Up Call

An exam that had break all my pride, confident and everything that i believe myself in..

all the confident i built in one year is being crash just like that..

feel so damn pissed with myself...

an exam that prove how stupid am i..

an exam that prove that i did not work hard enough..

i never feel so stupid ever in my life before..

this is the first time i copy all the answer from other..

i really don't give a damn how high or how low this exam score

because the fact is, i score only 0%

this is so embarrassing..

and it really freak me a LOT!!!

sigh~

i really envy with those who can do the question by themselves although they are not the top scorer..

I'm so upset with my performance this semester...

is time to get myself to be even more serious...

Happy Birthday to ME

thanks to everyone who wasted your whole day, whole week, whole night planning surprises and entertain me...

The Tan's Family and Gang

yinshyuan, yinching, weiloo, leeming, shynnyoong, yewfai

112Gang

jiawei, suangsuang, chinlan, peilee

TCGang

lijiun, woeichyuan, wanchui, karyan, jienboon, wallace, and elson

a very big clap from me to you for successfully making the event..

although I'm trying to ignore and hide from this day..

you found me..

thanks..

this is the special birthday i every had after almost two decade I'm alive in earth...

special thanks to my friends who willing to waste their 1min time and purposely wake up middle of the night just to send me a warm and sweet sms...^^

zhiwei, monkuen, yinshyuan, leeming, lijiun, yuting, karvey, wanchui, aipeng, winkhai, siqing

this order is according from the first to the last in my phone msg^^

special thanks to my friend who purposely need to open their computer and search for my facebook profile to send me sweet sweet messages...^^

yinching, jiawei, leeming, zhiwei, lijiun, eugenetham, jayleong, elson, siewchuen, aini, chenyin, yoonkent, vijay, siewchean, huileng, chunpeng, karyan, peilee, weichu, wallace, johnny, yokchong, shushin, lindasun, kevinlee, ahliang, ahseng..

huhu.. thank you for being so updated in my facebook profile.. making me feel that I'm not your invisible friend....

thanks also too rejected supporter.. for those who wishing me at my blog^^

someone(i know who are you), and wallace

thanks to my mum and dad for born me and taking care of me till today

thanks for the dinner you make the day before my birthday..

love it so so much although you did not express anything...

####################################################

actually, i did not plan wanna write anything related to my birthday today...

i just found out something that making me feeling so touch just now..

i drop my tears when i try to read every single word of it...

reading it i do feel appreciate, warm, and memories keep playing in my mind..

seriously, i cant even think of something that had being mention,

maybe i never really appreciate every friendship that i make..

feel so ashamed of myself

but hei, is not your fault..

with this, i will try my best..

to become everyone best friends..

i hope you are doing fine..

my birthday wish?

i wish everyone is happy with their life and move on with no regret....

thanks..

i will remember this always^^

Thank U/Sorry

A simple post to say out loud a lot a lot lot lot of appreciation to all the people beside me...

those who celebrate my birthday, thanks for the effort[will update bout it SOON]

those who work hard with me every night for assignment..

those who give me courage,

those who had being treat as 'punch bag' accidentally whenever I'm in anger[thanks for not being upset with my attitude]

those who help me do all the registration stuff,

those who help me on tips for exam,

those who help me giving all those important information..

i cant do anything except express my gratitude here..

thank U

**********************************************************************

Recently I've been so down..

lot of time i wanna complain all those invisible problem that laid deep within my mind..

but i cant explain it in word...

it had been so so tough..

every night, i feel like want to cry out loud whenever I'm thinking that the arrival of TOMORROW..

sigh.. my stress level is boasting every single day..

after i ended each of my exam..

feel nothing but just disappointed..

I'm not trying to show off right now..

i just really feel disappointed with myself this few days..

feel like I'm going to back to the previous me in two years ago...

useless life, wasted the two years time..

i know the goal that i should fight for,

but i just cant motivate myself to get into it...

whenever i see others people studying,

the kiasu-ness minded me start to feel pissed off...

i just cant understand myself..

sigh...

I'm shivering every single day

afraid of the arrival of tomorrow..

I'm feeling that I'm changing a lot into more aggressive me..

so hate myself whenever i think back on how arrogant am i trying to control others people life to follow on how i planned everything should be..

I'm sorry..

to those i hurt before..

i talk without think twice..

my word are too harsh...

if my attitude pissed you off...

I'm just sorry..

i apologize sincerely..

is been so tough for me to go through..

acting to be too strong is too tiring..

becoming strong and independent is stressful..

sometime, i do hope there is someone willing to share out their shoulder for me...

i hope that people will treat me like i need some protection...

i do hope that i can cry out loud without feeling shame of myself..

i do hope that i can becoming a person that rely on people and not people rely on me...

i do hope there is people willing to teach me like i know nothing bout everything..

T_T

everything is been so damn hard for me to go through..

i just hope that, people will not look too high on me..

don't put too much expectation..

I'm actually not like the one you see everyday...

I'm a weak and pathetic human that seeking for a simple life...

sorry

I'm in such a condition that i don't even know what i want to say anymore..

T_T

一个人久了

一个人久了。。。会懒得恋爱。。。
一个人久了。。。朋友会越重要。。。
一个人久了。。。会越来越喜欢听歌。。。


一个人久了。。。电话会常常忘记带。。。


一个人久了。。。会养成一个怪癖。。。


一个人久了。。。对爱情会越来越挑剔。。。


一个人久了。。。除了寂寞点外还是会蛮开心的。。。


一个人久了。。。会慢慢变成成熟起来。。。


一个人久了。。。会比以前更重视更爱父母，更重视亲情。。。

一个人久了。。。对所有的节日大多没什么期待。。。

一个人久了。。。听到看到别人一对对的很甜蜜，心里多少还是会有些介意。。。

一个人久了。。。会喜欢买很多无谓东西，带自己去很远的地方。。。

一个人久了。。。会觉得无拘无束自由自在天宽地广。。。

一个人久了。。。爱情会变得越来越不重要，取而代之的是钱和事业。。。

一个人久了。。。会越来越理性，越来越现实。。。

一个人久了。。。会越来越沉闷。。。

一个人久了。。。会懂得处理钱财。。。
一个人久了。。。会把时间都会放在家人身上，，，
一个人久了。。。都不喜欢一个人去戏院看戏。。。

一个人久了。。。做事只需跟自己交待。。。
一个人久了。。。计划未来的东西都只是一个人，，，
一个人久了。。。发白日梦的时间也多了。。。

一个人久了。。。开始会自言自语了。。。

一个人久了。。。开始会做些无聊的东西了。。。

一个人久了。。。开销会少了。。
一个人久了。。。朋友会越来越多了。。。
一个人久了。。。会喜欢坐在沙滩上。。。
一个人久了。。。是很幸福的时光。。。
一个人久了。。。会喜欢上一个人的生活。。。

Im BAD

whenever people need help...

i will try my best to help them if i can..

even they need no help at all, i still will try my best to find whatever thing to help them to make their life good with my presence in their life...

i do this, because i believe in karma..

i do hope that, whenever i need help..

there is someone who will help me back without expecting any returning..

sigh..

guess that i was wrong..

no matter how hard i try is equal to how hard i present myself to look more stupid in front of other..

sometime, i do angry with those people

which was like giving a

'you have no leg no hand to do it yourself?'

and this started to annoyed me most..

i even start to hate most of my friend around me..

no matter who you are,

i hate myself because of my stupidness whenever i ask any help from you...

i am sorry that i am so annoying..

i am so sorry to disturb you..

maybe I'm the one who suppose to leave you alone instead you trying to leave me..

sensing how much hate you keep inside your heart is making me feel so damn of myself...

i treat everyone equally same,

there is no differentiation between everyone in my friendship

the things that make difference is because i started to hate you

and i sense that you hate me too..

if you think that im not talking bout you, you are so wrong..

because it is you the one im talking bout...

don't worry, I'm not trying to express my anger to you..

looking at you making me feel pissed of myself..

maybe i should learn to shut up whenever I'm with you, so that you can be in peace..

i never understand last time did not mean I'm not now..