=(

i never blame anyone for anything..

even how upset i am toward you..

i swallow it hard and continue be your very best friends...

but

things goes different as time pass..

now,

i really feel so tired facing each of you..

tired of opening a conversation with you..

tired to look into your eyes..

just tired..

no matter how hard i try previously..

i look like an idiot who trying to disturb you daily routine..

friend ask me to talk out the problem out with you..

i dint dare,

because everything that upset me most seems to be my very own stupid selfish thought..

i tell myself every time to just bare it through for few more years..

it getting more and more difficult..

what making it so difficult is,

i show it so obviously, and you never even bother to correct yourself..

maybe my expectation toward ways of everyone to treat me is too over..

they are not my families members..

i cant force them to accept the way i want them to be..

=(

my father just shoot me down by saying:

why other people can do it, and you cant?

I'm weak,

I'm too choosy over everything...

sorry..

never had any good sleep at here,

each night i will just make myself very tired before i went up...

i will even wait each and everyone inside the house off light before i sleep..

really tired..

hate myself for making myself this tired just to get some rest..

i miss my bedroom so much....

when there is no people around me..

i become so tired till i don't wanna open my mouth..

my hand shiver when i try to lift up the cup to drink water..........

every night i feel myself like a vampire..

waiting the dark sky to turn brighter..

in the end,

i become too tired till i lazy wanna attend the classes..