forget

there are a stupid thing happen to me
i keep thinking of something that will never going to happen..
maybe this is never going to happen,
so i imaginative it everyday..

sometime, how i wish that,
whatever thing that i imagine will going to be come true
but if it really come true,
I'm afraid i don't have the doubt to accept the fact..
so better everything are live in my imagination world

i still have the thinking that I'm not good enough,
in friendship, i still think that i really not good enough to become a friend..
compare to other, i don't know what is the point I'm here be a friend with them?
causing trouble? step myself into something that is not related with me..
i am not good enough to be a friend to everyone,
trying to improve myself but then i failed..
i failed to do so..
whatever thing had happen, i seem to be the last to know

I'm a failure after all..
like what he said to me from the start..
i never done a thing good..
there are time I've been thinking,
what is the point I'm standing on this earth..
i cant find a life of my own...


LOVE?
everyone desire to have one??
everyone wanted to own one..
a feeling that make you alive?
a feeling that make you feel you are not alone?
sometime i feel that love is a stupid thing..
maybe i don't have the criteria to love and to be love..
but love really need a lot of courage if you wanted to be love
i don't have those..
i still don't think I'm ready to be in a relationship...
and i have no commitment into love
(no one is there either)

god,
i blog it out,
just because, i wanted to forget everything
show me a path, that will lead to my life...

whenever i wake up everyday,
ALONE again,
alone sometime feel sucks,
especially at here,
the feeling of alone grew a lot more stronger...
why there are time i dislike to talked?
no one there wanted to listen
and I'm the one who be blamed, I'm not the type who easily tell out loud all my feeling
even if i tell,
sometime it really feel pain to see other people react with what i tell..
they never concern or bother at all..
i never blame them, is not their fault,
talk till the end, this is my problem..
none of their business also...

maybe in other people mind..
I'm the happy go lucky one,
I'm the joker..
this have to thanks to my brother a lot,
to make that other think that i look like you
sometime, i do hope i am you
maybe you have trouble?
but whatever thing that i can see at you
seems so good..
deeply addicted into gaming world,
have bunch of joker friends
at home,
you seems to be more important...
day have past,
the longer i stayed here,
i lost?
don't have thing to be talked to with my family..
went home is just to sleep for whole day
i wonder how you can create such a lot of thing to be say with other..
really really jealous of you..
really really hope can be half like you



online,
facebook~ing and blogging is the only thing i can do..
scared of disturb other in msn..


i view my phone,
a stupid remainder,
hoping that the person will sms me, but....
hoping that they will call me, but...
we use to sms a lot in past,
is that the way i sms you in a certain period scared you?


the only thing,
that entertained me is the cubic
a thing that i can really concentrate on and forget bout those feeling of ALONE

am i slowly being forgotten by others?
my fault for not putting effort for everyone to remember me?

'will you going to notice me? my feeling?'