hated to talk...

tired to talk..

lazy to talk..

maybe i observe a lot of thing by keeping myself silent...

i learn a lot of things...

i realize a lot of things...

for them,

i realize that, i really invisible..

there are things that i requested before...

but because i am I..

therefore, a lot of things..

they wouldn't help at all....

but if other requested the same thing..

it wouldn't be the same..

people willing to even go to others house,

just to help them settle it..

maybe i have no value for them to do so..

maybe i not worth for people to do so..

by the way, i did not requested people to come to my house and fix my problem..

i can go to find you..

but the rejecting message you gave to me..

make me realize

and wake up

it's cruel...

why people love to treated me in this way?

is this because i use this way to treating all of you?

i am also a human??~~

i also have feeling~~~

hurting me, you think the scar is not as deep as other girls out there?

because i does not look like a girl?

because i am not pretty/cute/attractive?

they form a gang with me but i am being isolated

from small till now still the same...

talk in group they included me inside

but when if there is something happen..

people won't call me if there is nothing important

i am the transportation..

just like sms~ing?

my phone had die since i came here...

did not have much purpose except for calling me go meeting

that's all...

even if i sms you..

you feel weird??!!

therefore..

i think i choose the right path by avoiding..

a change...

since I'm not so important,

i make no different in this society

多我一个不多，少我一个也不少。

they are happily laughing..

every question by me being ignored..

I've became more invisible

every comment by me,

easily unseen by others..

i have no intention

to blame anyone..

maybe i am the reason

that causes things that happen now...

by the way,

i need to say thank you to my housemates

they might don't know..

but they really lighten up my days these few days...

love you all~~~

the more i wanted it..

the more it get away from me..

personality?

today,

went for management studies class..

teacher seems in a very good mood today, different from the previous days..

she talked a lot.. and everyone in the class happily laughing with each others...

she point out a question, making me in deep thinking...

what actually is your personality?

she asked all of us to go home and take personality test..

i wonder,

me myself cant understand myself..

how am i going to answer all those question about me?

listening to a songs

Yellow by Coldplay..

the starting of the song is something like this,

Look at the stars, Look how the shine for you...

I'm looking at the star everyday..

will there be a star shine for me when i left?

will there be a place for me?

i wanted to make something, before i left this world..

so that,

i will be remember as ME

not as some one else...

and still, talk is forever easier than doing so...

I've been thinking when will i going to change back my old account

maybe~~~

until i be able to control my emotion

and tear wont flow out easily..

count up until now..

4times...

Avoiding

i changed my blog link..

this few days will be the hard time for me i guess..

i need to re-looked back of what actually is me..

until I'll be able to calm down and smile back..

i will change back my blog link

too many people reading..

i mean too many people that i concern is reading...

maybe i don't want them to think that i am insane or what..

or seeking for others care and attention?

i don't know??!!!

i have adapted posting my stuff at here,

so i have no choice but just change blog link..

when i remain silent,

there is a lot of time, i bared hard to hold my tears not to flow out..

just feel wanna cry anytime..

for them, i maybe thinking too much and this is self bring problem..

but i just don't know why i will feel like this...

i spend lots of money recently

feeling so damn fun spending money...

the moment i can concentrate looking at those unliving material and

forget bout others things...

i change my bed location to the living room..

maybe i afraid of talking to people

afraid that i will hurt them..

or

i afraid that they will see me in tears..

alone sleeping at this big living room

remind me of my room back then..

a place where i can lock myself and cry alone...

i really afraid

afraid that people will know..

afraid that i will losing something which i treasure..

everything seems to be very far away from me..

leaving me~~~

and

still the same..

i cant helped myself to cry in front of laptop again...

headache~ing

I'm searching for a reason

to ignore

to avoid

to get away

from you

...

i have no place to go except here...

i cant believe what i did just now..

i cant remember whether i get into sleep or not...

for sure..

i cried to sleep

wake up crying again...

I've try to motivate myself everyday..

but is getting harder and harder...

and i end up writing all this again...

yesterday,

i saw something flying at the sky

i thought i saw something wrong..

until she tell me, there is meteor shower occur this few days..

i only manage to see few,

one or two,

and my eye now in pain because of the light street...

cant believe that i sit alone and watch it for hour i guess...

should i make a wish?

i cant think of any wishes that i wants

maybe there is a lot of things that i wants..

so if wanna choose one between those,

i rather choose not to wish anythings

since my wishes never come true...

silly to believe in something which can never be reality...

i can feel the total loneliness when i was out there...

just now,

i think of doing thats again...

the things which i have put down two year ago..

came across to my mind again...

tonight is such a long long night~~~

it never happen,

everything is just a lied.

i am human

haih~~

too many incident happen recently

making me hard to get to sleep right now

I'm trying to make my eye tired,

so i can easily went to sleep without thinking so much....

afraid that, i will think too far away..

even now,

I'm thinking far away,

can't help myself to go out and cry...

i am so damn sad..

friends ask me what happen,

but i cant explain to them in word..

it was like, not their problem,

why should i tell them..

sleeping in worried making me nervous everyday..

even going out,

i will think of lots of things..

too many things to concern...

i wander why people love to link me with others....

there forever going to me and some one else..

and there is no me...

if others are not existed, means I'm not invisible in others people eye...

will there be a people will remember me because of me

and not because of others..

TT

sad

pain within my heart

when will it gone...

for your information,

i am also a human...

same? different?

the moment when you felt you done something right..

that actually is the moment you make a big mistake of your life

I've done a lot of mistake every single days as i live on

the problem is,

the mistake that I've done,

i will not face it..

the reason of my ignorance to face this maybe because i am afraid

afraid of being rejected

humiliating..

i've try to do all my best as i could..

but i still cant control my anger and my attitude...

making everyone around me feeling so uncomfortable with me,

and the result?

misunderstood occured..

maybe this one

can wake me up..

a lesson to me,

dont throwing out shit anytime as i like..

everyone have a feeling..

therefore,

between you and me..

maybe the very next day, we will talked again..

but for sure is,

it will never going to be the same again...

the guiltiness within me,

telling me to control myself

so

you will not get hurt by me

again..

life is not been that easy,

everyone worked so hard..

just to survive in this society..

im just wandering,

how come there are some still can enjoy while other have to suffer for them?

life is never been fair..

but if the life is getting fair, will we appreciate it?

just like i enjoy sleeping so much..

because i work hard to sleep

just to get into a good and long sleep without any disturbances..

people back then does not know..

i really worked hard..

worked so damn hard to be still standing at here...

although the result were not so good as other expected..

but at least,

i enjoy the process..

this will be the 4 years life of me starting from now..

maybe it will be a disasterious life ever..

but in future,

it will be a great experience and memories

keep it up KOK WAI YIN...

Double Faced

what i can say?

ever since i know you

i already know you are this type of people..

but i just bared it and continue my life

without you disturbing mine

and i disturbing you..

but i never thought that you will really go and talk bad behind me

while in front of me..

you acted like an angel..

treating all my friend so damn good..

i really don't understand what is your problem..

other's people say that they did not understand you

but i don't feel like that..

every single move of you

is like under my prediction..

just waiting it to happen only..

maybe starting from now onward..

i will never trusted you again...

just do whatever thing you like..

and you

what the fuck wrong happen to you!!!

i never step on the fucking back tail of you

did not even throw any shit in front of you

and you keep on showing me this kind of fucking assie face?

what the fuck!!

sorry..

i cant help myself from saying all this things..

a lot of thing you done to me..

i did not even say or complain a words..

i can be said as a very considerate human for you already..

letting you own all the things which i have part to share..

the thing i hated so much.. i even let you do

and now..

you stepping my on head even further..

you are such a fucking asshole..

yea you are a good people, everyone love you more than me...

i know i know..

and i am the bad people complaining at here...

fuck!!