yeah i realize how evil my mouth would be..

i started to talk lesser to certain people..

reason is afraid i cant control my evil language and would hurt their little heart..

im not teasing them, i know how evil i can be..

there is some rules when i talk..

i realize how cruel i am sometimes..

i hate to repeat, if that people keep don't wanna listen to it..

ask me to talk it back, i will said, nothing nothing..

not i hate to repeat, is just that, there are things i wanna share it out,

but when you ignore the moment i wanna talk and talk bout other stuff,

the feeling or the importance of the things i wanna share out just then, gone..

i also realize how un-important i am..

what for i wanna force myself to talk.. or to make a conversation lively..

people wouldnt care what crap i talk..

i better talk to myself more rather than talk to others..

since im not that important anyway..

i observe how other treat others and how they treat it back to me..

totally felt dejected..

you wanna me to understand your feeling but none of you did the same to me!

you hate explanation from me, fine..

i started not to explain anymore,

it feel sucks! when i try to explain and you keep reject to hear it..

when i start not to explain, or talk lesser..

the conversation turn weird..

i don't know how to explain this situation..

it felt as if im the one who ruined the whole conversation

maybe i hate myself so much..

it felt like you deserve other friend who can understand you more than me..

you need other but not me..

and since whatever i talk now sound not important..

fine.. i will not talk more starting from now..

my mentally state now is really really really worst since the previous two exam..

i can burst to tear any moment,

i try not to talk much, in case i suddenly drop few of my tears and freak others..

i hide myself, just don't wanna let others see how down i am now..

but then,

i thought that going out awhile will be better than staying inside my room..

eat something and chat happily since i never ate anything for two days..

see lot of happy people in street better than face computer alone...

i never thought thing will be end up like this...

for you, i am addressed at 'other people' rather than 'friend'...

this just prove everything..

it prove what i thought what other's thought bout me is truth..

im sorry that i am your friend..

sorry that you had to be my friend..

sorry to force you to be my friend..

after so long only now i realize how evil i am to everyone..

how suck i am playing a role as a friend to everyone..

the sucker-face me should just disappeared from your eyesight..

maybe i just suit to talk with computer rather than human..

im sucks at handling people emotions.. sucks at talking with human..

*big sigh~*

since previous incident and now,

i really think that their world will be better without me...

i am not angry..

i am not pissed as well.

i just disappointed with myself..

how failed i am to be a human..

if anything that happen, it is my fault..

till now, i don't think i done anything good..

to anyone, to the world..

what am i...

i don't even had to authority to ask someone to accompany awhile,

talk to me for awhile..

they just reject me while i need them the most..

sick of it..

seriously, what am i to you...

what am i to myself..