why i disable everything?

due to what happen last week,

how she treated me,

yeah, heart totally felt dejected..

this is me, how easily i am being influenced by others..

now, i really thought that whatever i said will make others pissed..

rather than making other felt pissed,

i try into disabled-mode

now i can control myself not to simply type and press enter..

plus, less notification.. make me can concentrate more on other stuff rather than making me waiting or expecting something from my friends..

disable comment is i afraid of criticism..

and also, i don't wanna receive any comment from you...

for you,

i am not pissed.. i just feel im not worth to be your friends..

you need a boyfriend rather than a friend i guess..

there is some reason why i dislike going out with friends who have boyfriend..

is not like being the torchlight or lightstand..

is how the way you ignore your friends..

plus, if any arguement happen,

there, you have your boyfriend backup you..

you can act as 'barbaric'? or rude?

because you are 'authorized' to do so..

well then,

maybe im narrow minded,

sorry..

first few time, i still can accept it..

but more than that? i guess im too far away from you...

is like im forcing myself to make you accept me into your life as a friend

while till now, you still address me as 'other people'

this few day, i really had a damn serious thought of ending everything that will relate me with you

since more time spend together will lead to unhappiness,

i dont have the damn courage to do so..

now everything that i do is avoiding from the fact that will come soon..

~.~

i make my life is so damn pathetic Orz