World of Critics

Once you walk out from your room~

you entered the world of Critics..

i really really admire those who can live alone, be independent and ignore all those criticizer

and just be who they are..

i just cant be the way i wanted anymore..

critics really affect me very very much..

i can think bout the critics almost everyday till i really improved or what..

just like previously when my uncle critics on my spectacle looks like auntie,

every time i go out with him,

i will not wear spectacle anymore..

it sound like I'm someone who acted to be what others want me to be..

yes i am..

till now, i can conclude people at here accept the one of me who looks cool, sleepy and arrogant..

maybe i should just live in that way...

or maybe i should just learn to accept critics,

and learn ways to rejects other critics..

********

that is the reason why i don't wanna tell others what actually on my mind and how i feel..

i am now super super afraid..

whenever I'm with the one,

i feel insecure as if that one will see through me..

or tell others...

i really really tired thinking lots of things..

i cant stop my mind from thinking those thing..

there many time i nearly burst into tears..

i keep control it,

because of what others people think of me again..

'strong' people like me shouldn't shed tears..

lock the door,

and just be who am i inside my little room

***********

one problem i wanna get rid is cough..

previously i love to cough..

this is the 1st time i ever get such serious cough..

i woke up to cough every middle of the night..

cough till vomit..

not really vomit, i swallow it back =.=

guess that i really should buy some medicine or consult a doctor if worst..

less talking to control cough..

i really really down..

i wanna go to home

hugs all my pillow... T-T

i want to sleep

pressure at here too high..

though din't have anything to do,

i rather spend two more hour awake till 4am+ and get to bed..

sleep longer make me feel guilty..

one day sleep already making me feeling so guilty =(

sigh..

T_T