rejection

i never or didn't have the gut to share everything about me to people..

i am too afraid people might leave me alone when they knew too much about me..

but..

rejection from other to listen to me is the most horrible thing to be face..

just now,

keep being reject to be listen when i was trying to voice out..

rejection make me feel as if I'm not important..

people make me feel unsafe..

I'm making myself feeling unsafe with people..

i am afraid of anything and everything..

this is what people never felt because they never been neglected by someone whom they wish they will not be neglect with..

or i should say,

they are too like-able by their friends,

that why, they owned the power to reject to listen others..

I'm just needed to approve what you said..

my point keep being reject...

never mind,

i grown up most through rejection..

******

though you making me felt stupid..

i still cant motivate myself to prove that i need not to follow your tail around..

sigh..

can't believe it..

i have to learn to control my attitude and anger

and learn to low down the head and listen..

tell myself every single time,

don't argue.. don't argue..

just follow, just follow.

but in the end,

i still burst out everything i feel..

i am really weak in controlling my fucking emotional intelligence..

damn..

damn me..

damn the weak me..

oh damn..

i am so down...

frust

stress

my mind feel nothing..

i can't even sleep..

fuck!

T_T

****

why people keep asking bout it??

it make me feel that i am really not friendly to be friend with

though i know that's the fact which i don't want to admit..

==

i don't know what's wrong..

maybe the problem come from me..

i am born to be a little bit cool aka lansi..

but for sure is..

i am 100% sure that i am not LESBIAN..

please don't touch this kind of sensitive issue..

i damn fucking hate it..

making me so speechless and embarrassed in the same time..

what you all wanna know??

i tell truly there is no one,

ya..

never been a single person came to me personally..

did i wish for it??

yes! previously, i do expect very very much

but the expectation some how grew to be lesser and lesser..

as many people told the truth of me that i am hard to be talk to..

i am not pretty

i am not good

and bla bla bla..

but i didn't mean wanna blame them,

they just wake me up from fantasy to realize the cruel and how realistic the people are..

making me feeling so scare and embarrassed with myself as i feel i don't deserve to be..

till now, when people trying to say something good,

it just make me feel like they are just trying to make me feel better...

and that's make all the expectation grew lesser and more lesser...

did i found someone?

yes.. i do found someone i like,

should say several.. xD

was waiting him to make the move,

but he never =..=

but it's okay,

at least he still stay perfect in my imagination

and as time gone,

those feeling gone as well..

friend,

i wasn't trying to blame you all..

my expectation is high maybe..

too many fantasy lead me to this=..=

anyway,

i appreciate your concern..

please continue give your positive comment on me,

so i can still improve myself before the right one found me..

and one more important thing i wanna mention is..

I AM NOT DESPERATE

-the end-