harder and harder

feels so damn down and life at here is like hell.. after reading a post from my friend, whatever stuff that written there really make me have to agree with it..
I'm wake up every morning without aim or whatever stuff.. just have to go attend the class if not will be barred from taking exam..
i feel that it is getting harder and harder for me...
i cant find a course mates as friends, even if i found one, they still ignoring me..
whatever things that lecturer crap in front seems cant get into my ear or link it to my brain.. then i started to think that am i choosing a wrong course?
too many things to concern,
too many things to be done..

it is like I'm starting out again from the bottom with nothing,
i talk less and listen more recently..
i hate to go out, and since that day, where i cheated for my meal and even get scolded for it.. i promised myself not to bother anyone to help me...

zzz!! i really need help with my homework, i found my group member during lecture classes, but all of them ignoring me, coz they came together as friends or housemates..
the lecturer tell us to download all the study material ownselves, i load to the website given, and the material not even uploaded.. zzz!! how am i going to study? i need to study harder and harder as i see mostly ppl that sit beside me, seems to understand what the lecturer teaching.. but then how the heck am i going to study? i got comp with limited Internet connection( i borrow line from my brother house and it keeps dc) and the studies material not even uploaded..
at the whole lecture class, i think I'm the only one who alone, aimless..
fuck it, this make me so damm regretted coming here, i wish i was working right now, working i can be friends with every single workmates less than 1 hour.. I'm here for 3 days for classes, and i still lost..

the most stress out things is my housemates, they seems to know everything bout their studies thing, and until now, I'm still lost and don't know why am i here...
they talk bout things that i don't understands... its quite hard, very hard....

i still cant find a path at here that lead me to the light..
so damm fucking pissed with my life at here..
always in worried and left alone at house...

i cant sleep,
i keep stomachache here..
i cant eat well...
group members ignored me,
course members ignored me...
my brother ignored me,
my health ignoring me also..
ZZZz!! i wanted to go home..

i guess life is not like what we always seen in tv programmes