what i'm doing now is it the best choice i can choose now?
sigh
this question had been bothering me
am i making the right decision of choosing the path for becoming what am i today?
all those question that i keep questioning myself is it indicate that i am regretting now?
my biggest problem..
i don't know how to communicate with people regarding my problems
the truth is
i'm scare
i'm sad
lots of thing keep twisting in my brain and i feel sick of it
i feel like crying now T^T
what can i do?
what should i do?
Thursday, December 29, 2011
read a post from my friend remind me that im getting old i've been in this world for twenty one years old achieve nothing and had no specifically skills which i can be proud of living in a super normal life, studying for half of the age but i still felt stupid
one thing that make me feel bless is im not living in poverty
talk something with my friend and it really does reflect and show how stupid i am had a deep thought of it geez, why does it will affect my emotion but then, it felt kinda relieve after talking bout it if i keep think of it, my expectation will grew higher and higher... and in the end, i make the final decision fine! just stop thinking bout it for now, it might be another memory for me to be remember in future
the year of 2011 going to end soon real soon im going to hide myself from the world! bye~
questions of the year: 1. y u still __________? 2. there is no ________?
Christmas just ended few days ago, i had a good time chatting with some friends of mine talking about anything to nothing except for something which i dislike and everything just turn awkward in a sudden *friend i apologize of my sudden rudeness, i did that because i hate it if people bring out this issues in public*
i may love to request a lot in front of you i hope you can do this, i wish you can do that but in fact, I'm not most of the time, I'm just saying it just to make a chit chat topic but not with my bbf of course.. i really expect my bbf will do it.. :P learn not to make blank promises learn not to give other pressure with those 'wants' i wish to get from them
i make mistake, though i knew part of it is not my mistake i just admit it to prevent further argument.. i hate to look at myself in anger i hate myself when i start to talk back in anger.. i dislike myself behave like a bitch is not that I'm pretending to be goodmannerorinnocent baby. just nod, smile and say sorry.. learn to control my anger aka anger management
my parent dislike me spending money on those unnecessary stuff such as cleansing foam yeah, i never use cleansing foam/facial in home, just wash with plain water or soap? for them, it is unnecessary to clean your face with those stuff, if your face turn uglier (with pimples and or dark spot) they simply put on blame on that facial stuff.. LOL this is my mama, kinda cute what i wanna buy they will say NO so most of the things i want to buy is still on the wanted list thanks to them, i save a lot sometime when think back, i maybe does not need those stuff learn to control my eager to buy things learn to differentiate needs and wants..
i dump my friends a lot most of my friends, I'm not the one who will take the first move to say hello maybe i should change that and start saying hello learn to be extrovert instead of introvert learn to use verbal instead of nonverbal communication
learn not to look down on myself instead of saying i can't or I'm not tried saying now you're not/can't but not in future
people who know this, i guess only one.. i run away instead of facing it.. if it give the feeling of insecure and make me want to run away is it indicate that i hate it? or im just not prepare for it.. learn to accept learn not to avoid learn a proper way to avoid.. LOL till now i still avoiding it, this is totally creepy =.= i know I'm bad I'm still living in my own world world that won't give me hurt and everything is under my control. i am not prepare to step out from my own world yet.
learn to in love with tea this is random haha i heard that tea can help to reduce weight i keep eat and eat non-stop since the sem break start met with lots of relatives and friends all of them said: 'wow thin dy, kampar no food eat?' i don't know i should believe it or not whether i really thin or is just a sentences to say instead of hello my face is getting chubbier and the pants is getting tighter symptom of getting fat.. i need to be more thinner every year resolution to be thin but i failed... is a good thing of going internship alone, i wanna make a huge makeover if possible LOL (at least thinner) trying to avoid seeing my friends this five months, see what will they said to me after five month xD
learn to dress well i think i need to improve in this since i born till now, i don't have any fashion sense though i love to see how well people dress when it come to buying cloth to myself i epic-ly failed should i find someone to blame? xD yeap my parent again of course, they keep giving me the impression that our family are actually poor we are so damn poor that i couldn't buy a shirt which is expensive than rm15 we are so damn poor that i couldn't buy a pant which is expensive than rm30 but now everything changes, we have e-commerce, lots of online shop with cheap deal... but then, even i bought those awesome apparel that definitely make yourjawdrops i couldn't wear out, i still prefer t-shirts and pants well then just forget bout this, stick back to t-shirts and pants.. :P by the way, we are still poor Orz
with all this so many things to learn i take it all as resolution of the upcoming years
end this post with a song from The Click Five that promoting awareness about human traffic love them
Thursday, December 22, 2011
superstitious me everytime looking at the clock it would be double same
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a friend tell me that my blog is dull is even more dull with those sleepinggenretype songs i change it, but with only a songs.. zzz i cant add in songs in it, i dont know why
okay the purpose of blogging today ain't suppose to talk bout this but internship stuff had been keep making me so frust other's seems happy and satisfied leaving school for internship while me.. erm, i don't know what to say
i choose alone go interview to a company why?! most of my classmate all decided not to intern some who are lucky enough to be born at big city, can intern at company near them my parent keep said i am stupid enough to go alone i was thinking, when i grew up later, i was suppose to go alone also, what is the different? the most stupid thing i had to admit is letting go the other opportunity sigh, not to mention bout it anymore...
at first i suppose to feel relieve.. aaah~ finally there is a company willing to hire me but now, intern at a Ipoh is not easy.. no transportation, u die people keep telling me the public transportation is not as punctual as those in kl no accommodation yet, next week gonna start my job, and i haven't found a place for me to sleep the place i wanna go, my parent wouldn't allow the place my parent want me to go, i don't feel like going.. urgh!
i don't wanna trouble other relative or friends my face is not that thick enough one week is already enough killing my pride.. my parent keep want the best for me as what they said, im a girl, that is the real problem..
if keeping me safe till the end, when would i be able to grow? just like driving car.. keep did not let me drive it, now, i feel like a loser and you keep saying is my fault for not drive it out and now keep pushing me to drive ==
im not saying that is my parent fault for all this mess.. most of it is my fault too for too obedient (LOL wtf is it?) whatever things had come to here and i need to think of things to clear it up
this saturday and sunday gonna spend a day trip to there to search for room
sigh~
i am too tired to enjoy my holiday after i came back to home
all i wanna do is just lay down and sleep
enjoy reading my books with music i like with a cup of hot drinks
online and watching video from facebook and youtube
i just love to stay at home silently without disturbance
Last night at here.. gonna miss everything at here for 5months
the first thing the foods <3 nasi lemak
the second things my friends :D im gonna superdupermissingyoualllikehell please miss me too 5month times, we gonna meet up again each of us must turn pretty and handsome^^
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some random picture
the before and the after
i use a total of 3hour plus to clean plus packing pack all those stuff in need for 5 months 2 years at here, and i accumulate damn lots of rubbish #tiredlikehell
the last picture snap yesterday while reading for the last paper ah ah~
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can't believe that it had been two year plus i stayed here time flew fast when i start to enjoyed it i still remember how much i hate everything at here during the 1st year :) think back, i had been silly i had been crazy i had been moody i had been happy i had been touch every emotion that mix up and make me up what i am today and yeah, im slowly in love with what i am doing now so in love with everything at here :3 thank you
i stay real in my little own world created by me...
my whispers turn to shouting,
the shouting turns to tears...
your tears turn into laughter,
and it takes away our tears...
