I Miss Diamond Bay?

as time pass..

i've been staying here for more than 2 weeks...

maybe is been too long i never chat with my mum..

yesterday, when i called back..

she tell me that,

i nearly will never see her in life again..

she fall sick and fainted at the bathroom for hours till she wake up her own...

and no one realize that,

maybe because of my brothers and father that hate to stick at house..

making my mother feel lonely all the times..

i really don't know what i can do or said to you through phone..

but

Take Care..

i never stayed at here for such a long period..

it was fun

and tiring...

everything have to be settle by own..

but i still need accompany by my friends..

every weekend will be the nightmare..

starting assignment~ing unstop

will the work can be settle by time??..

everyone worked so damn hard just to finish the job..

unfair?

or is me who did not really believe in other's capability?

staying at here,

really tiring..

have to live together with the sound of alarm clock that wake me up every morning..

nightmare..

everyday have to force myself thinking of those

unfinished works..

unwashed cloths..

i wanted to sleep without disturb from anythings~~

T.T

i just miss my home

miss my bed

miss my pillows

miss my blanket

miss my TV

missing every single things

I Miss Diamond Bay

I Miss SS~ing at my home

I Miss The Old Me

Suddenly I Miss U so much><

Take Care

see you soon if possible

I Miss SS~ing at FastFood Shop

I Miss Those days~

where i need not have to worried bout the fucking homework

I Miss going Lepak~ing

although i did not do that frequently

taking a deep breath

and continue the work^^

the reason of ignorance of her

is because

she is afraid that she will fell in love with her?

Joy of Christmas

recently,

i had a very hard time..

maybe is the effect of thinking too much..

or maybe is the effect of doing too many bad stuff..

treating other badly making me feeling so guilty..

just today..

i receive a present from my house mate..

this present really mean a lot for me...

especially during this time..

nearly burst into tear when i saw the notes..

i feel so warm..

i don't know what is the true meaning behind Christmas...

but for me

it mean accepting, giving and forgiving..

accepting..

everything of you..

the bad and good of you

look at other perceptions,

maybe i can see through something different from you

giving..

give all out for you..

try as hard as possible to help you

maybe sometime,

you cant sense or felt that i had helped you before..

but at least

when you at the hard time,

i was there by your side before..

maybe some days,

you might forget...

but at least..

now, i think it worth for me to do so...

forgiving..

forgive all the things that you make me upset before..

forgive everything..

just forgive...

and

hopefully

our friendship

will last forever..

merry Christmas my dear friends..

i really appreciate everyone of you...

for the everything that you had done to me..

I LOVE YOU...

i love this

the first of my life time,

i receive something hand-make present..

some more is Christmas present^^

p/s: i value you too^^

failed

at the end..

i failed again..

just like what happen yesterday

I'm not aiming to be a perfectionism..

but

the effort which i put on..

seems like being throw into the dustbin...

mind feel so blank yet so full...

i cant remember any single things...

so sad..

i can feel the pain deep inside..

why should we live life for study everyday?

i really afraid of the word FAIL

ever since i came here..

too much unsolved problem..

can i settle it all?

too much conflict..

will it end?

too many people hurts..

will it recover?

on the way back home,

i saw lots of people celebrating their days..

next to my house,

i saw them happily playing with friends

and i wonder..

if i am here, would anyone came to me?

finally i can get into sleep without worries for a night..

assignment and test

making me sleepless this few days..

i wanted to get into sleep right now...

i don't want to think of all those things that burden me..

let me rest in peace for a night...

and tomorrow..

life goes on~~

night bloggie..

CS~ing everyday

killing people making me feeling so alive

XD

what does it feel like

what does it feel like to be left completely alone,

what does it feel like to be ignored all the time,

what does it feel like to be rejected all the time,

what does it feel like to living in darkness all the time.

what does it feel like,

when you want at least some one beside you,

you realize, you cant find anyone..

what does it feel like,

when you see others live their life to the max

while you live to the zero

saying all this, thinking all this thing

will only make yourself hurt..

as everyone is happily enjoying time with friends..

chatting...

played their roles as a good student..

here i am again..

third time in less than 24hours...

stepping leg outside the world alone,

need courage,

which i haven't own it yet..

it is not easy to continue..

every night

whenever I'm alone at here, i will started to wander what is the point for me to keep holding on

my hand started to tremble

and eye feel so pain, as the tear were trying to out...

when will all this end....

i keep tell myself do not bother bout this topic so much..

but whenever people start talking bout it..

i will feel pain deep inside my heart..

although they never ask anything bout my life before..

but

just hearing other people stories will make me flew far away from reality

those bad images keep displaying..

until now,

i cant and don't know how to flash back the good memories of mine

everything seems vanish one by one as day passes...

i never mention out doesn't mean I'm happy

i never mention out doesn't mean I'm brave

doesn't mean i am incredible

doesn't mean i wont drop my tears

doesn't mean i can do everything..

doesn't mean i don't want care from you

but at the end..

i mean nothing to you

when i talk thing bout me..

people thought i crazy

when i talk less bout me

people thought i am arrogant

i wonder..

i can stand how long before i collapse

i wonder..

am i the extra of life?

i wonder..

how come their relationship is so good?

is it the cause and effect of boycotting other?

I'm receiving the effect?

by the way,

if you laughing how stupid am i writing all this crap

please get lost from here...

as i like how i wanna spend my time writing this crap

i hate this

hate to see this

hate to heard this

hate to feel this

hate it

hate it

i hate it..

just hate for whatever things that happen recently

when think back

i feel that i was such a jerk, keep shitting.. fucking around..

i am so superb-extremely bad!!

everything start from me..

i am the one who influence other to do bad things..

i am the one who make other to it..

making everyone feel so damn awkward

i just hate the way i am...

i hate

i jealous

i angry

i am fukerlism..

this is so damn funny~~

i am the one who start it..

but i am blogging bout this everyday

whining bout this..

i hope this semester end quickly end..

ahhh...

i am so damn tired and i have so many shit inside my heart that did not dare to speak out

i wanna some one to scold me

tell me that i am a jerk

i had done wrong

please don't support or back up me

for everything that I've done...

the best moment is

when i said nothing at all...

this will be the

best solution...

finally

ahhh~~

finally i can back to the net world..

looks like,

i cant live without the INTERNET

this few days,

rushing assignment in my house with my classmates

three days and two nights..

staying under the same roof

sleep less than 5 hours a day..

at first,

it is quite a disaster starting..

after a heavy rain, suddenly i cant get the connection..

i feel totally sorry for my classmate,

as everyone came with all the equipment..

but at least we manage can do something...

it was a interesting experience to spend two nights with them..

^^

*******************************************************************************

i really don't know how to face you anymore...

to say that i hate you, actually im not..

to say that i like you, i cant be said so anymore..

i really feel guilty for letting everything become like this

but i dint feel like wanna mending it back..

just let it be like this..

maybe this is the good for me... and you

midterm test is around the corner..

some i did quite well and some were so so~~

blame on me that did not spend so much time on revising..

tired

is started to getting more and more tired

i met my friend that successfully can step their legs into the local university..

i was totally jealous with their study life at there..

it seems so simples,

and need not have to study till gila like me..

just because the government wanna protect their races..><

some times..

I'm getting breathless..

feel like fainting down anytime...

Christmas is coming soon

everyone plan lots of thing..

what should i do?

planning to go back home and sleep whole day again...

or go to somewhere else? but finance problem really headache~ing..

maybe just sleep...

since, that is the only day i can rest my body..

the following week until the week of Christmas..

I'm gonna have sleepless night almost everyday i guess..

rushing for assignment and presentation..

although some work had start earlier compare to the last semester

but the work seems unfinished..

last week, i plan for everything..

but plan dint work well..

i hope i can finish all this by schedule..

i wanna upload some picture..

next time...

bye~~

i snore

I'm sleepy

short blog

money flow out fast..
i had spend lots of money this week..
i eat like a king!!
is time to control my budget..

started to think back.
is it my fault for the ignorance?
i just don't understand why..
I'm a Bad Bad Girl...

i never hate you
if i really hate you
i hate myself more than hating you..

people that didn't know..
will never understand
just like i never understand you
so i will never know what you want..
i keep on forcing other to accept what i want
and never consider
what actually other's want what..
being selfish can protect and satisfy yourself
but it will hurt others
just like if there is an in,
there surly have an out..

i want other to know about me
but i never get know to other
is this the reason of the ignorance of you?
i never keep secret
i talked without think twice
is this the reason you avoiding me?
i keep on talking bad bout you
i stabbed your back
is this the reason you hate me?



i never wanted anyone to concern bout me
i just shared out what i feel
and what i want only

i never beg for more

as long as you are happy

than it is more than enough