comparing

love is such a weird thing..
the thing i wouldn't expected will happen
the thing i expected are differ from what i thought
anyway.. good luck to:
those who are searching for the right one
those who are in the loving mode

OK the main thing i wanna talked bout is comparing...
i like it when people take me to compare
love the feeling of comparing
especially if they comparing negatively bout me..
talking me bad till unexplainable..
my heart of course will feel pain..
but i just want to compare, and wanted to know what actually people think of me..
the more they think I'm a bad people, the happier i am...

compare me with him
he achieve all the glory that make everyone proud of...
sometime, i try to look at him when i pass his house.. i watch his room whether he is at the house or not..
plan wanna search him at his house, but don't know wanna talk what if i already at his house
ask bout homework?? he also have to study for his exam..
better be independent a bit...
today, the whole night, he is not here i guess..
the door are closed and the house light is off..
maybe he went to celebrating with his friend since his loan already approve..


and with she?
she always win it all..
i feel like a loser whenever I'm with her..
trying to win her? better not...


maybe this is just me..
rather be unimportant than important...
when I'm getting to be important, i will do something to make people ignore bout me...
i hate the attention..
but still i wish the person i hope for will look at me..

other people is no longer important...
feel sick and tired facing my life at here...
wish to gain back the confidence i used to have...
but it seems getting fading away as each day pass..

i really afraid of failing..
the result of me is so much differ from him..
maybe boy is clever than a girl...
i thought i can be at a same level as he is..
but..

haih should study harder from the start..
and yet, i keep procrastinate...
I've lazy for a day today..
tomorrow will be the day..
i hope i can give all out...
hope i can be able to finish it...



i remember a talk with a friend
which on my mind since i was small
'i wanted to end up my life,
just afraid that if i commit suicide, but cant die
and I'm still alive with broken arm or leg
or half paralyze at the bed..'
i think i cant bare it..
to see other have to suffer for a decision of life i want to end

if i have the courage to jump into the lake..
=]
-music save my life-