i aM so SoRrY

hmmm..
yesterday, i've chat with my old friends, quite happy to chat with her because it's been a long time we dint see each other or chat because of busy life style each of us had...

at 1st we are talking about the plan we are going to have after she come back in more than 1 week from now (OMG!! cant wait for the day><).. we talk a lots about hair styling, because she plan want to have a hair cut when she come back...haha.. cant wait to let her see my new hair style, will she be shocked?!! lolx (actually one of my old friends got a shocked when she come back from holiday, maybe this hair style really doesn't suit me[in her opinion])

then i ask her about a friend(erm let this friend known as A), i ask that did she still contacting A?
then my friends said that A called her during A's birthday, she said that she is so sad, that she are celebrating her birthday alone(I'm not sure whether she got cry or not).. at this moment i felt really sorry to A.. i spend two year close relationship with her, and i don't know starting from what time, i started to ignored her.. there are time i start to avoid her.. and i don't know why I'm doing such action?!!

sometimes think back, i think in these few years after i enter Form6, i changed a lots, is really A LOT..
there are time i feel like i love to control other peoples( i mean my friends).. i want them to follow the way i thinks... i become really fast get upsets and get really angry over small matter they do to me... i cant understand why i become like this...

the most upset thing is about A.. i don't know why i cant get back the feeling i used to have with her when we are still best friends, i said a lot of bad thing about her, and sometime i felt that i had betrayed her feeling that she gave to me.. i know that she already can felt that i am trying to avoiding her... maybe A got said something about me that i have change to my friend just now.. but i wont get angry, because i know that i am wrong...

i don't know what to do.. i know you have come back, but i dint dare to go out with you.. wait for my friends come back 1st, then, we celebrate A birthday together...

why i cant go out alone with A? i scare i have nothing to say, and A is a person that doesn't like to lied with me, i bet she sure bring up the issues that I'm avoiding her..

well all i can say is i am sorry A...
i cant say out sorry when facing you..
A doesn't know my blog page i think...
but i just really wanted to say sorry, maybe you cant hear it.. but i will show it!!!
but not now!!(what the hell am i trying to said here)

anyway all i wanted to say is sorry....
sorry to A
sorry to all my friends if i have treated you badly~~
and thank you..
thank you for understanding my attitude~~~
THANK YOU
T.T

this song really sing out the feeling i felt now.. every time i heard or think of this song, i think of all of my old friends.. and the lyric is all what i wan to said to them...
I'm really thinking of you? how are you? where are you? happy? or sad?
maybe i cant be by your side at the time you need me or you feel down? i hope when you listen to this song, you will know that, there are some one you know are thinking of you, don't give up!!!


最怕空气突然安静，
最怕朋友的关心
最怕回忆突然翻滚绞痛着不平息
最怕突然听到你的消息

想念如果会友声音
不愿那是悲伤的哭泣
时到如今终于然自己属于我自己
这是眼泪还骗不过自己

突然好想你，你会在哪里？过的快乐或委屈？
突然好想你 突然锋利的回忆
突然模糊的眼睛

我们像一首最美丽的歌曲
变成两部悲伤的电影
为什么你带我走过最难忘的旅行
然后留下最痛的纪念平~~~

我们那么甜那么美那么相信
那么疯那么热烈的曾经
为何我们还是要奔向各自的幸福和逾恨就老去~~