joke

telling me that you hated it..
all what i can see is you still cant let it go..
even though it is stupid,
you still bang your head into the wall,
and became the joke everyone around you...

you admitted it but refuse to face it..
all those words which seems so reality turn out to be a lied..

when i started to look good on you,
you created hate again...
maybe from the start,
i am the idiot one,
to believe in you...

i don't understand,
why people choose to end it..
but grieve for it every single days..
when you have it in your hand,
you hated it..
when you lose it,
you regretted for it..
maybe i should not complain so much in this,
as i have zero experience although i have lots of stories...

even though they keep telling others,
they are still the same like the last time..
but,
they change from worst to even worst...
when it started,
your eyes looking at the same direction and you started to ignore people around you..
when it end,
your eyes try to look at other direction but keep on looking at the back...
till now,
you are nothing but just walk a big round and went back to the direction,
where everything of this is started..

when it end,
they tell others,
they will not regret..
instead, they will live more happy than the others..
you failed to do so..
you create a miserable life of your own..
that is not the point..
you are also creating a JOKE of people around you..
people(just like me) mostly will not pity at you,
even if they really help you..
friends will only laugh at you stupidness..

wake up idiot..
in this time..
you have only three choices..
1. forget it and move on
(well i think you should forget bout this choices, since you have failed to do so from the first spot.. even if you said you can.. but in the end, you are still the same)
2. just tell that people how you feel
(instead of grieving and whining everyday, why don't you face to face tell the other how you really feel bout this issue? at least you got the answer)
3. FRIEND
(yep, continue be a friend and stop hoping for more)

it start from you telling you wanna be a friend..
so,
why don't you really be a friend?
hoping too much from the others and hoping them can be the one you wish too..
that is just your wish,
and not what other wanted from the first point??
they have tell you very OBVIOUSLY,
and you really don't have the power to keep on complaining bout it..
this is just so stupid...
even if you failed..
please blame no one but yourself..
we already tell you maybe not from the first spot..
but at least we told you so...


if you think that,
when you are giving and lending your hands,
and hoping others will did the same to you..

you are so wrong...

i choose to end it..

so even i am looking at it every time..

i will not complain bout it...

will you do the same?

when a No is a Yes,

when a Hate is a Like,

when Last actually is the First...

One Post

halo bloggie and me..

is been a week i abandon you...

actually lots of thing twisting in my mind..

im trying to solve the question one by one or maybe forget it perhaps??

forget it by listening to music

and of course,

drama~ing

song I'm listening recently including

• 刘力扬-礼物 and etc
• 农夫 - O'FAMA [Album's name]
• 熊宝贝乐团 - 年年 [Album's name]

刘力扬

oh yea..

i start to in love with her voice..

and her song's is fabulous..

nice song for K'oke~ing

in love with all the church carol..

maybe thanks to a little boy i discover from youtube..

Andrew Johnston...

his voice is so angelic..

every time he sing...

tears really drop from my eye...

T.T

i read some blog of my friends..

some of them wrote lots of theoretically life stuff and their opinion..

although what they wrote seems so cruel

but when think twice,

realize what they said really hit the nail on my brain...

but of course,

it depends on whom and how they apply all these theory..

who are we to judge and comment on all those complexity relation between human and oneself..

no matter how good are you..

you still cant judge which way is the best for one's to live..

a single comment killed a human life..

and forever you have to drag on living in guilty..

if you choose to ignore to help..

you will be end up alone~ing

the best thing is to choose to know nothing..

or tell nothing to some one if you know other can't help you to solve your problem...

last two semester was a bad bad semester..

things started to change when the brand new year came..

maybe i found a way to recover myself..

trying to be optimistic to face the ugly truth..

=]

i hate to face the truth...

i really hate it..

maybe this is my optimistic ways to face the truth...

when 'please' become a 'force'

it hurt and make me hate to look back..

it make me feel so breathless whenever i think of it..

a small mistake which grew so big as the time pass

when sorry make no different,

the only way is to reject it...

that is the only way,

as i never knew how to say sorry to others..

and i don't even know how to mend all those broken string between all those things that happen last time..

all i wish is,

a silent talk between you and me..

a smile between you and me...

and i am the stranger...

pain killer would not help to cure..

it just help you to forget the pain for awhile..

if you did not seek help from doctor,

in the end,

you will suffer even more pain...

try to forget it will make you pain even deeper...

no matter how hard is it..

family and friends is the first one to hold you to stand up...

help you to solve it...

i don't know when it start,

i hate to tell people what is my problem except blog it out..

maybe i prefer a middle person to tell to the others what is my problem

rather than face to face telling it...

by the way..

today is her birthday..

as each year pass,

people that we love to hang to leave and forget our birthday one by one...

less people love celebrating birthday...

maybe only me who thought so..

knew each other seems like so long but not very long,

ya..

thanks her for accompany me till today..

that's all..

i leave all those geli words for her BF to say.. XD

wish her all the best for the upcoming years..

and of course, hope that all of us can graduate together..

so if i being terminate or need a semester extension..

please accompany me.. =X

i cant think of anything to tell her anymore...

happy birthday...

yea~~

forever you are older than me~~

习惯到没感觉

Time

Since I am still a little kid,

all i wish from you is..

you will stop and look at us sometimes..

and as time grew..

it creates greater disappointed to everyone...

it had grew from worst to even worst..

till i don't know wanna how to speak it out..

3year seems so long away..

just wait 3 more year..

i hope i am able to stop all this things...

i will bring myself and you out of here....

just give me some times..

thank you for making me realize..

realize everything..

i had settle it..

i had set what i want from now on...

and i will demolish other needs..

just for the better tomorrow..

now i understand what is important

and what is not..

even what other have and i don't,

i won't complained anything bout it anymore...

i have everything which other child don't have..

what more i can wish for...

T.T

but i still hope..

you will stop...

my mind in blank when you tell me that..

I'm sorry i cant do any help other than just listen...

I'm so afraid i cant do it..

i afraid that i cant do it on time...

please continuously give me pressure....

bluff is easy

doing it is hard

Fast

when the time ticking too fast..

way too fast,

till i cant even have the time to respond to everything surround me

that is the moment i tend to done lots of mistakes..

a lot a lot of mistakes...

when i realize how many mistakes I've done..

the time pause..

it seems like the time pause for me to count the countless mistake I've done...

it get even worse when the time walk even slower

when i try to encourage myself to make things right..

which i did not even have those courage to do so...

the time stops

is quite creepy to even think any single mistakes...

T.T

is creepy to looked at those people who i felt sorry for..

think again thrice

erm.. i think the first thought already killed me..

no chance at all...

T.T

time stops..

think that,

i should start studying hard or sleep hard?

or spend my time learning somethings news...

MUSIC ar~~~~

save me..

TT

ya.. music is my 1st Best Friends..

Blog is my second

and reader.. U are the THIRD...

music make me cried today...

blog make me cried today..

huh..

for no reason..

I'm feeling so down right now...

really really sad with everything that happen

a thought of back to the world again..

will U welcome me??

T.T

creating a fairyland under the dark sky

U are Dangerous

what i want to share out is..

i may look bad in the way i communicate..

but i am a good people..

but when i act too good enough with you..

that is the time you should be caution with..

that is the time when even if i hated u

i wont tell you

but just back stabbing behind of you

and keep stab Stab STAB!!!!!

or the even worst scenario..

i wont tell other bout U

but keep my hate toward U deep inside my heart...

then U should be careful that i will not do any voodoo

or even cursing U every single night before i sleep...

thanks god U haven't develop into this kind of hate...

U are so Dangerous..

I cant predict any single bad things that U going to do to me...

and,

i did not wanted to hate U...

stop creating HATE...

I've try not to hear any gossip bout U..

try to maintain Ur good side in my mind...

zzzz!!!!!

i really hate it when U do it that way...

If i am U in that situation,

i will not leave Ur stuff away from me...

at least will put it back even if i used it without permission???

what U said are hard to see it in reality..

if i am a Faker?

what are U??

U are Just Dangerous..

that's all i can say...

Blank It

Jealousy again..

huh..

I'm really an evil green monster...

i envy of U

although u may look simple in front of others..

but U look so shine in front of me..

i wonder how u can make it..

everything bad that happen will be turn to a good ending..

even when U failed..

u manage to make ended beautifully..

I envy of U

on how u bring yourself so well in this world..

the more U critics bout yourself make me feel that i even worst than that...

I'm totally envy of the life people living in drama..

hate it when realize that it look so perfect...

beautiful people running everywhere at there...

life can be as easy as ABC

even when there is any problem occur...

'God' seems helping them...

Being popular sound so interesting..

being together with the popular sound even more..

being the important in everyone mind seems so interesting..

everything bout U which sound so simple

but ended up,

having a life that everyone wish to have it..

DRAMA...

recently lots of things happen..

all the thing happen trying to distract my attention away..

i need to really focus of what i want now..

too many choices and influences which i hardly can reject but just to follow deep inside my heart..

everything happen

and

everything that i heard and see,

will just drove my away from the path I'm walking now..

I'm hunger for everything..

i wanted to taste all of it

i wanted to experience all those feeling of being at the spots with them...

i just want it all

although, i did not have those capabilities to make things right when it is right beside me..

lots of question started to pop out one by one...

I'm confuse with what i want

and what i really want...

keep on thinking this things over and over again..

i try to forget bout it...

but i ended up in my imagination world again..

where everything run perfectly just for me..

and when i wake up...

aik!!

problem become more headache...

things getting worse as each day exchanges..

even when i closed up my eyes..

i think of to be there...

i think of everything which seems to be impossible..

i dream of something which i cant never able to achieve...

maybe I'm hoping too much of myself in this short life of mine...

till now,

i cant escape from my imagination world..

i really need to blank my mind..

for a second perhaps?

the star crying in darkness...

i do hope

i can hear it's sound

i do hope

U can feel my existance

Last Carnival by Acoustic Cafe

It was nothing..

i just feel so sorrow when i heard this songs..

but it feel so relaxing when it started and ended..

just like the song title

last carnival..

carnival started with joy..

creating short term joyful moment for all the visitor

till the carnival ended..

people had to continue to live on?

and the joyful moment stayed as memory..

everyone wish the time will stop..

or just turn back...

living in the memory

i didn't knew that violin sound can be so nice..

started to in love with the sound of violin..

thanks also to the japanese composer

Norihiro Tsuru

for such a wonderful songs~~

在黑暗中我的星星哭了

真希望

我听得到