Alone?

i knew it I'm not supposed to feel this way when i have everything..

but yet

it surrounded me whenever I'm here..

maybe, there is something happen today

if the day had come..

and i have the money..

i will do it...

everything bout me seems to get wrong today..

i cant get my breath well..

i wake up dizzy whole days again... [dizziness started to attacked me, although the smell leather is not around me]

I'm started to think back the blood color of mine which is not as red as an healthy people should be..

my fractured bone..

I'm a failure and a sick human..

alone?

maybe...

when i looked at others people vacation life..

i feels..

little bit upset..

is like being ignored and forget by everyone..

but then...

I'm the one who chosen to be like this..

why should i feel like this when i wanted this to happen??

i should start avoid..

start blocking..

start to be in offline mood

just appear when truly needed(if i have the chance)

when i reject..

everyone accepted it without questioning..

when i accept..

people will started showing their faces to me..

which means..

i have to reject every time they offered

so that, i wouldn't have to be in such a depressed condition..

i have to looked at your facial expression to acted..

one single mistake..

i have to be alone..

better choose to be alone by myself..

than others pushing you to the lonely path..

yes..

learn to be independent..

accept the fact

that people only help those who in trouble

and 'those' have to reach the requirement of the people before peoples started to help them

so,

if you don't have the requirement..

need not have to hoping so much..

the more you expect what others should treat you

at the end, you will end up

falling deeply of disappointment,

because, people are not truly wanted to help you

just wanted to entertain you...

yes.. entertain me...

maybe..

i think is no longer maybe,

i should wake up now...

stop talking bout me..

ME is boring..

not important

rejected..

i really hope,

i can get the job..

change my life...

PLEASE!!

talk less observe more

listen less heard more

essay of my life

okie..

I'm back again...

for a serious topic to talked to..

just now.. was a rush..

just to promote my SS pic =='''

just like what i told you the previous blog..

im watching taiwan drama..

sometimes...

i just hate drama..

drama is like..

creating a fake hope for other people to believe in..

and the thing is.. people do believe for it..

maybe this is what people live for..

living with fake hope..

this same happen to me..

although i knew it that things in reality would not be so wonderful like what we can see

but i just can help myself to fell for it...

where got such a beatiful convinience,

a girl will met up with a handsome and rich guy..

and then save her out of her miserable life...

maybe because that girl is good looking one and type of some one who can speak so good..

creating such a beautiful and meaningful sentences everytime she speak..

if the girl is an ugly and a fat one?

one without any fashion sense..

any IQ or EQ

a dumb and fat girl..

but met up with this type of guy.. will the guy fell for her???

drama are always faking up the life...

it is cruel, when we realize that..

we actually can't live a life like what we see on drama...

this is the reason i hate to watch drama..

as time passes..

the story getting more and more fake~~~

when he ask me bout it..

then only i realize..

sometime i can be quite invisible..

i know that person knew me.. and i knew that person too

but yet.. they would not look at me...

maybe this is my face problem..

or my attitude problem..

i am quite arrogant..

i think this is the limit i wanted to show it out..

im getting more and more arrogant after the holidays..

the way i talked..

sometimes, if think back..

i am quite cocky

the way i glance at people,

if think back..

i am quite snob..

><

[i need a change, sorry if i pissed you]

i knew i treated her so badly..

but i just don't know why i will treated her that way

i feel sorry for her

my body wanna make a move..

but it just cant move..

maybe all of this is just excuses for cover myself

but what for sure is..

I LOVE YOU, mum..

i never said that,

but doesn't mean that I'm not..

I'm just sorry

sorry is what i can say...

sorry that you have this kind of daughter that you cant be proud of

sorry that you have this kind of daughter that make you being critic by others..

just because of my attitude and personality..

I've try to change.. but

i just can't

i love you for accepted the way i am

i love you for being so kind to me

i love you for being able to patiently treated everyone of us patiently even though u being bullied

i just love you for being the way you are

i love you for being my mum...

and sorry..

please forgive me, for everything...

EVERY single thing that I've done and pissed you off before..

sorry for not being able to tell you all this in front of you

I'm a coward..

a jerk

that would not face my mistake..

even i knew I've done wrong...

talked about life..

life is unfair?

god? is this true they exist?

do they really help those in need?

from what i knew from the elder..

we cant blame the life we have right now..

not until we get old..

until we see through everything..

feel and try everything..

maybe it is true that, now you are suffering..

but doesn't mean that you will keep on suffering till the end....

there is actually a lot of path in front of you that might can change your life

the problem is..

you cant find a light to those path..

and you did not fight to find it..

therefore..

you stayed in darkness for the rest of your life

and that is the full stop of your story..

and other peoples will wave and said goodbye to you

have you every wonder..

that everything that you have today..

is you created your own based on your pass?

what i can said now is

"believe the tunnel can end

belive your body can mend

yeah, i know you can make it through

cause i believe in youu

so, let's go put up a fight

let's go make everything all right

go on take a shot

go give it all you got

oh yeah, i know it's not easy

i know that it's hard

no, it;s not always pretty

get up and go,

tale a chance and be strong,

don't look back just go,

take a breath and move on

or you can spend your hold life holding on"

(Go-Boys like Girls)

what i can do to change myself?

I'm getting lazier and lazier as each day pass

i sleep for the whole days..

even though a lot of people said that please wake up and be more energetic a bit

but i just can't do it

i rather spend my day..

laying at bed...

watching TV

or online~ing..

i also don't want to go out..

shopping for girls is like a LIFE

but for me..

i will feel so sicked every time i go to shopping..

i will headache

or start to cant have a good breath(like asthma attacking)

or sleepy...

i knew that a lots of friends is back..

i just lazy to make a move to go out..

even they asked..

i wanted to reject them..

but think back..

just go.....................

rather than staying at home..

being said by my parent for keep sleeping and sleeping and sleeping....

XD

ignore if you hate

accept if you love

reject if you pissed

love if you fall for it

another ss pictures of the days

haha~~ today snapshot from my lappie webcam so nice..

i look so white~~

pimples attacking my face right now..

maybe is the effect of saying bad bout other people face..

==''

i thought that i am healed from the cough..

and yet.. now, i started to cough back

***************************************************************************************************

here i am again..

actually nothing to share

but just feels don't want to go to bed so early

(actually i slept more than 12hours today)

i think i should consider dieting

I'm talking bout dieting since I'm at form5...

till now.. I'm getting fatter and fatter instead of thinner

and now..

i can feel the lots of oil storing at my legs and my stomach.....

i spend my time just now,

watching an old drama..

T.T

it is so touching.. and i cry alone for more than 10 minute...

I'm also addicted playing a game..

trying to break the high score of my friends..

Bejeweled Blitz

spending more than an hour playing that game non stop

you all can try and play it at face book...

haha

okie..

thats all for tonight..

i wanna continue to beat high score..

actually

I'm lazy to go for outing

i am that lazy..

=.=

random picture

I'm bored..
uploading pictures just to procrastinate..
avoiding the notes right in front of me
=.=''
maybe after i feel satisfied uploading and editing pictures..
i will continue facing those notes..

this pictures taken during karaoke..

love the feeling at here...

this pictures are snap shot from my laptop

from a facebook applications..

out of so many friends.. only one people likes me.. >.<

below pictures taken during my friends trip at my home....^^

SS Picture Of The Day

below are the biscuit pictures i went to buy right after the end of my class
=.=''
just because my classmate and i talk bout it..
and suddenly feel like wanna eat something..
so off i go~~~

yummy xiu bao.. but not as tasty as the one sold at my home ^^

Ipoh famous Lou Po Biscuit.. ngek ngek

last but not least

Kampar famous

Chicken Biscuit

guess that's all for today
after resting my eyes editing this wonderful pictures..
time to face the notes again
good luck to myself..
i hope i won't sleep in halfway

can't wait to holidays..

i miss you~~

^^

BM2

yea

aku kembali lagi~~

disebabkan oleh permintaan yang tinggi..

aku kembali dengan bahasa melayu...

kebelakangan ni sibuk sikit..

sibuk ler dengan pembelajaran aku yang macam tak akan berakhir..

ujian yang berpusu pusu menyerang aku..

dan dengan assignment yang berlambak lambak depan mataku tapi tidak dihiraukan oleh saya..

saya teringin untuk kembali ke rumah saya..

terasa rindu dengan katil busuk saya..

setiap kali saya tidur di katil ini,

pasti akan bangun dengan terseksa, kepala dan seluruh badan sakit sama sama...

mungkin disebabkan sudah terlalu lama tidak keluar membeli belah, jalan jalan dan melepak..

saya sudah terlupa perasaan itu..

sudah jadi semakin tua..

*************************************************************************************

seems like im not talented at all at writing bm essays~~

recently i always in a sleepy mode..

not in a mood to do anything..

exam =.='' really freak me.. freaking me out!!

last time exam was like one year three times..

now.. exam attacking almost once in a month...

studies studies and studies..

and the system grading of this university keep on increasing..

more hard to score

i do hope i can pass all the exam well without have to repeat any subjects~~

i heard one of my housemate telling me that,

the grading will become more stricter..

one D.. is considered as FAIL

yes failed.. and you have to repeat again.. studying again i guess is not a problem

but the problem is the cash that flow out..

is it the university is damn poor?

i thought this kind of university provide a better education for those who cant afford to studies in other university and college that cost our life?

now this university is like trying to failed the students..

BETTER education really a high standard..

now if anyone dare to said that this university is sucks to the core

or for those stupid people to studies..

i will really throw a bag of shit right into that people..

never judge a book by its cover..

i really wanna give up the assignment mark..

i hate group work!!!

not to say very hate..

i just lazy to make the first move..

maybe last minute suit me more...^^

i hate my hair!!

so so so so HATE it..

TT

if i have the $$.. i wanna fo straight it back..

everytime i look at the mirror.. i really wanna smash break the mirror into the pieces..

i hate to face the mirror right now..

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAA

this few days when i did not blogs..

a lots of thing had happen..

i mean A LOT

but weird..

i did not have the mood wanna share it out with friends or people...

i love crapping more than sharing life of ME,

my life is boring~~

will you pay attention to my stories?

eight more weeks to go..

i hope it end fast

i wanna go back home...

enjoy sleeping for two weeks..

i wanna upload some pictures..

but times are running tight..

seems like i only have the times to write out some craps..

and now

after i press the button 'PUBLISH POST'

it is times to face the notes

i hope i can do well for the mid term..

and so do the same to all of you

stop relying

is the best way to stop pushing responsible to others..

i miss KFC

i miss Sushi

i miss MCD fries

i miss ice-cream

i miss chocolate

i hunger for it

XD

psst: i crave it at school table XD

B.M

dalam blog ini,

kesemuaan isi akan ditaip dengan bahasa malaysia..

ini semuanya disebabkan oleh teman serumah saya disini yang telah mempengaruhi saya

kerana dia terpaksa menjawab ujiannya dengan bahasa kebangsaan,

ditambah pula, dia lemah dalam subjek ini, jadi dia bertanya banyak soalan yang rumit

hinggakan kepalaku pusing dibuatnya

dan menyebabkan, saya menyedari bahawa..

betapa lemahnya saya dalam bahasa malaysia...

haha..

terlalu banyak perkataan yang ditaip terpaksa diperah perah kepala otak aku untuk memikir ejaannya

lemahnya aku...

hari ini,

berlaku satu insiden yang menyebabkan hatiku berdebar debar hingga sekarang

baru je saya balik dari lepak lepak di gerai mamak..

semasa saya dan kawan kawanku bersedia untuk balik ke rumah..

tiba tiba, sekumpulan polis meronda..

lebih kurang 7 hingga 8 buah motor

dan terdapat dua tiga polis asyik memandang aku je

membuatkan ku berasa serba salah

ingatkan diri ku yang tidak berdosa telah melakukan kesalahan besar

dalam perjalanan balik ke rumah..

tetiba, terdengar orang cakap melayu kat belakang saya

terkejut besar saya!!!

polis tu cakap..

amoi, nak ke mana tu?

aku pun jawab ler balik

nak balik rumah~!~!

huh..

polis yang baik hati ker apa ker aku tak tahu..

buat aku terkejut jer..

dah ler saya pakai pendek sikit seluar tu..

asyik memandang kat kaki saya..

ishk...

terlalu syok pula menaip naip dengan bahasa ni..

sampaikan semua shor cut keluar..

ahahahaha~~

okie la..

sampai sini lah saya hentikan blog ku

selamat malam..

if....

if...

if am you

if i am part of you

if i can be just like you

if..

if I'm not me

if I'm her

if...

if I'm noticeable

if I'm invisible

if...

if i can have the day

if i can own the day

if i can be on the day

If...

if i can forget it all...

if i can live on live without if..

if...

if only the if are no longer if

if the if are not around me

if the if are true

if the if is beside me now

if you know it

if you can feel it

if you want it

IF...

out of sudden

lonely

i feel don't want to talk

and yet i wanna other's to know my feelings

i wanted to cry

i cant find a place for me to do so

laugh at me...

hate on me

neglect me

just don't ignored me...