Outsider

I'm feeling as if I'm an outsider right now..

no matter what they discuss..

i feel that i have no right to step myself inside..

every opinion/ suggestion seems like did not help out..

or I'm just crap myself out???

even i told them i want to,

but others will thought that i am crapping and ignore me..

they tell me they want to,

when i say yes,

they will find other people...

so what is the point of telling me?

or asking me to tell you?

just because I'm not important?

I'm ugly?

I'm fugly?

I'm not as attractive as others?

i cant be used up like others?

making myself stepping out of this problem,

people will said that I'm selfish..

if i tried to help,

people will said that I'm a troublesome people who just love to stick the ass into the fire..

maybe from the start,

I'm doing all this just to make myself feel better,

then i will not feel guilty when I'm looking or facing you...

I'm just selfish anyway..

making myself feeling better without taking considerate what other really think and felt...

why the day cant be peaceful like what i see in other people life...

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just because she scolded her,

she decided to quit the job..

although i can see her smiling when she said she wanna quit it...

but i knew she just cant let the job flew off like that..

just because of us..

even he,

the one who always asking her to quit job ever since i am born

feel the same way as she do...

plus lots of sad things happen in my family....

everyone seems to act like nothing happen,

but...

i just don't know wanna how to describe it...

after knowing them for so long,

then only i realize that,

the happy face are fake...

there are lots of internal affair happen in the family..

i knew it long time ago but i just don't wanna ask about it since family trying to protect all this problem from the younger generation...

now everything suddenly blast out..

i really don't know what i can help out..

maybe standing aside and let the adult done the job really can help them out..

everything will be OK

tomorrow will be fine