happy? smile?

there is once a people ask me...
'why people study and you study, people seems excited with it, happy and looking forward to study at there...
but look at you.. there is an unexplainable sorrow on your face..
dont you happy that you can study out there?
i want also cant have it'

i cant answer your question right now..
i cant get my emotion back to normal..
i feel dont want to speak to anyone..
i dont feel wanna tell out loud my problem also..
i hate sharing my problem..

why i hate it?
actually last time i got some friends who pretended to be nice.. share problem? sure.. only your stories... forever only your stories.. nobody bother to hear or listen my stories.. since then, i hate it to tell my 'STORY'..
i rather suffer alone then share it out..

luckily i still got a sms mate..
today i beg this friend to only listen what i want to said and never ask why cause i wont tell the reason of it..
my friend agree and receive my deadly dying messages..
i dint tell the story, just express my sadness only...
and the replies of this friend is just 'oh', 'em em', 'really'..
and the end 'feel any better'?
(replies of this friend make me cant continue chat, like i was forcing some one to listen to something that is not related with his life)

better? how to describe better?
can consider ok?
no feeling..
is just like that...
i got serious headache these few days.. maybe is a side effect of thinking alots..
i've try to find a solution of nothing that is really matter..
what is really bothering me right now? i really dont know how to answer..
i just feel so down.......


listening to my problem really boring?
or i am just boring?
why i dont want to find my friend to listen?
i dont trust them? dont have the doubt to tell?
they is only the fun part of my life, dont want to drag them into my pain life
i just dont want



i dont want
i dont want dont want
dont want dont want dont want dont want


to talk