wanna write how how hard i feel during this first week

so that, i can compare it again after i finish my internship

so here it goes

on 1/1/2012, i landed ( or should i say i stepped?)

in a city

a city which is different from my hometown

big? crowded? full with car? the road is big and twisting from one end to another end?

anyway, i will caught into Ipoh for few month to undergoes my internship

i should have feel blessed

i have relative that stay nearby, who will come to me if i'm in any trouble..

i have boss and colleague that never look down on me as i'm not clever or good in stuff that they good with, they willing to spend time to teach me..

sometime i feel ashamed of myself for not learning all those basic/fundamental of everything better at school

in a week, i realize how tiny i am,

how weak i am

how stupid i am =.=

yeah.. i regretting now for not studying all those thing in school good

and my boss need to re-teach me again..

it hurt my pride, but nvm

it hurt now better than in future...

the first week of my internship,

it felt as if i am really working,

stepping myself into the society....

it felt good when i'm in the office

but it isn't when i'm not in the office....

i am totally alone!

yeah, i'm living with a renter

a renter that shut herself in the room,

we only communicate in the morning as she is very good to fetch me to her workplace which is much more nearer for me to walk to the office compare from the house.

but then, she is weird..

maybe my aunt keep influence me saying this lady is weird which somehow manipulate me and making me thought she is weird..

maybe because she is a professor in medic college, which making me fear of her as she is quite strict and will scold people..

she is a lady which is very different from the aunty i meet back then in the hometown..

but other than that, she is good..

maybe is my problem..

when im back to the home

the only thing i can do is sleep

or watch drama..

it felt as if my life is completely empty

i feel lonely,

i think a lot of stupid thing

will i really be alone for the rest of my life when i grew up in future...

this feeling is kinda sad...

the first two night i'm here really making me wanna cry out...

friends all have their own difficulties to encounter everyday,

i should not have burden them with my problem..

it is not their problem..

yeah.. this is the problem i wanna solve

i wanna fix from myself

i want to learn to be independent..

the process is hard T^T

is hard to live without friend but i have to try hard hard to live alone...

what kind of theory is it? =.=

well nvm,

i guess those emo emo feeling will just pop out from no where since im living alone...

i will type lots of sad and unimportant essay and post regularly in here.. =.=

and then, i guess i will have communication problem,

since i'm here,

i rarely laugh

i rarely talk what i want to talk for more than 50sentences or maybe lesser than 25 =.=

sooner i will become loner and forget how to talk..

Orz

i am such a loser~

i never tell anyone especially my parents this

when they ask, i will tell them i am completely fine,

friends are treating me very good~

don't worry about me,

i am okay

i am fine

sigh

in fact

i am worry about myself

i am not okay and i don't know what i'm not okay with and what i not okay with is okay or not

i don't know

but i just don't want them to worry about me..

Orz

i complained a lot.. =.=